


The Immediate Murder Professionals (Helluva Boss Fanfiction)

by IAintGotIdeas



Series: The I.M.P Universe [4]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Action, Adventure, Alcohol, Bad Jokes, Blood and Gore, Car Chases, Character Development, Chases, Cliche Mania, Closeted Character, Cocaine, Declarations Of Love, Drama, Drunken Shenanigans, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody Suffers At Least Once, F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, High as Hell, Humor, Inner Dialogue, Internal Conflict, Literally a lot of alcohol, Loneliness, M/M, Message Conversations, Minor Character Death, Moxxie is Eating So Much Shit in this One, Multi, Music, Musical References, One Night Stands, Orgy, Public Scenes, Sharing a Bed, Song: All This Money, Song: FIND YOUR WINGS, Song: Kiss Land, Song: Studio, Song: Wanderlust, Superpowers, Team as Family, Telekinesis, The Dumbest Chapter Summaries You Will Ever Read, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Violence, Wealth, Weed, YouTube Links, cute couple stuff, episodic, party time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 84,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAintGotIdeas/pseuds/IAintGotIdeas
Summary: After a well deserved break, the gang is back to doing full-time killing as they continue their killing spree across the living world.The popularity of the group rises sky high after word spreads that they trashed Stolas’ castle. Overlords and other influential figures of Hell hire the I.M.P for a pile of contracts.They will all have to finish these contracts by the end of the month. Will they manage to pull it off? Will Loona finally start taking work seriously? Will Moxxie and Millie finally have that freakin’ baby? And most importantly, will Blitzo be able to meet the demands of every person around him?VOL 1 (CH 1-11): Contract CraziesVOL 2 (CH 12-24): Race Against TimeVOL 3 (CH 25-37): ???
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Blitzo/Stolas (Helluva Boss), Charlie Magne/Vaggie, Loona/Original Female Character, Millie/Moxxie (Helluva Boss)
Series: The I.M.P Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581589
Comments: 20
Kudos: 144





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> In this chapter, Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona all enjoy a nice day at their local barbershop. Wait, whose fucking turn was it to play the music? What the actual fuck is this?

Somewhere in Oakland, California…

https://youtu.be/th4kV0R7ehk

The rap music blasted through the entirety of the barbershop. Business for the owner was pretty low-key as usual. Recurring locals came to get their haircut on a Saturday morning. The interior of the barbershop was all modern white, and had white lights illuminate the room at a high intensity. The patrons casually sat in the black recliner-like chairs with their black capes. There was a flatscreen that played all kinds of hip-hop music for the customers.

The man stood by the very back of the room, blocking off a tiny hall that led to his office. He was an overweight man in his early 30’s. He was tatted all over his arms and was all dressed in black. A black New York Yankees snapback, a black tee, and black jeans along with a thick gold chain wrapped around his neck. He had a gold Rolex on his right wrist to complement the chain.

He rubbed his hands together as the other barbers continued cutting away.

“Ay man, I got that fantasy league on lock. Y’all teams too weak. Gotta pay up soon, man.”

Two barbers that were close to him groaned. One was slim with a skin fade, and the other was mid-sized with a high top fade.

“How the fuck you gon’ pick Lamar Jackson in the second fuckin’ round? That shit make no goddamn sense. And you got Aaron fucking Jones in the first?”

The owner cackled.

“Go big or go home, mang. Got that MVP putting da’ team on his back.”

One of the patrons interrupted.

“Maaaan, y’all on that football shit? I was buggin’ this year, dawg. Got me Andrew Luck and AB. Them boys threw the towel, and so did I.”

They all turned to him and chuckled all at once.

“Goddamn. You needa get some compensation for that tragic ass shit. Sue they asses.”

The patron threw his arms up.

“The fuck am I gonna get a lawyer from? Nobody got a JD degree ‘round here!”

They all laughed in unison.

Another man joined in on the conversation. Very bulky with broad shoulders.

“Football? Man, nobody wanna hear bout that goddamn football. The silver and black mou’fuckas leaving us for Las Vegas. Now I know how them fuckin’ San Diego dudes felt.”

The owner felt a certain sense come over him, as if there was something urgent awaiting him at his office. The owner tapped on the slim barber’s shoulder and signaled that he had pressing matters to attend to.

The overweight man disappeared into the dimly lit hall that contradicted the shining light of the barbershop.

He entered the office and closed the door behind him. It was a complete mess inside. Torn posters of swimsuit models and vinyls hung up on the walls, a knocked over shelf of various awards, certficates, and CD’s, along with a couple of stretched out cardboard boxes of haircut supplies and hair products. The wooden desk was all piled up with paper and was not visually helped by the outdated bulky white computer.

The man sat down in his spinny chair and nearly fell once he laid back. The support was not what it used to be.

He took a good look at the photo of his slain best friend that sat on the desk. It was a man with a full grown beard, an afro fade, two white gold earrings, and a jean jacket. The man appeared happy as he crossed his arms in front of the green bushes.

Tivonte groaned, and tossed the photo to the side.  
———  
After a great deal of work, the owner went outside and came around to the back. He took a joint out of his pocket and a lighter.

He took one puff and looked around the view that came with the backside of the barbershop. He was surrounded by other desolate looking white buildings. There were worn out advertisements in English and Spanish, promoting art performances and local stand-up.

He took another puff and dug into his pocket to get his phone.

He turned it on. A missed call from his wife, and another missed call from his mistress. Damnit. He was really not looking forward to juggling his relationships after a hard day at work.

The owner was pondering to himself, thinking which one he should pick up first. 

Out of nowhere, there was a gunshot.

The man was shot through the shoulder. He screamed in pain as his hat fell off his head. 

As he laid there bleeding, he held his shoulder and groaned louder and louder as the throbbing pain spread throughout his upper body.

Suddenly, he heard four people drop down from  
the ceiling of his own barbershop. They started taking footsteps towards him. He looked up in fear as the unholy creatures stared down at him.

“Yep, that’s the guy. Tivonte Jordan.”

It was Loona the Hellhound. The bratty and rebellious adopted daughter of Blitzo.

“Alright, Loonie, good job! But next time, mmmmaybe aim a little to the left, okay?”

That was Blitzo. The owner of the Immediate Murder Professionals, located in Hell.

“Sir, we’re wasting precious time here. Let’s *ACKGH* the target and move on.” Moxxie made a slice gesture around his neck.

The high-pitched voice came from Moxxie. He was the weapons specialist of I.M.P and the voice of reason. Also, he was Millie’s husband.

“Uhhh before we do that, Mox, shouldn’t you go get a haircut?”

This was Millie. The powerhouse of I.M.P who had a crazed obsession with murdering people. She was Moxxie’s wife, and she was teasing Moxxie again for his messy hairstyle.

The couple shared a smug look and smirked together.

Blitzo got down on one knee and looked down at his target.

“So, Tivonte. We came here on behalf of your ‘so-called’ best friend. Really eff’ed up stuff you did to him. And for what? So you can take out the co-owner and run 100% of your failing business? Eh, doesn’t really fucking matter. We’re not angels. We’re just hired killers. Nothing personal.”

The owner desperately shook his head as he pleaded for his life. “No...you got the wrong guy, man. I wouldn’t turn on my boys, man! Let me fucking go! H-H-How much money do y’all need?”

Moxxie facepalmed. “Are you seriously going to bargain with a group of creatures you have never seen in your life?”

Tivonte responded. “Y’all don’t seem too *cough* different from us. I can do things…”

“We all can do things. We’re here to kill. So no, we’re just going to take your life.”

The imp scoffed and walked out. He patted Millie on the shoulder, as they both nodded. She walked to Tivonte and stood over him.

“Today is your lucky day, Tiv! We got a special request by your slain friend to ensure your death is a long and gruesome one!”

The fallen man’s expression slowly transitioned from desperate to anger. He pointed to Moxxie. “D-Don’t you turn me down, bitch! Y-Y-You done fucked up, lil man! Y’all fucked up!”

Millie began fuming. She panted heavily and caught his attention, making him worry for his life once more.

“Don’t...you...call him...LITTLE!”

Out of nowhere, Millie held up a switchblade and cut into his chest. She proceeded to make a slow incision down.

The man yelled for his life. Suddenly, a sleeper hold out of nowhere from Moxxie slowly took the life away from him, along with his voice. Millie reached into the open chest and took out the heart.

She handed it to Moxxie.

He gasped at the offering, and grabbed the heart with enthusiasm. They both gave each other that special look again.

After applauding at the theatrical spectacle he just witnessed, Blitzo held his hand up and called out.

“Alright, team! We have to bring this carcass back to Hell and dispose of it properly! Let’s go, gang!”

Loona was on her phone the whole time. “What was that?”

One down. A lot more to go.


	2. The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the jungle! It’s gonna be a soaking wet episode, baby! Bring your raincoat, your umbrella, your rain boots, and your tree vines!

Moxxie hung the once green biohazard suit covered with blood on the rack and walked out of the “workshop” room with a bag of body parts.

He walked over to the corridor of the headquarters, where Blitzo, Loona, and Millie all sat by the door. They all stood up and looked at Moxxie.

“Okay, everybody, the cutting has been done. We’ll ship it out to the client. It’ll be there before the blood moon even arrives.”

Loona scratched her head. “And this is the contract we’ve started with? What about the overlords? Shouldn’t we get theirs done first?”

Blitzo chuckled. “Oh, Loonie.” He wrapped his arm around her, causing the hellhound to growl in her animalistic manner. “We had to get the easy ones out of the way. You see, these overlord contracts are nothing to be excited about. They are excruciating, traumatizing, and a huge pain in the ass for all of us. You should be grateful that we are taking our time before the inevitable, because it will most likely be the last days of our lives if we fuck it up…” 

He got very dark in the end. Everybody froze in shock, including Loona.

Blitzo giggled. “Hehe, I’m just fucking around! But seriously, relish the time we have with these contracts. We gotta stick together for sure this time.”

He glanced over to Moxxie, smirked, and raised his eyebrows.

The weapons specialist was not pleased by the reference from his boss. He crossed his arms and looked into the distance, avoiding eye contact with Blitzo.

“Don’t even start.”   
———  
The four murderers jumped out of the portal and landed in their next destination. A rainstorm pouring on grassy jungle with a...log cabin?” The cabin was warmly lit, and brought some beauty to the environment. There were two torches hung next to a grandiose brown plated door with golden carvings.

Millie stepped up and took a good look at the porch. There was a couple of gnomes and a rocking chair. She walked up the steps and over to the chair. Being the playful maniac that she is, the imp sat herself down and rocked herself steadily, crossing one leg over the other and putting her hands behind her head, sticking her tongue out.

All of a sudden, there was a shout coming from the curtain-covered window.

“You could have just asked for the chair, y’know.”

Millie gasped, jumped off the chair, and landed on her feet after she pulled out her axe in mid air. Blitzo and Moxxie swiftly pulled out their weapons; pocket knife and a cutlass, while Loona looked up from her phone. Millie turned around and saw an elderly bearded man with thick glasses a quiff hairstyle. He had his robe on, and had a cup of coffee on one hand. Suddenly, he pulled out the curtains, came over to the door, and unlocked it.

The man entered outside, and seemed unphased by the assassins.

He sighed and fixed his glasses.

“Looks like my time has come.” He put down the mug on top of the window frame and walked over. “Before I die, I would like to invite you all in, if you have the time.”

Blitzo put down his pocket knife in disbelief, and looked at Loona. She shrugged. He focused to Moxxie. He sputtered and pointed at the man. 

“Come on, sir! We have to kill this target as soon as possible!”

Suddenly, Millie dropped her axe on the porch and held her stomach. She chuckled and walked over to the man. 

“We could use a lunch break!”

Blitzo nodded and was all smiles as he crept up the stairs. He was a little hesitant, but he was pretty hungry too. Loona followed whilst texting. As for Moxxie, his jaw dropped open. He muttered a couple of curses before placing the cutlass back in the holster around his waist.  
——  
They all sat together on the table. The interior was pretty nice for a bachelor’s pad. Antiques decorated the dining room, with maroon and gold wallpaper covering the walls and a golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The man served a couple of amazingly seasoned steaks that he whipped up soon after his unexpected ‘guests’ arrived. Along with that, there were small plates of sliced peaches to go with dinner. 

Blitzo was taking his time with the food, using his hands to tear the fat away and to eat steak. Loona tried chewing the meat all at once and was just chewing and swallowing all the way through, while her teeth was sunk deep into the steak. Millie was casually using the fork to cut the pieces up. Ironically, she did not find as much use for the knife as most people would, which was pretty uncharacteristic. Moxxie, much like the host, was properly eating the steak with a knife and fork, and unlike Blitzo, he wasn’t trying to talk with his mouth full.

Blitzo wiped his mouth with the napkin and broke the silence. “So, you’re Adam, right?”

The host finished chewing and swallowed a piece of steak. “Yessir. I assume it was an actress from Porn Studios that sent you all here. Hell has a lot of vicious desire for vengeance”

They all gasped. Moxxie dropped his knife, while Loona dropped her steak onto the carpet.

Blitzo responded. “Wait wait wait, you know about Hell?”

Millie added. “You know an actress?”

Loona added with an unusually creepy smirk. “You know about Porn Studios?”

They all looked at Loona like she just killed a baby. 

“What!? You fucking assholes left me one thing to add. One FUCKING thing! You know what, let this—-oh fuck it I’m going back to eating.”

She groaned and chomped down the peaches.

Millie turned back to Adam.

“Sir, how do you know all this?”

He chuckled as he wiped his hands with the napkin. 

“I have done extensive research towards the depths of Hell, and the Heaven skies. I’ve been in both places by accident.”

Moxxie interrupted. “Accident? How does one wound up in the two realms by accident? Explain yourself.”

He held up his finger. “I had an old flame who passed ten years ago. She used her powers to transport me to Heaven, and grew more desperate for my attention day by day. It got really unhealthy. I expressed my concern, and to make a long story short, she cursed her head off and was banished back to Hell, while I was taken with her. Luckily, Lucifer was a very understanding man, and he sent me up almost instantly, leaving my deceased wife in Hell. She actually reached out to me three weeks ago, and boasted about her job and her earnings in the underworld. She threatened my life, and I just shook it off. But now, I understand that her vengeance has stayed true.”

They all sat in shock by the sob story. Millie shed a tear and turned to Moxxie.

“*sniff* You wouldn’t do that to me, right Moxxie?”

He groaned as he put his hand on her shoulder.

“Millie, of course not. I love you. And I love how this man thinks he can JUST LIE TO US!”

The short-fuse imp got himself up on the table and stared down Adam. Before he can lunge at the man, Blitzo grabbed Moxxie by the leg and pulled him from the table. The weapons specialist was clawing left and right, trying to get a piece.

Moxxie fell off the table and landed awkwardly on his shoulder, causing Blitzo to abruptly let go and hold his hands up. 

Millie sighed and Loona cackled as the fallen imp was slow to get up.

Adam finally got out of his chair and walked over to Moxxie.

“Are you alright there, gu—“

Moxxie shoved Adam away, along with his assistance. He looked like he was about to explode, but out of craziness, the imp chuckled. “Hehe, it’s fine. I’m all good now. See? Nothing to worry about.”

He limped over and left the dining room.

Adam wiped his forehead and sat back down on the dining table.

“Sorry about that, everyone. Anybody want refills on soda?” 

They all shook their heads.

“No thank you, sir” said Millie.

“I’m watching my figure” said Loona.

“I need some liquor in my system.” 

Adam chuckled, and walked back into the kitchen. He took a bottle of some kind from a cabinet and walked back into the dining room, putting it on the table.

Stroh Rum 160. Alcohol content of 80%

Blitzo smirked, and rubbed his hands together. Adam took two glasses and placed them on the table.

The imp was baffled. “Oh! You drink?”

Adam nodded as he unscrewed the rum bottle. “Yeah, the good stuff.”

Blitzo gave a thumbs up as he grabbed the opened bottle and proceeded to pour himself a drink. Adam tried reaching over, but Blitzo insisted on pouring the host’s drink as well. He poured his glass.

“Allow me.”

Adam grinned as he took the bottle in his hand, swirling it around. He lifted the glass

“Cheers to the final hour of my life.”

Blitzo snickered and clinked Adam’s glass. They both proceeded to drink, but while Adam was fixated on the alcohol…

...Blitzo looked right at him.

“Loona! Now!”

Adam spat out the drink. Suddenly, Loona swiftly raised from her seat, grabbed the chair, and slammed it over the host’s head, breaking it and leaving a bloody gash on his forehead.

He groaned as Millie stepped over him with the axe right at his neck.

Blitzo chugged down the rest of the drink with ease. 

“You see, Adam, if there is one thing the I.M.P is well known for, it’s for detecting bullshit.”

Moxxie walked back into the dining room. He had a bloody blade and a couple of feathers to go along with it. Blitzo looked at him and held his arms out to embrace him, but Moxxie rejected the boss and passed him, walking towards Adam.

“You didn’t express any concern. You found your way to Heaven and framed your own wife for the murder of one skinned angel. The one sitting in your basement, collecting bugs. You killed an entity of an outside realm.”

Millie gasped.

Adam gulped, as Moxxie continued on with his explanation. 

“You ruined the afterlife of your wife, and why? Easy. You have no place in the skies once you die. You already sinned by drinking.”

Blitzo held up the bottle and tilted it side to side in front of Adam’s face. 

“So you forced your wife down to Hell so you both wouldn’t get separated…”

Adam sighed. He was still trying to talk through the injury.

“You-you-you were spot on.”

Moxxie nodded with a toothy smirk. His fangs were shown within his sinister smile. He walked away.

Blitzo bent down to Adam and put down Millie’s axe. They shared a wink.

“I was gonna be nice since you treated us to such an amazing dinner...well you know what...how about we stick with it. You choose your death.”

Adam nodded desperately.

“Yes yes...just hand me a pistol and I’ll finish the rest…”

Blitzo stood back up and chuckled. He took out his spare pistol and offered it to Adam. The host gasped with happiness as he reached over for the weapon. 

Then out of nowhere, Moxxie began shrieking and proceeded to cut off Adam’s arm with his cutlass. 

The man shrieked in severe pain, and tried flopping away shortly after falling to his side.

Blitzo walked over to him and grabbed the man by his hair. The imp took out his pocket knife and shoved it right through the side of the neck.

Adam started to cough up a lot of blood. It was coming through his neck, his nose, and his mouth. The target made disturbing noises as he was choking like a dog. 

After a couple more seconds of choking from his own blood, Adam finally stopped. 

He was dead.

Millie sighed.

“I was really starting to like the fella…”


	3. Hurry Up With My Damn Croissants!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayo, we’re here in Europe today! Hey, do you know that one Romanian song, “Stereo Love”? Yeah, so basically Millie likes to play this song whenever they’re cutting up French Bread and making hot chocolate at work. She always confuses it for French music, but nobody has the heart to tell her. It’s not her goddamn fault she didn’t go to some “big fancy school” in the nice fucking part of town. Living World Geography is merely an elective. She’s not wasting her time on that shit. Justice for Jussie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a longer chapter than usual. It’s the final assignment of their first day!

Moxxie finished the bag and tossed it through the top floor window. The remains of Adam Savino were to be picked up from there later.

Blitzo was standing right next to the working imp, and he put his arm around him.

The boss looked down at the disgusted Moxxie, and patted him on the head.

“Way to solve the case, detective. If you weren’t married, I’d kiss ya’ right now.”

An awkward silence. Blitzo continued talking.

“Ah fuck it. After all, this is Hell…”

Blitzo reached over for Moxxie’s lips, but the weapons specialist reacted quickly and stabbed him through his side with the cutlass.

The boss yelled in pain from the stab and fell down hard. He sat himself up quickly and was seething with rage.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?”

Moxxie threw his hands up in the air in responsive anger.

“YOU TRIED TO KISS ME, SIR! I HAD TO DO SOMETHING!”

“YEAH, AND THAT SOMETHING WAS STABBING YOUR OWN FUCKING BOSS? HELP ME BACK UP, ASSHOLE!”

Moxxie growled as he grabbed Blitzo’s hand and forced him up quickly. After the support, the boss shoved Moxxie away and nearly caused him to stumble and trip. The short imp was not going to have it. He marched up to Blitzo and put a finger on his chin.

“Let’s get something straight here, ‘boss’. I may be your employee, but if you so much as put a single finger on me, I will have no choice but to defend myself. And I’d probably start by cutting off said finger…”

Blitzo scoffed. “Was that a threat!?”

Moxxie got in his face. “YES!”

“Shut the fuck up and make out already, you two.”

The imps looked to the entrance of the workshop. It was Loona, sipping on an iced tea. She scratched her backside as she continued sipping.

Moxxie walked out of the room and past Loona.

“Don’t scratch your butt on the job. It’s completely unprofessional.”

Loona turned around and flipped him off. 

Moxxie groaned. “Mutt.”

“Bitch.”  
———  
Millie already started the portal. She quickly got back up on her feet as the three members entered the ritual room. She did some sort of salute.

“It’s ready, boss! I already set the destination to Prague!”

Blitzo patted Millie on the head as she shined her gaped smile.

Loona didn’t take a step forward since entering the doorway. This caught Blitzo’s attention, and forced him to walk back over with a crooked smile to mask his immense anger.

“Heeey Loonie...I have a game.”

She coughed. “What game?”

Suddenly, he snatched the phone away from the hound and tossed it over to Millie.

Loona was absolutely furious and lashed at Blitzo. 

“HEY! WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUDOING!?” 

She ran over to Millie and stuck her claws out, ready to dig into the powerhouse. Reluctantly, she tossed it over to Moxxie.

He looked at his wife. “Why!?!?”

Millie had no time to argue. She pointed over to Blitzo. “Please stop talking and just toss the darn phone!”

He grunted as he chucked the phone across the room. It landed on Blitzo’s hands. However, that didn’t stop Loona from charging Moxxie after she couldn’t pump the brakes and turn back around. The hound landed on top of the imp.

“Ughhhhhh…”

Moxxie gasped as he tried to breathe. “Loona, you’re crushing me.”

She lifted herself up with her arms in a plank position and looked down at Moxxie. They stared at each other for way too long. Despite her poker face, Moxxie gulped and braced himself for the worst. Suddenly, Blitzo chucked the phone into the vents and angered Loona once more to the point where she lashed out again, but this time, Blitzo completely ignored her and walked forward with a devilish smile.

“Alright, everyone, let’s stop dicking around and focus on this assignment, okay?”  
———  
The middle-aged man sat down outside the café and held a newspaper on one hand, with a latte on the other. 

He had a shaved head, and some stubble. Although it was a sunny day outside, he had a black jacket on and some sunglasses along with a white tee and some blue jeans.

He was just finishing up reading about the current state of the EU, and more political updates. 

Nobody seemed to notice the shady man sitting down. What they also didn’t seem to notice was that they had a trained killer within their midst.

As the man took another sip of the coffee, he looked at the reflection of the metal rod of the umbrella. 

He gasped to himself. Someone in a biker helmet. 

His biggest fears were true. The mystery man expected company today. 

Right before the blade was swung towards his neck, the man pushed himself back on the chair, grabbed the killer by the waist, and slammed the figure onto the pavement.

His name was Alexandr Kozár, and he was expecting the fight of his life.

Alexandr ran away and continued running down the streets of Prague, shoving locals out of his way and running across traffic. 

He looked to his left where the street was.

Two people on a motorbike. 

Alexandr grunted and ran faster. He took a sharp right, and elusively avoided the danger.

Or so he thought. 

Suddenly, two more individuals with biker helmets began chasing him from the crowd. They sped up and were right within snatching distance.

Then he took another right to another street that was just completely overrun by people. Alexandr elusively blended in with the crowd and caused the chasers to stop in their tracks…  
——  
The driver pulled into one of the alleyways. The rider got off and removed her biker helmet, revealing the hound’s long grey mane.

“Are you always this fucking stupid, Moxxie?”

The driver got off the motorbike and removed his helmet. Moxxie. He sighed to himself, for he knew that he screwed the pooch on this one.

“Look, I made a mistake. The guy made a switch last second and there was way too much traffic for me to maneuver…”

The hound sat herself down and groaned.

“This is my fault…”

Moxxie stood for a while, but eventually got down and put his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort his co-worker. Although they were always at each others’ necks, Moxxie cared for the well-being of those he worked with. Well, unless one of them tried to kiss him and wasn’t married to him, then he’d just stab them.

“Loona, don’t be so hard on yoursel—“

“I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE DROVE! BUT I LET THIS FUCKTARD CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!” She had her finger on Moxxie’s chest and growled at him.

Moxxie sputtered and stood up. He turned around and headed back for the bike.

“Well screw you then, you f-f-feebleminded person…”

It’s only been a couple of hours, and Moxxie has gotten very close to dropping one F-bomb.

The imp got on the bike and was about to leave Loona in the dust. He put on his helmet and looked over his shoulder.

“If all you want to do is bicker, then you stay put here. I’m going to finish this and come back for you.”

He put his foot on the pedal. Loona jumped up and ran towards the bike.

“Oh no you don’t, you son of a bitch!”

Moxxie was already accelerating the bike. It was starting to speed up, until a certain hound dove for the end and reached the back of the seat. Her claws kept her hanging on to the speeding bike. It left the alleyway and sped into the opposite side of the street.

The imp’s life was now at stake. He dies in the living world, it’s all over. There were no rules for him now. No morals whatsoever.

“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!? LET GO YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

Loona screeched and got herself up on the seat. She reached for Moxxie’s back and pulled herself closer. The hound was in range for a sleeper hold on the imp. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, causing him to let go of the handles and try to get Loona’s arms off him.

The bike swerved left and right, then left again. It went straight for the left, and into another alleyway.

And by sheer dumb luck, they knocked Alexandr Kozár off his course and caused him to fall down. The bike stopped, after Moxxie put the brakes.

Loona stopped throwing hands with the imp and turned around. The target was right there.

And better yet, the other half of the I.M.P just walked in. Millie spun her axe around with her twisted smile, while Blitzo gave his pocket knife a long smooch.

A very long smooch.

Everybody else was staring at the ridiculousness of the boss’ display. He kept his eyes open and just went to town with that knife.

Finally, he stopped, but he busted some slob on the blade.

Loona squirmed. “J-Jesus fucking Christ, Blitzo…”

He wiped his mouth. “Okay, Alexandr. Before we close this thing out, let me inform you of our day. First, Millie here ripped out a man’s heart, say hi Millie,” The female imp took a step forward and waved at Alexandr with her crazed smug look. “Then, we ate fucking STEAKS for lunch, that was very weird, then Moxxie here stabbed me in the FUCKING sides, I should fuck him up when we return,” Millie turned to Moxxie and looked very unhappy with the news. She clicked her tongue and gave him a stink eye. “And now, we are going to kill the most infamous assassin in the Czech Republic. Just so you know, some overlord wanted YOU dead! That is a huge honor.”

Alexandr got himself up and busted out his blades on both hands. You ever shut up, friend?”

Blitzo stuck his hands out and looked at Millie. “Oh look, the guy can talk now. That’s new.”

But the killer was in no mood to play games. He turned around and charged at Loona. She didn’t react quick enough, and took a blade to her chest. Before he can put the other blade in, she slumped over and gasped for air. Moxxie whipped out his cutlass and swung for the man’s eyes, but he knocked the cutlass over with the force of one blade, spun around, and stuck the other in the imp’s stomach.”

“FUUUUUCKKK!!!” Moxxie fell over and held his wound.

Blitzo and Millie stood there in shock. The boss couldn’t stand to see his ‘daughter’ take a slice like that.

“LOONA!” 

He ran over, but Millie tried to reach for him. “SIR, NO!”

Blitzo was helpless against the man’s pocket knife. He tried to go for the man’s forehead, but the assassin ducked and repeatedly jabbed at Blitzo’s abdomen. The multiple strikes knocked the air out of his lungs and caused the boss to collapse.

Millie gasped. Tears started falling out of her eyes.

She still had that axe in her hand, but she had to keep her range.

The imp charged at Alexandr, and swung her axe high, then diagonally. However, she just barely missed his head. 

The man swarmed Millie as she stood back. He sliced one knife, then the other knife. She jumped back on both swings. 

Then out of nowhere, Moxxie ran over and stabbed through the man’s back with his cutlass. Alexandr cried out in pain. This was the perfect opportunity for Millie.

She swung the axe again, but Alexandr launched himself back and caused himself and Moxxie to fall. However, the cutlass was fully inside his body.

He grunted, and lifted himself back up. Alexandr grabbed the handle of the cutlass, pulled it out and stabbed it into Moxxie’s pelvis without any sign of hesitation. The imp shrieked. Alexandr clenched his fists and walked slowly to Millie, who was shaking at first, but she transitioned to her stance, ready to take on the man.

Then she heard an engine.

The motorbike. 

Loona huffed and puffed. She wasn’t going to go down like this. She slammed on the pedal and aimed for Alexandr. He tried running off to one of the sides, but Loona quickly caused the bike to skid and positioned it sideways. She jumped off. The motorbike struck Alexandr and pushed him back a couple of yards. He rolled onto the pavement, where a speeding car ran him over and crushed his body in the process. 

Millie sighed. She turned around and was delighted to see that the members were able to get up on their feet, even Blitzo, who was a few stabs away from death.

Without saying a word, Blitzo walked over to the corpse and took photos,   
——  
Millie held the axe on one hand and a pistol on one hand.

“Alright, everybody! Line up!”

The crew were all inside the workshop, which was all covered in blood splatters. Millie was ready to heal everybody’s wounds back in Hell...by promptly putting them out of their misery and allowing them to rejoin Hell with entirely fixed up bodies. This is the way that they recover after a very difficult assignment like the one they just did. Dying in the living world was a big deal, but as long as they were back in Hell, they can quite literally kill each other whenever they please.

She walked over to Blitzo. “Looks like you need a lot of fixin’, boss!”

He shrugged and tried to talk with blood still coming out of his mouth. “Y’know, as the head of this company, I usually just shoot myself to fix the wounds, but eh. I think I can possibly make this an exceptio—“

Before finishing the sentence, Millie swung the axe and chopped Blitzo’s head off clean. The blood spurted from the socket and the body fell over. She giggled.

She carried on to Loona, who stared down at her with malice.

“You shoot me in the head, or I will fucking kill you myself...and slowly.”

She nodded. “Fair enough. You did save our asses.”

Millie aimed for the hound’s forehead and took the shot. The bullet pierced Loona’s brain and caused her brain matter to splatter all over the walls. Her body fell over too. 

Then finally, Moxxie…

He grinned.

“You know what to do, honey…”

Moxxie laid down and gave her the thumbs up. He was moving around in excitement.

Millie snickered. She threw away the axe and the pistol. Then, she stepped over Moxxie and bent over. The imp, who prided himself on being a professional, pulled down Millie’s pants and exposed her backside.

Then, she took a five minute long seat on his face. There was no other way Moxxie wanted to die and respawn in Hell.  
———  
The elevator to the main floor finally came. Millie was sitting on a chair sharpening her axe when Blitzo, Loona, and Moxxie finally arrived with their fresh lives. 

Blitzo crossed his arms when he saw Millie, who could only chuckle and put her finger on her chin, trying to tell him “sorry for decapitating you before you finished your words.”

Loona scratched her head. “Whenever you do the job, you always save Moxxie for last. What the fuck is it that you do to him?”

The couple giggled together.

Millie reassured the hound, “You’ll never find out!”

Blitzo yawned and went over to the meeting room. He closed the door and took out his keys.

“Well, everybody. It’s about that time again. What do you guys say to a nice family dinner to celebrate a successful day like this?”

Moxxie groaned. Millie was on board. “I’d say that sounds fantastic, sir!”

Loona put her hand out. “Wait just a second.”

She walked to the ritual room next to the workshop and went to the vent. She forced it open with her bare hands and reached for her phone. The hound walked out and went back to her casual texting.

“Okay, I’m down.”


	4. You Don’t Deserve To Live Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait, you thought we were gonna spend another chapter with the group eating? Haha, you’re funny. Nah, these fools need some cash to stash. Dough to roll. Stacks to pack. Bucks to tuck. Paper to savor. You get the idea. 
> 
> They arrive at this dark and dusty ol’ space. Looks gross as shit. These guys ever heard of Service Master?

Last night was one of the more calming experiences that the I.M.P had together. The dining was actually quite nice, and despite the fact that the service doesn’t give a shit about you (which was pretty typical for all of Hell’s restaurants), they bonded with their waiter pretty well. The group held a conversation about a variety of things, including today’s near death experience, Blitzo and Moxxie’s cooperative effort to expose one of the targets, and the gruesome kill on their first assignment. Additional topics included Stolas, whom Blitzo was thinking of after the prince asked him if they can get back together, and Shrapnel, with Loona pondering her sexuality and whether or not she wants to spend the rest of her afterlife with her.

They were very inclusive and taken seriously. After the night, everybody went on to their usual business. In the morning, Moxxie and Millie woke up in perfect harmony, with both of them making breakfast for each other. Blitzo and Loona tidied up the headquarters and even had time to clean the blood from the workshop. It was rather terrifying for them to pick up their own corpses, but what was even more terrifying was seeing how Millie managed to kill Moxxie without even a single scratch...at first.

Loona started to put the pieces together, and was no longer terrified. She was absolutely disgusted.  
——  
No time for a briefing. Everybody already knew what they were going to do today. 

The four jumped out of the portal, and found themselves inside a dressing room for a play of some sort…There were posters on the walls, and some ashtrays along with a clown suit.

They were in the closet, peeking out and making sure that there was nobody with them at the moment. Blitzo let himself out and signaled for everybody to follow.

“all clear…”

The doorknob turned.

“oh fuck! not clear, not clear!” Blitzo hastily made his way back inside and shoved Loona in as well.

There was a woman sporting long luscious blond hair, and a long trench coat that extended down to her knees, with black leggings underneath.

She sat herself down on the stool in the very middle of the dressing room and sighed loudly. She put her hands to her face and began sniffling. 

Blitzo popped out of the closet and stuck out his pocket knife.

“Now! She is vulnerable!”

The woman stopped and looked up. She fell back and looked up in terror at the sight of the imp.

“W-w-what do you want!?”

Loona walked up, grabbed Blitzo’s pocket knife from him, and gave him a scowl. He shrugged his shoulders, wondering what he did wrong.

The hound stood over the woman and clicked her tongue.

“Hey, there is no easy way to say this. We were hired to kill you, and we intend on fulfilling that promise.”

The woman’s heart skipped a beat, as she clutched her chest and set herself up for a sobbing session.

Loona groaned. “Oh, goddamnit.”

Millie walked out and took a knee right next to the distressed target. She put her hand on her back.

“There there. Let it all out. Just tell me what’s been eating you.”

She wiped her tears and looked at the comforting imp.

“I-I-I can’t continue on like this…but I don’t want—“ She continued crying.

Millie put her head on the woman’s shoulder and gave her a few pats. “I’m here to listen. Just tell me yer’ story and how we can make this kill right.”

She nodded.

“We don’t have anymore money to continue *sniff* my dream play, and I just don’t know what I can do about it. I have dreams of—of—of being a successful playwright, and—“

Before she can continue, Millie put her finger on the woman’s mouth and gave her a sympathetic look.

“You feel like this world is too cruel for you. Too cruel for yer’ dreams and aspirations? This your first time?”

She shook her head.

“I’ve had 6 plays that were cut short…”

The imp sighed, stood up, and offered her a hand.

“Look, we have to complete our job, but I can tell you this on the low, okay? I can confirm that there is an afterlife, and theater is not dead in either Heaven or He—“

The playwright interrupted. “Hell. I’ve done terrible things to the people that I’ve worked with. I accidentally drove a *sniff* jester into suicide by having his understudy take over. He couldn’t maintain his role.”

Moxxie gasped. “The Jester Prince.”

Blitzo and Loona looked at each other, and were baffled. The Jester Prince was one of the most ruthless overlords in Hell. His explanation for his dark heart and his barbaric ways was always the cruelty of one woman.

The hound interrogated her. “Did you abuse him or anything?”

She spoke up. “Of course not! I tried to break the news to him as best as I *sniff* could but I was always the worst bearer of bad news. I don’t want people to be unhappy, and now I have blood on my hands. And on top of that, they discontinued my plays along with three others. I’ve been drinking and smoking ever since. I lost my innocence. I don’t deserve to live here, I don’t deserve to continue wasting oxygen…”

Millie stood up.

“You don’t deserve to live here...”

The woman looked down in gloom.

“...because you deserve a second chance at another realm.”

The imp reached for her hand. Reluctantly, the woman accepted her hand and was raised to her feet.

“What’s yer’ name?”

The target rubbed her arm. “Tiffany. My friends call me Tiff. Or at least I used to be called Tiff at times…”

“Do you have a kitchen out there? Anything to bake?”

She nodded. “No, but there is a bakery a block away.”

Millie gleamed, and headed out the door.

Blitzo looked at Tiffany, and Tiffany looked back at Blitzo.

“I can’t say I’m sorry for scaring you like that. We’re in a bit of a hurr—“

Loona smacked him in the face.   
——-  
After 20 minutes of awkward conversation, Millie came back to the room with a large plate that held a personal-sized key lime pie. It was layered with cream. 

Tiffany gasped at the look of the pie, and sat herself back down on the stool. It looked delicious

The imp gave her a big smile as she handed her the pie along with a fork. 

“If you are going to die here on Earth, you should treat yourself to one last high before you enter Hell. It’ll be a painless and delicious death for you.”

The aspiring playwright took a large piece of the small pie, and ate it whole. She chewed, and her eyes lit up from the wonderful taste of the pie.

In the process, she was also getting drowsy, and her body had a numbing sensation. However, it was a painless one. She glanced at Millie, who nodded. The euthanizing agents were working.

“T-T-Thank you…”

Tiffany slumped over from the stool and was knocked out.

The life in her has left.

Millie took a knee and looked down at the wide-eyed woman. She put her hand on her eyelids and closed them.

“Have a safe trip, darlin’...”  
———  
Blitzo sat himself down at the waiting lounge. He was expecting a call soon, due to a certain person requesting that they talk it out.

The I.M.P decided to bag up Tiffany whole. Neither of them had the heart and guts to cut up somebody with such tragic circumstances. Not even Blitzo. Right now, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona were already on Earth completing the second assignment.

Suddenly, Blitzo’s phone began ringing.

Creepy mouth.

The imp picked up the phone. “Alright, Stolas, I’m answering your dumbass call. What the hell do you want?”

…

“You really think I’m stupid, huh?”

…

“Yeah you do.”

…

“What’s that?”

……

“Absolutely fucking not. I have assignments to complete, you feathered asswipe.”

…There was sobbing on the other line.

“Oh, goddamnit, don’t do that.”

…

“Don’t—Stop, just stop. Look, I’ll go if you really want me to.”

…

“Yes, yes.”

…

“Alright, I’ll see you there.”

Blitzo hung up the phone. He walked down to the elevator, but not before catching a glimpse of the ritual room. 

He sighed.

Then he continued walking without looking back.


	5. It Will Never Happen Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mans really knocked over Stolas’ castle and dipped, and now Stolas wants him back? Blitzo must have some strong dick game if that creep wants to come around after that. Yeah and also, can you get me a large cold brew? Caramel. None of that mocha shit.

Blitzo sat alone on the table, taking a sip of his coffee. He scanned the entirety of the room, but was disappointed to see that the prince had not arrived yet. There was some chatter from imps of all kind, and well-built demons who segregated themselves from the imps that they believe were inferior to them. He caught one of them pointing at a table of friends and laughing at the fact that they were all the same height, which was below average for imp standards, making them much more vulnerable to their slurs.

The boss groaned. He took another sip and tapped rapidly on the table. This was not fun in the slightest. Now he was just focused on making this quick so he can finally leave and look after his business.

After a while, the phone began buzzing, for he got another call.

Valentino.

The imp picked up the phone and put it against his ear. “Hello?”

“Ah, good. So you’re still hard at work, huh?”

“Yeaaaah. We got some of these contracts in, and we’ve been kicking ass thus far. Don’t you stress that boss ass face of yours, Vale, I’m going to get to yours soon.”

Valentino chuckled. The imp on the other line heard murmuring from multiple voices.

The overlord returned to the phone. “You’re going to get to mine...now.”

Blitzo gulped. “I’m sorry, man, but you’re still in a queue with all the other overlords. I move you up and I’ll get fucked up by—-“

“Oh what’s that? I couldn’t hear you, Blitz-baby. I’m too busy sending out my men to return me your head. Unless of course, you do as I say.”

The imp pulled his shirt and quietly began to whine. The overlord still continued his rant.

“First, you’re going to move me at the very top of that queue. Second, you’re going to kill my targets. Third, you—-“

Blitzo sputtered. “Hey woah woah woah. You can’t fucking do that, guy! You paid for the price of one head! One thick bloody head! I need the proper payment if you even want me to consider doing this shit.”

Valentino sighed. The imp was able to hear him stroke his chin.

“You know what being an overlord means? It means having the power. Triumphing over the weak and owning a piece of Hell for yourself. You feelin’ me right now? If you don’t want to do the job that you promised to do back at the casino—“

“Vale, come on—“

“—-then you are not only going to lose a blossoming business relationship, but you will feel my wrath as my associates proceed to cut you up into little pieces and throw ya’ into the river. You got that, kid? Price of one. Put me on top of the queue, finish the job and I’ll give you all the money you want.”

Valentino hung up.

Blitzo put the phone down and stroked the sides of his head. This was going bad.

And the door swung open just in time to make matters worse.

It was Stolas. He wasn’t dressed in his formal outfit. Instead, he got an oversized black hoodie on that covered him up, along with a black face mask that covered up his small beak. He sat himself down across Blitzo and merely looked at him with the only part of him that the imp could see: his eyes.

The imp cleared his throat.

Nothing.

“Okay, dipshit, I did what you begged me to do, what do you want?”

Stolas coughed. He kept his facemask on as he placed his scaly hand on the imp’s.

With a very hoarse voice, the owl finally talked. “I couldn’t bear to spend another day without seeing you, Blitzy.”

The owl took off his facemask and affectionately pecked the imp’s hand with his beak. Blitzo groaned, and took back his own hand as he shook it to get some of the saliva off.

“That was fucking weird, man. You came here to do that, or…”

Stolas’ voice was back to normal. “I came here because I want to repair our business relationship. It’s clear that I had some personal issues with you, but now that its been a while, I want to come back…”

Blitzo crossed his arms. “And just why should I work for you again? After what you did to Moxxie? After what you did to Millie? After what you did to my fucking daughter!?”

The prince held his hands out trying to calm down the imp. He talked at a fast pace. “Look, that show of unprofessionalism was all in the past and I did it merely because I couldn’t get enough of your exhilarating body, and after you failed your contracts and gave me more excuses to blackmail you, I wanted you really bad.” The owl sighed. “I was put to shame by the rest of Hell, and I can’t return to that place ever again. I need your services, but I promise I will never abuse you or hurt you in any way or—“

Blitzo stuck his own hand out. “Stop, stop, stop. I get it. This is the last damn straw you get, birdboy. You want our services that bad? Fine. But I promise you, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, we’ll fucking destroy your entire palace next time.”

Stolas nodded slowly, and fixated his eyes on the table. He was ashamed of himself.

The imp finished his coffee and stood back up. 

“Call our number next time. I’m removing you as a contact, because this shit isn’t personal anymore.”

Stolas sighed.

Blitzo walked out of the café.  
——  
The imp was waiting for the crosswalk that would lead him directly to the headquarters. He took out his phone and checked the time.

3:30PM. 

Goddamnit. He was already late for the final assignment. 

He took one last good look at the top of the headquarters before he focused back to the light.

Then out of nowhere, he felt a kick down his spine.

Blitzo collapsed hard on the pavement and had no idea how to respond to the sudden attack. Four men got down and proceeded to punch him and kick him down. The imp was bleeding from his nose, as one punch connected with his nose.

The force of every blow took the air out of his lungs. He had nowhere to go, and didn’t know what to do in this situation.

Another punch to the face. Blitzo was busted open now.

They continued their assault for a little while, until a tall figure came in and looked down at the battered boss.

It was the Jester Demon.

The overlord grabbed Blitzo’s collar and held him back up. The imp couldn’t look him in the eye. His eyes were swelling.

“You fucking bastard. You think I’m stupid, HUH? I cut that bitch’s corpse up. She was euthanized…”

Blitzo put his finger up and was about to speak to try to de-escalate the situation, but the jester grabbed the digit and snapped it backwards. Blitzo began screaming.

“You little shit. That’s the last time I’m hiring a fucking imp to do a normal-sized job.”

He spat on the bloodied Blitzo and signaled his goons to follow him out.

They left him bleeding on the sidewalk.  
——  
Millie shrieked as she locked herself in the ritual room.

Blitzo was too late. He slammed himself against the door and tried to turn the knob. He was visibly frustrated as Moxxie and Loona looked at each other.

“Millie...open the door please.”

The powerhouse punched the door from the other side. The vibration nearly set Blitzo back.

“Goddamnit, Mills. We love you here. You really think I’m going to fire you over this!?”

She sniffed.

“No, but you were yellin’ at me…”

Blitzo facepalmed and tried to turn the knob again, but Millie threw another violent swing on the door that did its job and pushed the injured imp back, landing awkwardly on his legs. 

Millie began ranting. “We all did an amazin’ job, even when you weren’t there to see it. Now you come back and you wanna talk down on me because I gave the poor girl the death she deserved?”

The boss sighed. “It’s not about that. Your affection pissed off one of our clients. Chances are, he’s going to spill the beans about what you did. They’re going to come at us hard if we don’t do something.”

Suddenly, everyone heard the elevator go down.

Everybody that was on the other side of the door instantly turned their heads. The building was closed to the public. How was the elevator activated?

Then they heard it come back up.

The doors slowly opened.

It was Stolas. His hoodie and his feathers were covered in blood. He carried a large potato sack with him.

The bird slowly walked up to Blitzo and offered him the sack.

The imp reluctantly grabbed it. “What the fuck is this?”

Stolas smirked. “You’ll cherish it…”

Blitzo took a look inside. He couldn’t believe what he just saw.

The heads of the Jester Demon and his goons. They were all radiating a dark energy.

Stolas held a large book and gave it to Blitzo.

“Say the chant.”

Loona and Moxxie gasped. In all their years of killing, the I.M.P has never erased anybody out of existence. And that’s just what they were about to do.

Blitzo’s jaw was dropped to the floor. He looked at Stolas and back to the heads.

He held the book up as he read it.

Mori mori mori. Vos autem non vivet. Mori mori mori. Di non custodiat te. Mori mori mori. Relinquam in vacui. Mori mori mori. Vos mos evanui in nusquam!

The heads released an intense light that blinded everybody in the room. Suddenly, it stopped. Blitzo looked into the bag and was shocked to see it was now empty.

He just killed an overlord.

A part of him wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, knowing that he committed an inexcusable crime that will be further investigated by the rest of the nobility in Hell.

But another part of him wanted to do something else.

He rushed up to Stolas and kissed him full on. The owl’s eyes were wide open at first, until he closed them and embraced the imp’s lips. He held Blitzo off his feet as they continued on.

Moxxie went over to the door.

“You can come out now, my love…”

She sniffed.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

She opened the door, and rushed up to Moxxie, who held her. They embraced as Millie began crying into his arms.

Loona stood there wondering what the fuck just happened.  
——  
Millie took a swig of some Apple Ciroc as she sat next to Blitzo in the lounge. Stolas had already left with his book, and was enthusiastic about the repair of his relationship with Blitzo. The imp may have despised the overwhelming libido of the prince, but he still had feelings for him. Loona was downstairs in her own room, and Moxxie was waiting outside in the car, praying that nothing drastic happens.

Blitzo cleared his throat. “Millie, I’m sorry for going apeshit on you. I got my ass beat and I couldn’t be man enough to take the blame.”

She took her lips off the Ciroc.

“I always thought you were a great boss, sir. You told it how it is, and you were always tryin’ to lighten up the day. I see qualities in you that I wish I saw in Moxxie…”

Blitzo looked down.

“...But you made me realize that…”

The boss looked up.

“...You’re just my boss, and it’s always just gonna be you bein’ the boss. I thank you for everythin’ ya done for me and my sweet Mox, I really do. But we need to be a lil’ professional about this.”

Blitzo quietly gasped to himself. It seemed like she and Moxxie had a talk behind his back after the whole incident. 

Millie took another sip.

“I’m sorry for having a heart. I promise you…”

She threw the bottle on the floor with a hard swing. The glass shattered everywhere and the liquor spilled onto the carpet. Millie clenched her fists and walked away without even looking back at her boss.

“...it will never happen again…”  
——  
Moxxie spotted Millie walking towards the car. He quickly got out of the driver’s seat, went around the car, and opened the passenger door for her. She gave him a light smile. 

“Thanks, Mox.”

He gave her a half nod in return and walked back to his own seat. He closed the door and strapped himself in. Right when he was about to move the stick, Moxxie and Millie looked at each other.

Millie reached her hand out to his face and felt his cheek. She giggled.

“You’re growing stubble, hun.”

He put his hand on her hair and stroked down. She always loved it when he did that.

“I’m really sorry for the way I behaved these past couple of years, but I’m glad you see why I’m so skeptical of him.”

Her smile faded and she slowly nodded. Millie looked out of the window as Moxxie backed the car.

“What say we make some chicken wings together? Maybe a cake too?”

Millie turned back to Moxxie.

“I’d fuckin’ love that, Mox.” She smiled.  
——  
Blitzo sat in his chair. He was visibly disgusted with the way things turned out. It seemed like every single one of his employees now had something to hold against him.

The imp sighed as he put his hand to his face.

Another call.

Blitzo picked up the phone. “You reached the number of bottled depression.”

A masked voice suddenly shocked him to his core. “yOu tHoUgHt yOu cAn gEt aWaY WiTh wHaT yOu jUsT DiD?

His mind nearly snapped in two. His body was filled with an unbearable warmth as the fear trickled down to his bones.

“W-w-what?”

“yOu CaLL bAcK iN 2 dAyS, oR yOuLL rEgReT iT…”

The mysterious person on the other line hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, this is the part where I began distancing myself from having to post every day! Expect another chapter on Friday! Thank you all for your support, and be sure to leave some comments!


	6. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn! Millie is STILL mad even after the time jump? Now this I gotta see. Grey’s Anatomy in the house!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to writing daily.

It’s been 3 days since the I.M.P killed the Jester Demon. 

Moxxie was wiping down each disassembled part of his pistol, making sure the weapon was clean for the next mission. He stashed the cutlass somewhere in the house after determining that his skillset somehow only grew ineffective after he first took it from the military base.

Things have been surreal for the imp. After becoming the center of attention weeks ago, he returned and adapted to the typical work process and his relationships with everybody. However, he was starting to believe that he came at the worst time. With his small heart and his lack of patience, Moxxie was compelled to believe that he’d burn himself out or explode in a ball of rage.

He’s been growing stubble, and keeps forgetting to shave every night. Millie wasn’t uncomforted by the change in her husband’s shifting appearance, but she secretly wished that the weapons specialist would come around and go back to his baby-face self. In Moxxie’s defense, there was absolutely no time to do anything other than work. Recently, he was drawing up schematics and strategizing after learning of today’s contract. It’s been eating him up, and Millie missed the days where they’d come to bed at the same time and do whatever they wish for an hour. However, those days slowly faded away. Moxxie refused to lose his focus.

As he inserted a special clip full of special shots inside one Beretta M9, Loona walked into the private office. She didn’t notice the imp at first, but when she saw what he was doing, she groaned, instantaneously catching Moxxie’s attention.

“You’re not overcomplicating our fucking guns, are you?”

He shook his head. “No. This is for me.” The imp went back to counting his shots.

She facepalmed. “You doofus. You’re putting shotgun shells INSIDE a Beretta? Are you nucking futs?”

“I tweaked it.”

She laughed. “Oh, yeah, you tweaked it. Next thing you’re gonna tell me, you crammed it into th—“

Moxxie grabbed the gun, aimed high, and shot the pistol. Loona gasped and ducked right before he fired the gun. The shot sent him back on his swiveling chair but sent the shot all over the wall.

Loona raised herself again. “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

The imp smirked. He was satisfied with the result. Moxxie placed the pistol back on the table and slapped a small circular red label onto it, then moved the pistol into his own backpack.

The hellhound huffed out of the room.

———

The four left the portal. They arrived at a dark corridor inside a hospital. They examined the clock. It was 2 in the morning, and the hospital seemed to have been emptied out. No staff staying overnight, no patients, nobody.

This place was isolated.

Blitzo looked around as he used the flashlight to guide them. He stuck his hand out and made a bunny finger puppet and made it hop around. He giggled, then turned to Millie, who had a blank face with her eyelids down. It seemed like she did not care for his bullshit.

He turned around to the rest of the crew.

“Okay, this place seems hella sketchy. Something out of a horror movie, no? Moxxie and Loona, you guys go back and take that direction, me and Millie will continue forward and see if we can find anything on the west wing.”

Loona and Moxxie looked at each other. They did not approve of this command, and Blitzo knew it.

“Come on, people, don’t you two be the fourth and fifth pain in my ass today.”

Moxxie sighed, and reached for Loona’s paw, but she instantly slapped his hand away and got in his face, scowling at him. They both reluctantly walked the other way.

Blitzo turned back and put his arm around Millie.

“Oookay! Forward!”

Millie did not respond. She started to walk forward, as well as Blitzo.

They examined the dimly lit hospital. A lot of vibrant yet non-intense green in certain spots. It was like a Saw movie.

The boss turned to his ‘beloved’ employee.

“So, Mills, any juicy stories you wanna share, girl? Did you tell Moxxie to grow that dumbass beard?”

She shot him a dirty look. Blitzo blabbered and corrected himself. 

“C-C-Cuz I love it! Visually pleasing to the eye! Who needs manscaping, am I right?”

Millie scoffed and turned back forward. She did not want to continue this.

Blitzo sighed. 

He walked for a little, and pondered to himself about what he could possibly do in this situation. He clearly upset Millie, and she hasn’t even acknowledged his existence. That has to change. Millie was right, he is the boss, and he was going to take control of the situation and solve it in his own signature bold ways.

The boss turned off the flashlight. Millie stood still, but did not bother turning around or asking what happened.

Blitzo began phase one.

“Millie, I don’t know just how much I can stress this. I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on you, but it's all over with now. It’s all in the past. The Jester Demon is already dead, Mills. I need that happy high energy girl right now. You used to be the cream and sugar of this team! Without your spirit, we’re just fucking disgusting black coffee, and you know how I feel about black coffee! Please, I really want you to forgive me…”

Millie chuckled, then she looked down.

“You think I’m a fucking joke, huh?” 

Blitzo gulped as Millie began her own phase one...out of one.

“I’m not a dummy, boss. I know the Jester Demon croaked, and we’re gettin’ back to business. That’s not the reason why I’ve been duckin’ you lately. You wanna know what yer’ problem is?”

Blitzo mumbled. “W-what?”

She raised her head back up and stared dead in his eyes.

“The problem is that you are always wantin’ more. You’re never satisfied with what ya’ got. More attention, more time with yer’ employees, more money spent towards things we don’t need, more alcohol that I have to drop by yer’ desk every morning, more pointless briefings, and that’s just durin’ work. I’m glad we’re finally in business, sir, but your selfishness and devotion to these dark lords are gonna be the death of us.”

Blitzo scoffed. “Selfishness? I don’t think I’m sel—“

“Why did you leave the circus?”

“W-what?”

Millie crept up slowly to Blitzo and faced him from below. “Why did you leave the circus? Why did you leave your family behind and came to Imp City?”

Blitzo knew that he couldn’t win this one.

“Because I...wanted more. But they were fucking abusive!”

Millie groaned.

“You left the circus when it started pickin’ up. You remember the days. You were a fine act, and yer’ family provided you with everything ya’ needed, and much more. Caterin’, servants, ya’ name it.”

“H-h-how did you—“

“One of my big brothers used to work there, sweepin’ the floors and slaving away serving your family along with a few other personal servants. When I told em’ about what you did to me, he was shocked. He remembered you, and he recounted how much of a fake asshole you are, and it opened my eyes.”

Blitzo gasped.

“Millie! Don’t you dare call me an—-“

“Asshole? Or what? You gonna throw another chair at my poor bro? We had nothin’ back then. How do you think I ended up? Like you?”

Blitzo’s eyes turned pouty as he hung his head down in shame.

“I had a nightmare last night, sir.”

He looked up.

“We were all captured by these demons in long red robes. They held blades to our throats and threatened us to spill the beans. We were there because of what we did to the Jester Demon. We erased a significant being without the proper jurisdiction, and we had to answer or else we’d get convicted.” Her hands started shaking as Blitzo continued listening with sympathy. “They dragged me by my hair and forced me to watch them behead you all, and they saved my Mox for last. His poor helpless face, his blood spewing all over me, and I couldn’t do a damn’ thing about it. They stuck all your heads in pikes. They left me to watch the pike process, and forced me to kiss my lifeless Moxxie. Then…”

She held her hand over her mouth and began tearing up. Millies accent was completely gone. She was much more formal with her speech. 

“The point I was trying to make with that is that all four of us can die any day, and it is much more likely if we continue to appease these powerful beings and dig ourselves into a hole that we can’t get out of…”

“Blitzo only had one thing to add. “Y-y-you sound like Moxxie…”

She groaned and paused. The powerhouse turned the other direction and walked back in her own course.

“Don’t you dare follow me.”  
———

“You shouldn’t be playing with that.”

Moxxie stroked his chin as he tried juggling between finding the target, and making sure Loona doesn’t shoot her eye out with his modified pistol. She swung the pistol around first then gritted her teeth on it.

“Nothing brings me joy than treating your modified gun like another one of my toys.”

The imp groaned as he swiped the gun out of Loona’s hands and continued walking. She caught up to him.

“So who the fuck is this person, and why is it so difficult to find our target? Better question is, what the hell happened here.”

Moxxie cleared his throat. “We’re looking for a Dr. Sally Dumile. She’s a mad doctor who conducted a series of sadistic experiments in this very place.”

The hound scratched her head. “And some wacko control freak wants her dead? This is petty work, right?”

Moxxie shook his head. “Apparently, she was a huge asset to our client, and her services are needed down there. Keep your eyes and ears open, however. You’ll never know when you’re going to get—“

Suddenly, Moxxie tripped over a very thin string that activated a net to fall from the ceiling and hold the two members down.

Loona struggled to get herself off the floor. The net had a bunch of sandbags tied to it.

“G-g-goddamnit Moxxie…”

She followed up her displeasure with a hard kick to Moxxie’s shin. 

“OW! What is wrong with you, woman!?”

They heard footsteps. Somebody was approaching. They looked at each other and before they can turn around, they both felt a syringe stab into their arms and exert. 

The target had just injected hallucination drugs into their system.

———

Millie continued walking back to the east side of the hospital. She was convinced that Blitzo was irredeemable. Out of everybody in the I.M.P, she had the purest of qualities, and never gave Blitzo a hard time or any shit. And how did the boss repay her?

======

“DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT SHIT AGAIN! WE COULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF BUSINESS FOR YOUR FUCKING RECKLESSNESS!”

Moxxie stood up and stared down the boss as his wife continued sobbing.

“YOU. BACK THE HELL OFF!” The smaller imp was willing to put up a fight for Millie.

“HOW ABOUT YOU FUCK OFF AND STOP INTERRUPTING THE BOSS!”

Moxxie pushed his chair away and took out his cutlass. He pointed at the boss and was willing to cut him into pieces.

“You talk to Millie like that again...I am going to FUCKING—“

Suddenly, Millie stood up from her chair and shrieked.

“STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!”

She continued bawling as she left the briefing and headed for the ritual room.

======

With intense shouting, that’s what.

Millie took a turn once she reached the end of the hall.

And she found the target looking right at her with a gun in her hand.

The imp gasped and put her hands up. Her axe was sidelined for this mission, but she had a gun in her holster. Sadly, that was useless now that she was held at gunpoint.

Sally Dumile.

“Ah, they sent literal demons to come shank my shit? Hehe, yeah right.”

———

Loona and Moxxie laughed to themselves as they continued scrambling through the options.

“If I had to be completely honest with you, Mox , I’d totally fuck your dumbass in a heartbeat.”

They both giggled. Moxxie responded.

“And if I had to be completely totally and completely honest, my wife dicks me down in bed, so never say never.”

Loona laughed hysterically.

“Imp City is such a shithole. I wish we all could just relocate to Pentagram City and just throw our money around like we don’t give fuck.”

The imp nodded.

“I’ve been trying to move there. I wanna start a family with my Millie and just spend the rest of my afterlife there for all of eternity.”

“All of eternity?”

Moxxie smirked. “All of motherfucking buttsuckin’ slutchuckin’ eternity.” 

They both laughed again. Loona stopped Moxxie with a tap on his shoulder and was excited to keep this conversation going.

“Speaking of which, did you know Millie asked me about you? She’s kinda worried about you, bro.”

Moxxie chuckled. “Yeah I know.”

Silence.

“Nah, man, I mean she is REALLY worried about you. You guys don’t talk to each other as much. Getting real scary.”

The imp played with his fingers. “Fuck. I’ve been busy making these worthless pieces of junk all the time. We haven’t even gotten to use any of my weapons all day. I’m getting real worried about Millie though.”

Loona scoffed. “Come on. It’s fucking Millie, y’know?”

———

It was a pale woman with a severe burn on the left side of her cheek. Her eyeball was slightly deformed as it shifted to the side of the burn, and some of her brown hairs stuck out in a mess.

Millie gulped.

“M’am, we were sent to kill you so we can send you to Hell. A certain someone wants you on board…”

Sally cackled, as she loaded the gun and pointed at the imp’s head.

“You think I’m a fucking idiot? 

Millie had to think fast.

Viewing her options, she knew that in order to reverse this situation in her favor, she had to move quickly and avoid the bullet while overtaking Sally. If she ducked quick, perhaps it can alarm her and cause her to fatigue a little. She was the paranoid type. Trigger-happy? You bet.

Millie put her hands out.

“You don’t have to do this. Just let me go and we will call off—“

Millie ducked, but in that quarter of a second, she landed awkwardly on her ankle and winced in pain.

She’s dead.

Or so she thought.

The imp heard a gunshot, but it didn’t hit her. Instead, she looked back up to see Blitzo tackling the doctor down, struggling for the gun.

Millie quickly took the gun out of her holster, loaded it, and pointed. Sally turned and saw that the imp was really to shoot. It was too late for her.

BANG BANG!

A shot to the chest and the head. Blitzo screamed at the sudden gunshots, and once he realized that Millie didn’t accidentally shoot his head off, he rolled away from Sally and stood himself. The boss brushed the dust from his jacket.

He turned to Millie and smiled.

“Good thing I was there to—“

Millie groaned, aimed at Blitzo’s foot, and shot him there.

“AAAAAHHH! WHAT THE FUCK!”

She giggled, as she grabbed Blitzo’s chin and fixated his head towards her.

“Don’t you do it ever again.”

Blitzo whined and nodded quickly.

———

The four returned from the portal. After the target was killed, Millie had to drag Moxxie out and slap him around to make sure he was back in reality, but alas. The couple were sitting in the lounge couch while Blitzo and Loona were inside the briefing room.

Moxxie lifted himself onto Millie and giggled. “Come on, Milly baby, let’s go home...and make some tasty tunes…”

Millie couldn’t help but crack a slight smile at the comment. She pinched his cheek and gave his nose a boop. It tickled him.

“What did that dastardly ol’ hag put inside you back there?”

Moxxie came up to her ear and whispered.

“Same thing that’s abouta’ get into you.”

She laughed, and hugged Moxxie as he struggled to move.

“You’re so freakin’ funny when you’re horny. I’m glad you’re back to giving lil’ ol’ me some attention.”

He chuckled, not even hearing the subtle shot at him. “Hehe, yeaaaah.”

Blitzo was standing behind Loona who was sitting on the chair. He clasped his hands together and awaited the announcement from Loona, who appeared to have returned to normal. She developed a resistance to multiple drugs over the years.

“This is not gonna be easy to tell you.”

The imp patted Loona on the shoulder. “Go ahead, my precious. You tell me what you need to tell me, alright?”

She gave him a slight nod.

“I’m moving out.”

That, he was not ready for.

“What!? Loona!”

The hound shrugged. “I’m sorry, Blitzo. I can’t stand having to live in the same place that I work, especially in this shithole of this town. Look, Shrapnel texted me when we returned from the casino. She gave me an option of moving in with her here.”

The imp father scoffed. “Shouldn’t she be focusing on patrolling for pampered piece of shit millionaires in the North?”

Loona rolled her eyes. “She insisted on moving here, and they respected her wishes.”

“Oh great, now you’re talking about respect here—“

“I’m not fucking talking about respect, I’m talking about why she is moving HERE.”

The imp sighed and laid back in his chair.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…”

Loona looked downward and put her paw on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you here.”


	7. Celebrate, While We Still Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anderson .Paak is in the house BAYBEEEEEE
> 
> The gang crash a concert. Well, not really. They’re backstage and everything. Loona sipping the bubbly, Blitzo goes dumpster diving, and Moxxie and Millie play 7 Minutes in Heaven.

“Peaches?”

“Nah, I’m good, man.”

Loona helped herself to the leather sofa inside Shrapnel’s apartment. She was helping her ‘friend’ move into Imp City. Unfortunately, Shrapnel had moved into the south side of town, where all Hell broke loose in...well...Hell. However, she was going to be close to the I.M.P headquarters, and with Loona moving in, it is a great compromise for the both of them. Have the blue eyed hound drive about 40 minutes to Pentagram City for work, while Loona gets a 3 minute walk.

It’s funny, because Loona described why Shrapnel should pursue other options. She did not want to believe that she was using Shrapnel to her advantage, but whatever happened back in the casino, it made the recon girl very convinced that she wants to give Loona every bit of comfort. 

Shrapnel inhaled as she lifted the box onto the kitchen counter, and puffed once she succeeded.

“Fuck, I can’t believe I’m gonna be chillin’ here, away from all the bullshit that I used to deal with. Este lugar mira muy chingona (This place looks very cool).”

Loona was still practicing her Spanish in the meantime. She might as well work harder on that, now that she was moving in with her childhood friend.

“Si.”

Shrapnel laughed, as she took a napkin and grabbed the peach from the counter. She took a big bite and looked at Loona.

“Mmm, juicy” she said in a very seductive voice.

She smirked while Loona laughed from the uncomfortable seduction.

“Goddamnit, Shraps, what’d I tell you about that?”

The blue eyed hound snickered. “It’s great to have you here.”

———

Moxxie groaned as he tried to get himself off the seat. The briefing was over, and Blitzo and Loona already headed for the ritual room. He was still feeling the effects of the drugs, only this time, he was fully conscious and he was in no laughing mood.

Millie tried to grab him by the arm and help him up, but Moxxie didn’t help at all with that.

“My goodness, Mox, just how much did she put in you?”

“As much *long yawn* as I want to put in yo—-“

Millie put her finger on his mouth and hushed him gently.

“I think the innuendos are darn’ adorable, but this is serious.”

Moxxie raised himself up by his own power and just shrugged with little effort.

“Maybe like four?”

“Four what?”

The weapons specialist scratched his head. “Four...yeah.”

Millie sighed. She put Moxxie’s arm around her and carried him to the ritual room. There was no shame from Moxxie, despite the fact that he was becoming more of a liability these days.

As they entered the ritual room, Blitzo turned and saw the couple slowly entering the room.

“Ah, he’s still juiced up from yesterday?”

Millie nodded as she carried a sorrowful expression.

“He’s too tired to even brush, can ya’ believe it?”

Loona had her arms crossed. “Ew.” 

Millie turned to the hound and mumbled something under her breath.

All Loona did was lean over with a smirk. “I’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say? I couldn’t quite cat—“

Millie dropped a dazed Moxxie and got in the hound’s face, with her finger on Loona’s chest. “I SAID YOU ARE ONE TO TALK, YOU GROSS BITCH!”

Loona kept her smirk and slowly flipped her off. Millie was fuming. She reached for the axe on the table right behind them and was about to swing.

Blitzo stood in front of the hound and put his hands out. “Woah woah woah! Millie, let’s save it for the assignment, okay?”

The imp stopped right before she went all the way through with her throwing motion, and decided to put down the axe. Loona was not smiling anymore. It was usual for her and Millie to go at each other’s throats in shouting matches, but it seemed like things were getting violent now.

Moxxie caught the attention of his wife with his groans. He stood back up and rubbed the side of the head, where he landed. Millie gasped and came to comfort the injured imp, suddenly realizing just how far she’s gone. 

Blitzo and Loona looked at each other.

This month hasn’t quite been business as usual…

\--------

The four jumped out of the portal. Even Moxxie had enough power to travel through and stick the landing. 

Moxxie took out the cutlass from his holster and raised it up, Loona cracked her knuckles, Millie took out her signature axe and held it out, and Blitzo tossed up his pocket knife…

...and missed the catch. He bent over to pick it up while everybody got out of their stance. They couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden moment-killer.

They looked up and saw that they were in the backdoor of a large building. It was an arena, and they were inside an isolated alley where nobody could see them. Perfect. The loud neo-soul music shook the place. Blitzo went over to the backdoor and opened it for his employees. They walked inside, with the boss coming in last. 

Inside, there was nobody backstage. Just a couple of instruments laid out and a red couch with a coffee table. There was an ashtray, and an ice bucket with bottles of champagne. 

“Looks like there’s nobody here, sir. The target must be performing right now.” Moxxie spoke up with perfect speech. No more slurs. That must be progress.

“Great! Let’s salvage the bubbly then.” Loona moved over to the couch, sat herself down, and unwrapped one of the champagne bottles.

Moxxie kept his cutlass close and went to peek through the curtain. He turned back as the rest stared at him.

“Judging from the song and the crowd reaction, it appears they’re playing mid-way into the concert. I do not believe we will last that long.”

Loona chuckled. “You should already know that from yourself.”

Moxxie scowled as he fixed his bow tie.

“You know, you should start taking this SERIOUSLY!” 

Blitzo grabbed Moxxie and turned him towards himself. He hushed him and pointed back at the curtain. To be fair, the volume was very high.

“Shhh, you almost blew our cover…”

Suddenly, the curtains opened up. A well-built bald man in a black security shirt and black slacks walked in and paused once he saw the imps and the hound.

They stared at each other.

Then turned back to the security guard who tried to slowly back his way into the curtain.

That’s when Moxxie and Blitzo came rushing at him, and the man tried to turn back and reach, but Moxxie quickly impaled the man through the chest with the cutlass. The security guard gasped for air, but his mouth was getting covered by Blitzo, who tried to play noise control. They set him down, as Blitzo kneeled to keep the noise down. Moxxie raised up the cutlass, and stabbed the man through the head. 

He’s dead.

Loona swirled her glass of champagne while looking back. “Wow, that’s a clean job. Now, how are we going to cover this up in time?”

Blitzo chuckled. “Loona, didn’t you hear Mox? We are going to cover the living shit out of this on—“

“Thank you Portland. I luv y’all!”

FUCK.

Millie signaled Moxxie to follow her and they ran over to the closet, where they closed the door and held the weapons close. Blitzo ran to the exit door and waited in the back, while Loona groaned and slowly made her way underneath the couch. Miraculously, she was able to fit.

The band members walked in. A man in a green beanie with circular shades and facial hair nearly jumped at the sight.

“WOAAAAH SHIT!”

The band members gasped as they examined the body. 

“T, can you call the police? We gotta get my mans some medical attention.”

“Yessir. He took out his phone and began dialing the number. He walked through the backdoor as the other band members followed him.

All that was left was the man in the green beanie, who rubbed his eyes and groaned. This is not what he expected at all. He went down on one knee to examine the wound on the security guard’s forehead one more time.

He stood up and looked around, stroking his chin beard. He decided to sit himself down and pour some champagne.

“Damn...that’s the third time this week man…”

Suddenly, Loona crawled out from underneath the couch and took out her pistol from the holster. It was already loaded. She stood up from behind and pointed at the man’s head.

Then he chuckled once he saw the reflection of the glass.

“Oh shit, I must be trippin’ man. This a fucking dog?”

Loona gasped quietly, as the man turned over to her.

“Hey girl, name’s Brandon. Stage name, Anderson .Paak. You came here during the show?”

She gulped.

Brandon pointed to the corpse.

“You did that?”

She nodded while she still had the gun pointed to his head.

He smirked. 

“That weed is no fucking joke…So, you finna kill me next?”

“That’s the plan.”

Brandon laughed.

“Shiiiiiiiiiiit, well I surrender. Do whatever you please.” He held his hands up sarcastically as he continued laughing.

Loona was starting to get annoyed. She was genuinely going to kill him, and the fact that the target was too high to understand that he was going to die was a tragedy. She turned to the backdoor, wondering where Blitzo went.

“Alright, look man, I’m not kidding. We were sent here from Hell...to blow your fucking brains out. I’d be shitting myself if I were you.” She spun the gun around. Loona was not used to being taken as a joke, unless of course it came from Blitzo.

“Yooooo, I wanna see it happen. Let’s get this shit over wit’.”

She sighed, and aimed for his head.

“You’re way too fucking baked.” She facepalmed as she had the gun aimed.

All of a sudden, Brandon grabbed the gun, shoved her down, and aimed at her. The hound fell hard to the floor and looked back up. She felt very uneasy within her stomach.

“Nah, I’m just one step ahead of the curve...YES LAWD!”

Loona groaned. She fell for his trap.

The closet opened. Loona and Brandon turned and saw Moxxie and Millie whip out two radiating pistols.

The white haired imp cleared his throat and reloaded his gun. “I WOULDN’T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU.” 

Brandon chuckled.

“Ight, shit’s about to go down then.”

Swiftly, he aimed for his head and pulled the trigger.

The bullet was fired through the air. It sliced through and was about to make contact. 

But somehow, the bullet had stopped 7 inches within Moxxie’s face.

Brandon gasped.

Moxxie and Millie moved their guns around. The bullet moved along with them. 

The weapons specialist found a way to create pistols with their own force fields. 

Moxxie aimed at Brandon’s chrst, and shot right at him. The stray bullet that was halted dropped to the floor, while the fresh bullet pierced through Brandon.

He yelped and dropped to the floor.

They walked over and looked down at the target. Millie gasped once she realized the identity of the man.

“Wait, wait, wait. Mox…”

He turned to her.

“Yeah?”

She stuck her hands out and laughed hysterically.

“You just shot Anderson .Paak!”

Loona got herself up and sighed, walking to the backdoor.

Millie kneeled and started rubbing Brandon’s wound, as he moaned in pain. Her eyes lit up as her smile grew bright.

“Mr. Paak, I’m a big fan. Me and my Mox love to listen to your songs in the sack. Ya’ think you can perform in Imp City once you come to Hell with us?”

He coughed up blood. He pointed to his mouth while Moxxie joined in on the conversation.

“Oh, we see. Give us one blink for yes, two blinks for no…”

Brandon shook his head and tried to say something, but he only coughed up more blood on the couple’s faces.

Moxxie took out his gun and loaded it once again. He pointed at Brandon’s head.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll make it quick for you. Sorry about that.”

Brandon nodded, and closed his eyes in peace, but instantly opened them up once again when he felt Moxxie’s tap on his shoulder.

“Promise me and my wife you will be there?”

Brandon shrugged, but once he realized that he was on the other side of the pistol, he nodded quickly.

Moxxie smiled. “Good.”

BANG!

———

They both walked out of the arena, and were surprised to see Blitzo standing with Loona, waiting for them.

Blitzo chuckled as he walked up to Moxxie. He offered a hand.

“What took you little rascals so long? I was nearly spotted inside the dumpster by the Free Nationals.”

Moxxie groaned as he took out his modified pistol, and slapped it onto Blitzo’s hand.

“What took so long is that your daughter was acting recklessly. She could have DIED, sir.”

Blitzo turned to Loona. She shrugged, while Blitzo chuckled.

“Well, sixth time for everything.”

———

The four sat together on the table. Loona was scrolling through her phone, Millie was humming happily as she sharpened her axe, Moxxie was toying with the forcefield gun by throwing a bullet up in the air, catching it with the magnetic field, launching it back up, and the cycle repeats.

Blitzo stood there in silence in front of the whiteboard.

Then, he started beatboxing.

Pssh. Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. Pssh, pshpshpshpsh. 

Millie began slapping her hip to the beat.

Pssh. *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh.   
Pssh. *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh. 

Loona began snapping. She was still fixated on her phone.

Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.

Moxxie looked around the room and chuckled. Everybody stopped to turn to the weapons specialist. They all smiled as they awaited his contribution.

He ducked under the table and grabbed something. Moxxie sat back up and had his guitar in his hands. He began strumming the instrument.

They all continued with full enthusiasm. 

Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.  
Pssh. *snap* *slap* Pssh, pshpshpshpsh *snap*.

Moxxie began singing.

https://youtu.be/5SKpOW_o8Do

“Time never cares, if you're there or not there  
All you ever needed was a simple plan  
But you're doing well, I mean you're not dead  
So let's celebrate while we still can”

Millie looked to her husband and shared a smile with him.

“I know what they say, I can give or care  
They talk so much on me, I must be doing something right  
I saw my son today, in the likeness of a full grown man  
So I'll celebrate while I still can”

Millie joined in and backed him with her own vocals.

“Ooooh, On a clear day you can see west LA  
Even downtowwwwnn”

Moxxie stood up and began strumming the shit out his guitar, catching laughter from Blitzo and Loona. His vocals were projected at 110% volume.

“I REMEMBER WHEN I COULDN’T SEE THE POINT OF STOPPING AT THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ HOUSE”

Millie continued with her part.

“Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go  
Let it go, let it go, let it go”

Then they all sang in unison.

“I came to fix up the tree that's fallen to  
You came too far in this room”

Blitzo got another phone call. Everyone looked at him and raised eyebrows. He picked up the phone.

“aRe yOu cOmInG tOmOrRoW?”

Blitzo groaned. “Yes, goddamnit, I’ll be there, asshole.”

“gOoD.”

The voice hung up.

They all looked at each other, waiting for Blitzo to explain.

He chuckled. “I think that was potential spam.”

They all shrugged, knowing the explanation didn’t make sense, but they still continued playing.

And they did the song in its entirety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the corny ending. I was listening to this song the other day and I thought it was a very fun song to jam to. I thought it’d be comical to see the four replicate the song out of nowhere.
> 
> Anyways, next chapter will probably take longer. It’s a double date in Pentagram City!


	8. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car ain't got no roof  
> Car ain't got no roof  
> We be in the city (in the city)  
> All my bitches with it eyyyyyy!!!
> 
> Blitzo encounters the mysterious voice and fucking dies. Mans gets shot, strangled, you name it. No more Blitzo. Meanwhile, the rest go eat somewhere nice. “Hopefully Loona can behave herself for tonight’s function” -probably Moxxie

Moxxie scratched the side of his nose as he kept the wheel steady.

The entire group was arriving in Pentagram City inside a red minivan. Moxxie and Millie’s red minivan. What’s funny is that Moxxie and Millie really wanted a convertible, but after Blitzo twisted Moxxie’s arm, and after Millie joined in on the torment, Moxxie had no choice but to settle for the large car. Not often do they even use it as a group, but Millie still felt the need to paint large I.M.P letters on the sides. 

Loona and Blitzo were sitting in the backseat, looking at each other in disapproval. After a little discussion amongst themselves, Loona took out her phone and activated the bluetooth. 

The silence was broken by the disruptive and distorted synths on the radio, which Loona had control of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvNLFpwAdBc

Moxxie jumped at the sudden noise, but once he realized what he was listening to, he grinned and glanced at the rearview mirror. 

“Bravo, you took up our recommendation?” 

Loona nodded with a smirk.

“Headless  
I skid like Rita lifted ocean  
I drift like my planet don't spin  
I skid all over marks like I'm haunted  
Rev it up, twirl my la-la like profits”

Millie raised the air conditioning. For some odd reason, the dumpster fires that they were driving past had grown intense compared to the last time they arrived. Blitzo lovingly stared out the window and was astounded by the sight of the homeless.

“Sir, I hope I don’t trouble you by asking, but what is this ‘appointment’ of yours, and why is it so urgent?”

Blitzo removed his face from the window and turned to the driver’s seat. 

“Oh, that? Pssh, it’s nothing. Nothing too batshit insane.”

Moxxie stroked his chin. The imp was once again a clean-shaven man, due to the demands of his wife. As much as Millie enjoyed seeing her husband try new things, the stubble beard was a mere presage to her. She did not understand why, but she had a bad feeling about the way Moxxie would turn out over the next few weeks.

“So it’s not...nothing?”

Blitzo stuttered. “W-Well it’s not nothing, yes, but it’s nothing too crazy. Not crazy enough for you to worry.”

Moxxie interrogated his boss further.

“So this nothing...is not nothing. It’s something that isn’t too crazy, but it is crazy?”

Millie chimed in as she put her hand on his shoulder.

“No, sweetie. It’s something. That something ain’t nothing, but it ain’t too much of a something that’d be something too crazy. It’s just nothing too crazy.”

Loona looked around with an annoyingly confused expression.

Moxxie thought to himself again.

“But see, if he’s doing something that isn’t nothing, and that something is nothing too crazy, wouldn’t you be worried that this something is crazy, just not to an extent where that would be something too crazy? Because he did say this something was nothing too crazy.”

Millie chuckled.

“I mean, that something is something that we’ve all done before, and if this something is nothing too crazy, then this something will be nothing we will have to worry abo--”

Loona put her hands to his ears and pointed her snout upward. She’s had enough.

“OH MY CHRIST, CAN EVERYBODY JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!?”

Everybody was silent.

Blitzo cleared his throat and turned to a pissed off Loona.

“Now Loona, that’s no way to behave around here. We’re going to Pentagram City. Least you can do is act like you’ve been there before.”

Loona groaned and pointed to the front view.

“We’re not even fifteen fucking minutes within the shits” she said silently.

Blitzo snickered. “I know, Loonie, but it doesn’t hurt to rev up that engine. Say, where are you crazy kids going for tonight?”

Moxxie turned his head slightly. “We have a dinner reservation at 8PM. Beelze-Bistro. Do not barge in this time, please.”

Blitzo’s lips puckered and his head nodded. “Goddamn, that’s one hell of a reservation. How long did you guys have to wait?”

Loona scratched her head. “The morning after the casino.”

The boss turned to his hound in confusion. “Huh!?”

Millie turned to the back. “Well it’s a funny story, sir…”

Loona scoffed. “They wanted to repay me for giving them back their $8,000 prize—“

“$18,000.”

She nearly choked on her own spit. “W-WHAT!? THAT WAS $18,000?”

Millie nodded.

The hound turned to the window with her fist below her chin.

“Godfuckingdamnit. I’ll need a lot more than dinner for us to get even.”

Moxxie and Millie looked at each other. They had a hard time thinking how else they can repay the debt.

————

Moxxie pulled up to a desolate area in the plainfields south of the city. Blitzo hopped out of the mini-van and walked up to the driver’s side. The window rolled down as Moxxie stared at the boss with sincerity.

“Okay, sir, this place is not too far from where we are going. Just make your way back downtown and we will meet you there. Be safe.”

Blitzo nodded. He was about to turn back around, but Moxxie tapped the side of the door to catch his attention.

The employee opened the car console and grabbed a pistol out of it. He handed it to his boss and raised his eyebrow.

“I’m serious. Dead. Serious.”

All Blitzo could do was gulp.

“Okay, have fun!”

Moxxie slammed the gas pedal and drove off in a hurry. The driver pumped his fist in the air.

“Yes! No Blitzo for the night, no problem! Right, sweetie?”

Millie groaned and put her hand to her chin.

“Why do you hate him so much, Moxxie? Remember back when ya’ had nothin’? That man is our boss, yet he’s done so much good for both of us, and for the company. Least we can do is show him some respect.”

Moxxie looked back at the front view. He clearly had no idea how to respond to the peeved Millie.

Loona chuckled.

“Smooth move, fuckboy.”

Moxxie turned to the hound and swung his fist around.

“YOU CUT THAT OUT! STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

————

Blitzo walked up to the peak of a small cliff in the plainfields. He held his hand above his eyes and examined the region. Nobody appears to be around yet.

He groaned. He knew that he should of stayed at home, or better yet, crash the reservation and surprise the rest of his co-workers.

The boss took out his phone and examined his home screen.

Nothing.

Out of nowhere, he was ambushed and tackled down to the bottom by a mysterious figure.

Blitzo gasped as he lost air in his lungs from the 9 ft. landing. He pulled out his pistol and flashed it in front of the person’s face.

“Woah woah woah woah! Calm down there, bro!” 

A feminine slim imp with a sleeveless striped top and large horns surprised Blitzo. The voice was a female duplicate of Blitzo’s, only with a higher pitch. Instantly, he recognized her.

“...Barbie?”

It was Barbie Wire. Blitzo’s twin sister.

She laughed nervously and patted him on the shoulder.

“It’s great to see you again, Blitz-o.”

He sighed.

“Call me Blitz.”

She nodded with a smile. “Ok Blitzo (“o” is silent this time).”

————

The three walked out. Moxxie had his typical work attire this time, Millie had a slit black dress and pearls, while Loona had a red spiked jacket and long black spiked boots. 

Moxxie walked up to the “valet” and threw his keys at him.

“You know what to do.”

Unbeknownst to Moxxie, there weren’t any valets in Hell, contrary to what television shows.

…

“WAIT A MINUTE.”

Moxxie lunged at the random demon in the black tuxedo and took him down. They wrestled for the keys before Moxxie whipped out his pistol and shot the man’s brains out.

He panted heavily and retrieved the keys. Then, he turned to the minivan, which was parked on the side of the parking garage.

The imp shrugged. “What’s the worst they can do?

They all entered inside. The big letters BEELZE-BISTRO loomed over a black awning. The exterior was light brown brick combined with thick black window frames. 

Once they entered, they looked around in awe. Crystal chandeliers, burgundy carpets, marble floors, silk white table cloth, and the most comfortable black armchairs money can buy.

Moxxie couldn’t help but shed a tear. He lived for this kind of stuff.

The white haired waitress approached them. She had a gold earring, a white buttoned down shirt, and a black tie. It appears she was occupied with a notebook in her hands.

“Hello there, you have a reservation?”

He nodded as he tried to keep his posture. “Moxxie, party of four.”

She looked up from the notebook.

“And will the fourth one join us later tonight?”

Loona stood next to Moxxie and spoke up. “Eeeeyup.”

————

“Beer?”

Barbie offered Blitzo a can from the cooler she took with her. Apparently she wasn’t parked too far. The boss took up her offer and examined the can.

“You know how to open it, right?”

Blitzo smirked and opened the can. He poured a large stream into his mouth and took it like it was nothing.

He shot her a sarcastic look. “Erm...I think so.”

Barbie laughed as she opened her can and took a sip. Once her thirst was quenched, she looked back at her brother with dozens of questions on her mind.

“Say, how’s the high life?”

Blitzo turned to her and groaned. Just like Tilla, she went straight to reminding the imp of his shattered dreams. However, he had a good feeling it was unintentional this time, so he did not want to be an asshole about it.

“Shits not panning out. That’s all you need to know.”

She swirled her can around and gazed into the stars. “Yeah, I see what you mean. I don’t even wanna talk about how shitty it’s been without you around.”

“Heh, I doubt it.”

Barbie sighed. “Ever since you dipped, Pops has been hard on me recently. I guess it’s cuz he only has one person to take his anger out on. It’s tough. Tilla’s no different.”

Blitzo snickered. “Oh man, I saw that bitch last week. Tough shit. She’s got a gold thumb up her ass.”

“Yeeeaaaah. For circus business, she takes things way too seriously, and it really pisses me off.”

The boss took a rock from the ground and threw it across the field. A sloppy throw that barely went anywhere. It didn’t even leave the peak.

Barbie sputtered. “Wow, you really haven’t changed a bit, bro.”

Blitzo looked down and playfully scowled at her. “Oh, get off my back, will ya’!?”

She laughed. Shortly after, she picked up a rock of her own, put her drink down, and launched a bullet that made its way out of the peak far before it reached the peak height.

The sister sat back down and took a sip of her beer. “I really wish I can leave just like you did. Even if it was going as bad as you say, being unsuccessful and independent is far better than eating caviar from a golden plate and being slaved away inside a shitty tent for the rest of your days. I just wish there was a way I can compromise and have both good qualities. That success, a-and independence, you know what I mean?”

He nodded. “Defo.”

They stared into the distance. The skyline was fairly large, and the cars were loud. However, the sky stretched all around, and that’s really all they cared about.

“Damn Blitzo, you used to be so talkative.”

He turned to her. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You wouldn’t stop clamoring about your plans once you left that shithole. All that money, clothes, and hoes---”

He put his hand up. “Let me stop you right there for a sec, Barbs. I’ve been getting uhh...experimental lately.”

Her head tilted. “Hmm?”

“You know,...improper.”

She chuckled. “You’re losing me, man.”

He took a deep breath and let it all out in a loud and fast voice. “I’m gay, alright!?”  
Barbie’s eyes widened. She didn’t know what to say. “O-Oh. Damn.”

“Yeah, and it was a complete fucking accident. I tried to seduce this feathered fuck who was so obviously stuck in this closet. You might know him. His name is Stolas, and he is the prince of--”

She jumped up from the grass. “Stolas!? That fucking guy?” She laughed hysterically. “Oohhhhhh man! My bro is getting some of that royalty, haha!”

Then she paused once she looked at Blitzo again. His expression was disapproving. Barbie put her arms down.

“Not even close. It’s a business relationship. All I did was try to get him to lend me the book, but I took matters into my own hands. I never meant to sleep with the guy.”

She put her finger on her mouth. “Oh, I see. Has there been anyone else?”

Blitzo thought to himself and shuddered. 

========  
FLASHBACK

*yawn* Blitzo raised himself up. 

The lamp turned on. Blitzo was caught by surprise once he found out he was right in between a certain couple in bed. And the worst part? None of them had clothes on.

“W-W-WHAAAT!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” 

Millie giggled, as Moxxie threw the pillow from a fleeing Blitzo.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU GODDAMN PERVERT!”

“Sorrrryyyy!” Blitzo shut the door behind him.

Moxxie sighed, but started whining once he felt a great pain. He turned to Millie, who looked at him idly.

“W-W-Why does my ass hurt?”

========

Blitzo finally came back to reality and turned to Barbie. “Well that’s irrelevant.”

She chuckled. “Alright then. Man, I’m very sorry if I offended you or anything. It’s just that...I am not used to talking to an...experimental person.” Blitzo scoffed.   
————

Millie looked around and tapped her fingers. She was starting to get bored of it all pretty fast, contrary to her husband, who felt like he was at Disneyland.

She turned to Loona, who posed with a glass full of wine next to her cheek. The hound stuck her tongue out and snapped the photo.

“Um, when is your friend coming?”

Loona groaned. “I don’t know, but I seriously hope she fucking speeds it up. I can only drink so much wine before it starts.”

Moxxie stopped savoring the view around the restaurant like a little child and turned to the hound. 

“Before what starts?”

The waitress arrived at the table. “So, ladies and gentlemen, have we settled on something to drin--”

Loona spoke up as she continued tapping on her phone. “Mad Dog, in the size of a 1 liter bottle.”

The waitress laughed nervously. “M’am, I don’t believe that is how it wo--”

Moxxie groaned and took out a hundred dollar bill from his pocket. He waved it to the waitress. “Give the dog what she wants. She is the reason why we are here today.”

Loona grinned. “Why thank you, Moxxie.” She looked back up at the waitress. “And I better get it too.”

The poor woman shrugged. “Okay then. What about the LADY from the table?”

The hound ignored her late jab, as Millie thought to herself just what she wanted. She knew for a fact that this selection would usually give Moxxie a heart attack, but they also had $18,000 to blow, so she wanted to see if he was still going to be conservative on the purchase.

“Hmmm...how about a bottle of Chateau Pontet-Canet? Oldest one ya’ got.”

Moxxie turned very fast to his wife. Millie thought she was in for it, but he started chuckling. He looked up at the waitress.

“Can’t you believe it? I was fortunate enough to marry a woman with taste!”

The couple laughed, while the waitress couldn’t help but break a smile. 

“So I assume that’s i--”

“Beringer Pinot Noir. I want this bottle to be older than my grandma.”

The waitress nodded. “Alright. You three sure are an interesting bunch. I’ll be back with your drinks!” 

As she left, Moxxie turned to her. “Hey, thanks a lot! We really appreciate it!”

Then the imp looked back at Loona.

“I feel like perhaps we made it too hard for her?”

The hound couldn’t care less. “Meh.”

Then another hound stood over Loona and smothered her face with her meaty arms.

“Meh yourself, cabrona (fucker)!”

Moxxie groaned while Millie looked utterly confused by her husband’s reaction.

Loona broke off the hold and jumped out of her seat. “Shraps!” The two hellhounds embraced as Shrapnel patted the other’s back.

Moxxie cleared his throat and held up his watch. “You’re late.”

Shrapnel chuckled as she scratched her head. “My bad. I took the subway. Sorry I couldn’t make it for the ride.”

Loona turned to her friend as they both sat down. “You know, you shower longer than when snails fuck.”

Millie couldn’t help but sputter and laugh at the comment.

The hounds paused and looked at Millie funny.

She coughed and straightened herself out. “Sorry. I’m Millie.” 

Shrapnel smiled. “Well, is this the Millie that this little guy was talkin’ about? Damn, she is a fucking chula (hottie).”

Moxxie raised from his seat and pounded his fist on the table, catching the attention of a few tables nearby. His high pitched voice filled the air. “What did you just say!?”

Shrapnel’s hands were up. “Woah woah woah! That’s nothing disrespectful, man. 

Loona picked at her teeth. “Relax, fuckboy. She’s saying your wife is beautiful.”

Millie gasped quietly and smirked. Her face flushed with even more redness, as she put her hand below her lip. “Oh! Heh, thank you. I think you’re darn’ gorgeous too.”

Moxxie felt embarrassed, and sat himself back down with wide eyes and an idle expression. He facepalmed. “I’m very sorry about that…”

Shrapnel laughed. “Hah, don’t worry about it. You tried picking up chiefing?”

He shook his head.

Shrapnel clicked her tongue. “Well luckily this joint has a little smoking room. Wanna give some of this weed a try?”

Moxxie was surprised by the offer. He was a self-made man who honored his integrity and his intelligence. “Ummm, I don’t think that will be necess—“

Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

It was Millie. Her eyes were dead serious, and she was not having it. “Hun, you’ve done so much for me and you have been so responsible ever since we met. But I’m suggesting to you as yer’ wife that you should take the edge off.”

The husband gulped, then shot her a smile. This was technically the first time Moxxie would ever willingly try drugs.

“Okay...I’ll give it a try.”

Shrapnel clapped her hands together. “Alriiiight, we’ll do it later. So, how long you two cuties known each other?”

Moxxie and Millie looked at each other. They turned to Shrapnel. “Four years.”

Shrapnel’s lips widened. She tried to give them an impression that she was impressed.

“Me and Loona have known each other since we were kids. Of course, we got separated, but the love’s been there ever since, ya know?”

Loona rolled her eyes and smiled.

Moxxie nodded. “Interesting, and how come we haven’t heard of you until now?”

Before Shrapnel could answer, Loona did the honors. “Because I have a private life that I keep to myself, jackass.”

The imp clicked his tongue. “Tssk tssk. You know what is private? My avocado salad, you piggly wiggly mutt.

Loona growled, as Shrapnel and Millie held their own partners back from each other.

The two looked at each other and shared a nervous chuckle. Millie was still flushing from Shrapnel’s earlier compliment.

————

Barbie crushed the can with her own head and threw it to the side. She was enjoying the conversation with her brother thus far, but it did not seem to be anything she expected. As for Blitzo, he was happy to reconnect with the only person he felt knew him best, but the day has been bittersweet between them thus far. The energy they both shared in their younger years appeared to have dissipated, as if the tides of time have washed it away.

“I’m scared, dude.”

Blitzo turned to Barbie. “Wussat?”

Barbie sat down and put her arms around her legs. “I’m just...scared as to what I should do to get out of that fucking circus. I’ve had enough of it. How did you get out? Pops never told me.

Blitzo hummed to himself as he continued drinking. “I was thin enough to fit through the bars of a cage with a demon lion. Shit was crazy. If I didn’t have a T-Bone steak with me that night, I would have been mincemeat.”

The answer blew Barbie away. She slapped herself on the forehead. “Absolute genius! Why didn’t I think of that!?”

The boss shrugged as he took more sips. Once he finished, he took a stick from the floor and held it up for her to see.

“I can’t tell you how to get out. I can only tell you how to survive once you leave. You see this stick? This is you if you escape. You’re out here, walking on red pastures and brimstone. Living your best life, right?” Barbie gave a slight nod as she continued providing her brother some attention. “These hands are risks. The beauty of risks is that you need to balance it out and give yourself just enough to continue.” He began bending the stick slightly. “But if you put all of it on the line…” 

He broke the stick and threw both pieces backwards.

“The point is, you should ponder less about how you're going to escape, and more about how you’re going to live. You feel me? It’s very easy to leave the location. It’s a lot more difficult to figure out what to do once you’ve left the area. But whatever you do, don’t ask for it all at once.”

He looked back into the distance as Barbie smiled and gave him a hug, catching him by surprise.

“Thank you…”

Blitzo looked down at her and patted her head.

“Yeah. Don’t scare me with those calls like that again.”

She let go and looked at him with a defensive smile. 

“Heeeey, aren’t you a fan of cryptic bullshit?”

“Well yeah, but not when you sound like Liam Neeson.”

They both stood up and walked back with Barbie pulling the handle of the cooler.

“Who’s that?”

“Some old fart who does movies in the living world. Cool voice though.”

“Oh. Do you think you can take me to the living world someday?”

Blitzo didn’t know what to say. “Eeeehhhh...maybe one day.”  
————

Moxxie took a hit of the blunt. Once he blew the smoke, he coughed violently as his eyes turned red.

Shrapnel supported the imp with a few pats as he got the smoke out of his system.

“There there. You like that shit?”

He shook his head.

“I feel...wow.”

The hound snickered as she took a hit herself and blew it with no trouble.

“Hey, does Loona talk about me often!?”

Moxxie turned to Shrapnel and giggled like a baby.

“She likes you, a looooot.”

The hound shrugged. “Eh, I know that. We kissed before.” That’s when Moxxie coughed once more. He was in the middle of another hit.

“Wait what?”

Shrapnel took another hit. “You heard me, papi.” Moxxie took a little while to process her words, and once it came to him, he jumped high in the air. 

“Ohhhhhhhh shit! Ohhhh shit! Loona is gay?”

The other smokers looked at Moxxie, who nervously tugged on his collar and held his hand up. “Yeaaaaah, sorry guyssss.”

Shrapnel facepalmed. “Motherfucker, do you have an inside voice?”

————

An hour later, the four finished their entrees with ease. Moxxie tapped his belly and received laughter from Millie, who was absolutely wasted from the bottle. It was already emptied.

And so was Moxxie’s. Being high and being drunk was a combination that the imp never thought he’d ever face.

They groped each other as the couple began tongue-kissing. The table behind them was so disgusted, they asked a nearby waiter if they could move.

Loona and Shrapnel looked at each other. Their faces were completely flushed as well. The red-eyed hound was the first to break the silence.

“Oh my fucking God, I think I’m gonna pop…”

Shrapnel chuckled. “Same here...let’s get out of here.”

The hound turned to Moxxie and wanted to know one crucial thing.

“You gonna ask for that bill, homie?”

The imp was too busy savoring the taste of his wife’s mouth that he didn’t listen at all.

Loona groaned, and tugged the arm of the waitress, who was just walking by. 

“We’ll take the check.”

The waitress nodded and went to go get it.

After a little more silence, Shrapnel shot Millie a stare. Loona thought it was creepy and just had to intervene.

“Um, just what the fuck are you doing?”

The blue-eyed hound smirked.

“Enjoying the view.”

————

The van was now being driven by Loona, who did not have too much to drink. Shrapnel was sitting beside her.

Moxxie and Millie were just...well...laying on the backseats, continuing their makeout session.

Millie finally got off of Moxxie and rubbed their noses together.

“Oh, Mox…You’re so much man to handle…” She made him moan as she latched onto his upper hip.”

“Mille...come to me…”

She bit into his neck as they both proceeded to moan with lust. “Y-yeah?”

Moxxie looked down into her eyes.

“We’re finally going to make it happen. You and me. Baby.”

She giggled. “Moxxxx, you know I love it when you call me ba—“

He stopped her with a smirk. “I wasn’t talking about you…”

They paused.

Then they began smashing their faces together and smothered each other with their love.

Loona couldn’t help but gag a little once she saw them get very excited over the idea of making a little one. Shrapnel looked back at the backseat.

“Hmm...they’re so goddamn cute, aren’t they? You wanna get a piece of that action?”

The driver turned to her. She was in hysterics.

“WHAT!?”

Shrapnel shrugged and appeared desperate to plead her case. “You know! Just have a full-blown sesh with them? Maybe a little playtime with that muchacha (woman)? Because to be perfectly honest with you, I’d tickle Millie’s snatchbox with my tongue, hehe.”

Loona shook her head. “No way. That is sus as hell.”

The blue-eyed hound froze and did a double take.

“D-D-Did you just—“

Without even knowing about the fact that she just severely offended her friend, she took it as a joke. “Yep. Low key sus.”

Shrapnel sputtered. 

“Don’t you remember the casino, pendeja (dumbass)?”

Loona raised her eyebrows. She had a hard time remembering. “No, I don’t recall that night…Hey, there’s Blitz—“

“Pull the car over.”

Now the driver was very confused. They saw Blitzo right there by the entrance ramp to the southbound freeway. She had no idea why Shrapnel was being very serious about this.

But she did pull the car over, like she was eventually going to do within seconds.

Shrapnel got out of the mini-van and looked back at Loona. “You get out too.”

The hound shrugged and unlocked the door. She unstrapped her belt and hopped out. Blitzo was standing right to her left, getting ready to enter the mini-van.

“Hey, Loonie! Good news, I met your aun—“

That’s when Shrapnel arrived to the left side of the vehicle. She walked up to Loona as they shared a stare between each other. Shrapnel looked pissed off, while Loona was just flat out confused.

Then Shrapnel went up to her face and kissed her mouth to mouth, with Blitzo right there with his jaw dropped onto the floor.

“Oh...what the fuuuuuuuck???”


	9. Rolling Papers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang wake up to a big surprise.
> 
> Moxxie starts picking up a certain “habit” in the workplace.
> 
> Are we even sure my sanity is still intact whilst writing this?

Moxxie was the first to wake up.

He sat upright and felt a pool of sweat. He was laying in his own bed, along with Millie. Once he realized that both of them had nothing on, it was clear that something had went down.

The imp smiled. He looked up at the ceiling fan and stretched his limbs, cracking a bunch of his joints to his satisfaction.

But shortly after bending his back a little, he felt a burning pain from his bottom. An unusual pain.

Then out of nowhere, Stolas rose from the bedside and looked down at the imp.

“Good morning, sunshine!”

Moxxie’s eyes widened, and he didn’t dare to gasp...until his eyes lowered.

Big mistake.

Because he saw Stolas’ naked body along with his dick. And behind him? A naked Blitzo, curled up into a ball laid on an inflatable mattress.

That was enough to wake up the rest of the room.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”

Millie jumped up, and had exposed her chest to Moxxie.

Then from the other side, Loona and Shrapnel sat up. 

And neither of them appeared to be wearing any tops.

Millie looked around and scratched her head, while Moxxie only screamed louder once he detected the two hounds.

There were six people in his bedroom.

Their bedroom.

Now he knows where the pain came from.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE!?!?”

Blitzo groaned as he got up last.

“Ugh...what’s with all the commotio—-“

The imp rubbed his eyes, and the first person he happened to see was Loona, who was covering her breasts. She saw him as well, and they both shrieked.

“LOONA!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

The hound ducked down a little so he couldn’t see her chest and pointed at the imp. “I CAN FUCKING SAY THE SAME FOR YOU, WEIRDO!”

Moxxie groaned and put his hands out to halt the two from annoying him any further. “Stop, stop. I’m pretty sure we all know how last night ended. Loona, you were sober leading up to the end of the night, correct?”

They all turned to the hound, who stammered. “I-I-I was blackout drunk once we got here!’

Millie laid back and started wincing at the pain. “Aww...I feel really--wait, what’s this?”

He scooted over to Moxxie and showed him the bites around her shoulder.

Shrapnel got off the floor with the blanket wrapped around her body and chuckled. “Heh, I think that was me. And you got me these…” The hound turned around and showed Millie her own back, covered in claw scratches and bites. 

Millie put her hand over her mouth and was taken aback by her implied aggression. Moxxie had to sigh. 

“I didn’t get any of those…”

Stolas peaked from the bedside again and spooked the imp once more, causing him to shriek momentarily. “You got some alright, little one.”

Moxxie stared at the bird in confusion, but once he privately raised the bedsheets and looked down, he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.

“W-W-Wuhhhh?”

It was safe to say everybody was not safe from last night’s antics. He took another good luck around the room, as some people smirked at him, and some people awaited the news idly. 

He turned to Millie.

“I should have locked the door.”

\---------

The four sat around the table, still groaning from the unidentifiable pain around their bodies. Loona looked up at Blitzo and shook her head.

“I’m pretty sure Shraps told me that you and me didn’t---”

Blitzo gasped swiftly and put his finger to her mouth, annoying her. “Mmmmmm, best not to acknowledge it, or even investigate it. Let’s just put it all behind us.”

Loona nodded hesitantly. 

Moxxie got off his chair and began walking out with a limp. Blitzo turned to watch the employee struggle to make his way out of the room without walking straight. He found amusement in it.

“Oh man, did me and Stolas go a little too hard on you?”

The limp imp shook his head. “It wasn’t just you two...and you’re not feeling that aching pain from just Stolas…”

Blitzo looked around the room. He spotted Loona first, but she merely shrugged at the suggestion. Then he turned to Millie, who sat there with the most smug expression on her face as she rested her head on her two hands, facing opposite of each other. Her tail waved side to side. 

“Oh my god…” 

Meanwhile, Moxxie arrived at the bathroom. He looked down at the toilet and lowered the seat. He sat himself down and took out something from his pocket. After that, he took out something else in his other pocket.

Rolling papers and weed.

He stuffed the bud inside, rolled it carefully, and proceeded to light it up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQCrCSmqIH0

The imp took a puff. The world around him was shifting at a faster rate, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. Moxxie slowly raised himself from the seat and proceeded to move fluidly around the bathroom, twirling and punching the air. He was enjoying the vividness of everything, and he couldn’t stop laughing. 

\--------

“Alright fellow employees (and Loona), are we ready to go?”  
Millie and Loona nodded as they stared down at the portal with guns and blades in each of their hands. Moxxie was laying on the floor of the ritual room, instead delving his eyes towards the ceiling. 

The boss was visibly annoyed by this, and kicked Moxxie lightly on his shoulder. “Hey buddy, you alright? We’re gonna need you back here with us.” The imp rolled over and began shaking his head side to side, as if he was listening to another one of his own melodies.

“Moxxie...get the fuck up.”

Nothing came from the other end. It was clear that the imp was being incompetent.

Loona suddenly raised her pistol and shot just right above Moxxie’s head, trying to get him to react.

Nothing.

Then he rose up in delayed horror. However, all he did was raise his eyes and moan quietly from the ringing of his ears.

This pissed off Millie, who came over and slapped the gun out of her hands and got in her face. The two were face to face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!? You tryna’ kill him!?” The imp shoved the hound and walked over to her husband. 

“Moxxie, are you okay baby?”

He giggled as she swirled his side with her foot, trying to ‘wake him up’. 

“Anybody have a taco?”

———

The four hopped out of the portal and entered a forest at night. They examined the area as Blitzo took out a flashlight.

“I’m getting spooky sexy vampire vibes here...Maybe I’ll get a fourth hickey today.”

Millie raised her finger. “It’s five, sir.”

He groaned. “Yeah yeah, we’re impressed you tore up my ass.”

Loona shuddered from the comment, and turned to Moxxie, whose eyelids were dropped halfway down his eyes. He had a hard time keeping focus.

“Shraps fucking told me you were the second one to do me aside from her. Did you raw dog it?”

Moxxie scratched his head, trying to regain his train of thought under all the influence. He laughed uncontrollably at a pretty low volume, and looked up at the hound.

“I think I used rubbers for anybody outside of Millie, heh heh.”

Loona directed her head back forward. “Oh, good. For a fat second I thought I transmitted my syphilis onto your tiny imp dick.”

“Huh. Tiny?”

“Yep.”

==========  
FLASHBACK

“OH FUCK!!! WHY ARE YOU SO GODDAMN BIG!?”

Moxxie drunkenly tried to plank himself on top of the hound as they wrestled on the floor while Shrapnel and Millie grinded each other in the scissoring position on the bed. Blitzo and Stolas were already getting into fellatio. He still had the bottle from the restaurant in his hand, and Loona was in the mood to finally take on Moxxie.

“You’re gonna *hic* take it all...you fucking dog…”

He angrily began thrusting, as Loona screamed-moaned with every pump.

“AH! THIS IS—AH—WHAT AN IMP DICK FEELS LIKE!? FUCK ME WITH THAT HEALTHY WANG OF YOURS!”

“F-Fuck yes…”

=======

Loona’s eye began twitching as she recalled last night’s events. Thankfully, Moxxie was not completely back to reality, so she just looked away and refused to comment any further on the matter.

The imp scratched his head as he went back to Millie, who was slightly annoyed after eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Did I put a bab—“

Millie shook her head.

“Oh. Are you still consi—“

Millie stopped him there. “We were drunk as heck, Mox. We already settled this.”

He looked down.

Blitzo held his fist up and caused the rest of the team to stop dead in their tracks.

“Do you guys smell that?”

He rushed inside one of the gaps and took a short route to the left. Everybody followed. Once they made their way through the trees and everything else, they were shocked to find the decomposing body of a 23 year old male with a brown top, black jeans, and a hipster beard with a long comb over.

Moxxie and Millie both yelled in unison, with the former laughing whilst saying it, and the latter sounding genuinely concerned. “What the fuck!?”

Blitzo reached for his pocket and took out a folded paper.

Armando Juarez. Targeted due to cheating on the female client. An overlord in the east hills of Hell.

Loona shrugged. “So I’m guessing the job is done? We bag this disgusting ass body and just send it over?”

Blitzo shook his head. “No. No no, it can’t be this simple.”

His phone rang. Everybody turned to the boss as his pupils dilated. He slowly reached for the phone and picked it up.

“Blitzo here…”

A familiar voice was on the other line. “Oh, Blitzo Blitzo Blitzo. I told you what’d happen if you didn’t get the job done first. MY JOB. Sorry, baby. Can’t be waiting around any longer. Here’s a fine reminder for ya’.”

Valentino. Blitzo completely forgot about him.

Then Blitzo heard a snap. Another portal opened a couple of yards away from them. The team froze in fear as they awaited what was going to come out of the portal.

Millie took out her gigantic axe, Loona took out her pistol, Blitzo took the phone back in, cracked his knuckles and held his pocket knife out in immense fear, and Moxxie stood there empty-handed.

They heard something loud slithering down the portal.

They felt it get closer...


	10. The Swarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OH SHIT! Valentino is pissed, and he has sent a special surprise through a portal to attack the I.M.P! What’s on the other side? Goons? Hell Dragons? Hellcats? Hellboy? Hellraiser? 
> 
> Probably not Hellraiser. Dude is a bonafide weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be unlike any other. For the most part, it is a whole action sequence and little dialogue, so if you like characters talking, this chapter probably isn’t for you!
> 
> In a way, this is inspired by Hacker by Death Grips. I suggest listening to it during the chapter. Link will be provided for your convenience within the story :)

The portal continued swirling and swirling. After everybody else had taken out their weapons, Moxxie groaned and took the cutlass out of his holster. He was slipping away from the high that he had in the bathroom, but it was starting to become an annoyance for him as Moxxie’s mental state was in the middle ground.

“What the duckity fuck does Valentino have on the other side?” Blitzo exclaimed.

Loona stopped growling at the portal and turned to her owner. “Wait, did you just say Valentino?”

Before the boss can explain himself, something circular, large, red, and slimy came out of the portal. It lunged right at the entire crew, and managed to disperse itself in a violent explosion in front of them. The red splattered all over, and stained all of their clothes. Once they reopened their eyes, they were in complete shock.

Dozens of red slimy entities in the form of faceless imps had scattered all around them with identical appearances. Two long horns and an average sized body. They all stood there upright.

Then two blinding white circles formed within their faces. Millie took a step back, as her skin crawled from the sudden formation. Soon after, they all stuck their right arm out and formed a sharp pointy arm. And the last phase? They all hardened into smooth and soulless imp duplicates. Their arms now formed a sharp blade that could slice through just about any sentient being.

The team all shouted in unison.

“OH SHIT!” 

With swift thinking, Loona shot the pistol and pierced through the head of one unfortunate clone. The direct hit made it fall over and dissipate into the air. The rest of the clones stared down at the spot where the entity fell, then looked back at the I.M.P with no change of expression.

Blitzo paused. He tucked the pocket knife back inside and instead took out a submachine gun that was hidden inside his jacket.

“Let’s light these fucking dummies up.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoZgZT4DGSY

Millie ran towards the crowd and yelled out a high-pitched battle cry. She held her axe up, ready to slice through the rest of them. Moxxie instantly followed and held his cutlass close. He was groggy, but he was not going to let Millie risk her life alone.

They were going to war together. 

Millie jumped high and swung his axe right through the body of one clone, sending its gaseous remains all over the place. The rest of the clones rushed at her, with one of them slicing right into her side. The imp shrieked, and swung her axe to no avail, as the duplicates dodged the attack by taking a long leap back. 

Now Moxxie was wide awake. Bullets from Blitzo and Loona began hitting the clones one by one, but they were struggling to kill them.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!”

He rushed at max speed, and bulldozed through a few clones as Millie slowly got away to attend to her wound. Moxxie and the group fell over to the floor, causing the rest to dive right into the pile. They held Moxxie down, and some of them managed to poke a hole into various areas on his body. The imp was now choking on his blood as one managed to make a good stab into his abdomen. Bullets from the duo began flying as the rest of the group rushed over to assist.

Millie turned around to see what was going on, and once she saw what was happening, she screamed. 

“MOXXIE!!!” 

Blitzo grabbed Millie by the hand and dragged her with him. “We gotta get him RIGHT NOW!”

The boss held his submachine gun in one hand and began firing like crazy through the pile. He made sure not to hit Moxxie, who was all the way on the bottom. Loona tossed her pistol to the side and began crawling at high speed.

The hound hurried with all her might and got herself off the ground, diving through the pile and causing multiple clones to fall over. Loona began chomping away and dug through the insides of the clones. Moxxie was laying down there in rough shape, and he was coughing a little more blood before he tried to get himself off the ground. Another clone was already there to dispose of the imp, but before it could get the chance to stab through the imp’s head, Millie threw her axe right at the head of the entity and caused it to disappear into thin air. The axe dropped to the ground.

His wife rushed over, looking like she was about to cry. “Goddamnit, Moxxie! Don’t scare me like that!”

He raised himself up and brushed his jacket. “I’m fine, I’m fine. See? Now come on, we have to assist Loona!”

Millie picked her weapon off the ground and ran with Moxxie. Blitzo was following from behind, still shooting through the bodies of multiple entities but with little to no avail. The swarm was already picking on Loona one by one. She tried to get them to step back with the swing of her claws and the gnawing of her teeth, but a handful of them managed to pass through and leave cuts around her body. She kneeled down and howled in pain as a few of them took advantage of the situation and sliced through her back. Blitzo had enough. He aimed high and shot three of them through their heads. Moxxie and Millie were on the offense. They leaped together and sliced through one clone each on their landings.

The couple leaned on each other’s backs and held their weapons close as they both struggled to catch their breath. It was time to handle business together. 

One clone rushed at Moxxie. He acted fast and stabbed right into its head. Poof. Another clone rushed at Millie. She ducked from the swing of its arm and sliced high, cutting the body in half. Poof. More clones rushed as Moxxie swung his cutlass left to right, catching them either through their neck or through the head. More of them began disappearing as Millie followed with an intense kill count of her own. She swung in all kinds of directions, kicked one of the clones back and twirled to slice right through it. Poof. Blitzo continued shooting at the entities, often making inaccurate shots due to the natural properties of the gun. The gun clicked with nothing coming on the other side. The imp quickly reloaded the magazine and continued his shooting. Between all the chaos and war, Loona slowly crawled her way out of the scene, trying to stay alive. However, this proved to be difficult. They stabbed her in all kinds of places, and left her bleeding in multiple areas. Moxxie turned to the hound whilst making a couple stabs through each contributing member of the swarm. 

“Loona, our portal is still open in the back! Get back to Hell, we can’t have you die up here!”

The hound nodded, and crawled the other direction. With all her strength, she went from crawling to lifting herself up and limping her way through the woods. For a moment, Millie looked over her shoulder and saw Loona making her way out. For a good second, she was genuinely concerned for her fellow co-worker, who was bleeding everywhere, and although she had a momentary thought where she could escort her, she knew she had to stay behind and fend off the rest. She gathered herself again and focused on the clones. There were still plenty of them rushing at the couple. Nevertheless, the imp continued swinging her axe and twirling, moving in unconventional fight patterns that easily threw off the opposition. More and more clones were being poofed out of existence by the agility of Millie. She even hopped, did a corkscrew in mid air, and sliced through two clones at the same time once she reached them. Millie landed on her feet and continued her spree. Moxxie was utilizing parry technique and blocked off the pointy arms of multiple clones. He would parry then swung high as quick as he could. It proved itself effective, as the repetition of Moxxie flawlessly picked off each clone one by one. The couple were very efficient together. Blitzo continued to support them with bullets spraying and hitting the clones. However, he was thinking the process can be sped up with the last trick in his sleeve. The boss threw the submachine gun to the side and took something out of his pocket. A thermite grenade. The imp removed the pin and threw the explosive. It soared through the air and landed on a rushing group of clones. The grenade exploded and nearly obliterated everything that the explosion touched, including the floor. It left a crater right where the clones used to be.

The swarm was now cut to a third. Moxxie and Millie decided to get crafty in the last minutes of this fight.

Moxxie turned his head to Blitzo.

“Sir, I need you to get on my shoulders! Take the gun with you!”

The owner of I.M.P stood frozen. He had an internal conflict, contemplating whether or not this was the best idea they can come up with right now. 

“Mox, you sure you can carry me u--”

The short-tempered imp sliced through the head of one clone like butter and held his cutlass up to Blitzo’s direction..

“JUST FUCKING DO IT!”

“Fuck! Alright, let’s go!”

Blitzo picked the submachine gun off the floor and jogged over to Moxxie, who bent over and allowed Blitzo to get on his back and ride his shoulders. The smaller imp stood back up again and held his cutlass up. He had time to remain in battle stance while Millie continued her rampage behind him. The boss began shooting from above and was making it rain on the swarm. Every shot suddenly became a direct hit, as the high elevation allowed him to pierce through their heads by aiming from above. Many more clones began disappearing, as Millie cut into the last clone on her side. She stabbed it right into its chest and held the blade close. She got into hysterics and held the dying clone by its cheeks. Then it disappeared. In an instant, Millie went over to Moxxie’s side, but was quickly stopped by his arm. Blitzo was still shooting the clones, and he did not want her to accidentally take a bullet or two.

The gun continued firing for another seven seconds.

The last clone disappeared.

They were met with an eerie silence within the woods.

Moxxie and Millie dropped their weapons and fell over to the ground, along with Blitzo, who was still sitting on Moxxie’s shoulders. They were panting heavily as a result of the massacre, but soon after, the three began to chuckle.

“Heh...heh…”

“Heh heh heh.”

“Heeheehee.” 

The imps broke down in laughter. Blitzo was howling with laughter, Moxxie was guffawing, and Millie was cackling. 

They just survived a 4v72 fight. 

\------------

Loona shot herself in the ritual room, and fell over to the ground. She couldn’t wait to respawn into a much healthier body. Moxxie and Millie sat on the couch and held each other’s hand. They looked down in worry, wondering what Blitzo would say next. And speaking of the devil, he sat himself down next to Moxxie.

“Okay, you guys. Here’s the gist, we need to complete Valentino’s contract by the end of the day, or we are going to get fucked up like how we got fucked up just now. Now, I think we all should off ourselves to make sure we’re not sufferi--”

Moxxie interrupted. 

“Sir, I need you to tell me what the hell is going on. I mean, a-a-are you saying that we are being deliberately forced by our clients to finish their contracts earlier? T-T-This is just going to be our lives now!?”

No response.

Moxxie was shaking. He looked down at his hands. They were shaking as well, but they clenched once the imp recollected the horrifying image of Millie getting tossed around by the imp-sized clones.

He turned back to Blitzo and yelled. 

“I NEED SOME GODDAMN ANSWERS!”

Almost instantly, Millie held Moxxie’s hand once again and put her other hand on his wounded shoulder. 

“Calm down, Mox! Blitzo is our boss. He’s been our boss for a long freakin’ time, and he cares about us deeply! He will provide those answers to us right now! Right, sir?” She looked towards Blitzo. Moxxie calmed down a little and looked towards his boss, but was still serious.

Silence.

Blitzo sighed, stood back up, and walked out the doorway.

“We’re on the clock.”


	11. You Are Going to Live (VOL. 1 FINALE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of the first volume. Blitzo and Co. must handle another contract late in the game and succeed in ten minutes. It proves difficult when they find out who the target is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp! Finally finished with the first batch of chapters I intended to finish! I made sure this chapter was as emotionally driven as possible, so be warned!

Loona found herself reform by the parking lot. She stretched her arms as she yawned, and made her way back to the entrance. 

The hound was not too happy about having to stay behind and allow the imps to do the work. She was a machine, but she was getting worn out too easily early on in the fight, but that’s expected when your ways of killing are more physical than most. They had weapons. The many teeth she carried were the weapon, and if it works, it works. However, she felt she needed to be better, because if she couldn’t get on the level of any of the three imps, then she was doomed. Why was she contemplating this just now? Easy.

The thought of working alongside Shrapnel on her job motivated her to take killing seriously.

As she finished climbing the stairs and reached for the door, she sighed and proceeded to open it. 

In an unpleasant surprise, Moxxie was already waiting for her, and grabbed her by her choker. 

Loona snapped.

“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE D--” Moxxie pulled harder and threw a tantrum himself. “HURRY UP! WE NEED TO HAUL ASS AND FINISH ONE MORE CONTRACT!”

Loona’s scowl disappeared. She turned to Moxxie and looked at him blankly. “Wait, one more contract?” He groaned. “Yeah, I know. Nobody is happy about it, but we need to do what we must.” The hound facepalmed. “Fuck.” Moxxie replied, “Yes. Fuck, indeed.” 

Suddenly, Loona pumped the brakes and slipped out of Moxxie’s grip. He instantly noticed and turned over his shoulder. “What the--” Loona clenched her fists and raised her shoulders. She was embarrassed to even ask, but it was a chance that she had to take. “Promise me that after this contract, you’ll teach me combat weapons?”

He paused. It was too good to be true. Loona suddenly keeping an open mind and asking others to teach her the ways of killing? It was about time that she took responsibility, because they needed to be as efficient as possible, and they can’t do that if only three-fourths of the members are keen on meeting the deadline for all these contracts. They already had a third of them done, but they needed to excel and overcome everything else in order to do so. Basically, they have to be much better than they used to be, and this was groundbreaking development. 

Moxxie walked up to her and straightened himself up. The imp replied to her offer with the raise of his fist and held it in the air. Loona followed up his smirk with a hopeful smile of her own and proceeded to bump his fist. “Thanks a lot, dude. I really need this shit.” 

The imp fixed his jacket and turned around. “My pleasure. Now let’s close this one out.”

\--------

“I swear, Blitzo, if you keep wasting my fucking time instead of getting my goddamn contract done, I will--” Blitzo wagged his finger and held his phone closer to his ear. “I already have the portal open, Vale. Just give us ten more minutes and I’ll make sure it is done.”

Valentino groaned on the other line. He did not like it when it took this long for his contract to pick up. Usually he had priorities with his last hired hitmen, but most of them either died, raised their rates, or got run out of business. This was the only service he had that wasn’t a complete failure, although the I.M.P did have financial troubles. No matter, it was a ship for him to turn.

“Just finish the damn job. And hurry. No more chances after this. I’m setting the timer to ten minutes.” Blitzo spat out his coffee and sputtered. “W-W-Wait, you are actually going to ti--” 

The overlord nodded and chuckled. “Heh heh, yep. And you better let me know when the job is done AT THE MOMENT it is done. Here’s a room number once you arrive: 305. Got it?” The imp gulped and hung up the phone, but not before saying “Yeah sure sure, talk to you before ten minutes.” 

In an instant, he rushed out of his desk and left his office room. The boss nearly tripped on the carpet as he took a sharp left turn and ran through the corridor. Before he can continue past the midpoint, Millie rushed out of the ritual room. She looked determined, worried, and ready to alert the rest of the crew. Unfortunately, Blitzo was doing that as well, and he collided with her. 

“Oof!”

The two fell hard on the floor. Millie groaned and held her head. She was not feeling well after the hit. Not at all. The poor imp got her upper body up and looked dead in Blitzo’s eyes. “With all due respect, sir, why don’t you watch where you’re going? You could have easily made me break my le--”

And with all due respect, Blitzo got back on his feet quickly and continued running down the corridor, but Moxxie and Loona reached the floor already. The elevator dinged and opened. The boss stopped and threw his hands up in the air. “Where the fuck have you kids been? Come on, we gotta get our asses through that portal!” 

Moxxie looked to a grounded Millie and held his hands out. He wanted an explanation for why she was on the floor, but all she could do was shake her head and get herself back up. 

\--------

They jumped out of the portal. They found themselves in another empty hospital corridor. “Oh Jesus Harold Christ! Not again!” Blitzo was not pleased to be back in a familiar setting. Moxxie raised his finger and raised his eyebrow. “I don’t think we’ve been here bef--” He was abruptly shoved out of the way as Blitzo ran down the hall and turned his head left to right.

“Fuck! We’re in floor one! Come on, let’s take the stairs!”

The three quickly followed. Moxxie whipped out his cutlass, Millie whipped out her axe, and Loona whipped out her pistol for what could possibly be the last time as long as Moxxie follows through with his promise. They all hurried and sweated as they felt the time getting thinner. Blitzo turned to a wide doorway, where the stairs were located. They all followed and quickly rushed through. There was one civilian lighting up a cigarette as they scurried past him. Luckily, he did not care enough to look up, let alone rat them out. 

They went through two flights of stairs and saw the sign 200 FLOOR. They needed two more to reach their destination now. Sadly, Millie tripped on one of the steps and face planted to another step. Moxxie turned around and cursed under his breath as he attended his wife. She was bleeding badly. It was a perfect hit against her nose, and the faceplant nearly broke it. Blitzo and Loona couldn’t turn around. They could only continue upstairs as the others fell behind.

“Fuck! Are you okay, Mills!?” 

Moxxie was genuinely worried. With her teeth gritting, she shook her head and directed his attention to her leg. What he saw made him jerk his head to the left and throw up. He bent over to let it all out. 

Millie had an open fracture and her tibia bone ripped through the skin of her leg.

It was exposed, and she fought back tears as the severe pain shocked her body. Once Moxxie was done hurling, he wiped the vomit left around his mouth and lifted her up. He grabbed her body and put her over his shoulder. She began sobbing quietly as the bone poked his chest. The feeling of her tibia on his breast made Moxxie want to throw up again, but he swallowed it and made his way back downstairs. They had to run back to the portal.

Blitzo and Loona finally made their way to the 300 floor, and they observed the big blue sign in front of them. 300-320 on the left, 320-340 on the right. They took a left and ran down the hall. There was a T-intersection that once again divided the rooms. 300-310 on the left, and 310-320 on the right. They took another left and spotted the room. 305.

Loona cocked her gun and Blitzo had his pocket knife close to him. “Shit. Alright, let’s kill the target as soon as possible.”

She scoffed. “Do you even know what the fuck this target looks like? You didn’t give us details on the w--” Blitzo promptly shushed her and put his hand on the knob. “You and me, we’re going to fucking light this place up.” The hound sighed but later nodded, and he turned the knob.

They burst through the door. They were shocked to see a bald teenage girl lying on the hospital bed hooked to life support. Her eyes focused on them as she looked horrified by the look of the unwelcome visitors. 

The patient struggled to talk with her nose being covered by the tubes. She groaned. “W-W-Who are you guys!?”

Blitzo cringed as he closed the door behind them. He recollected his thoughts and came up with a reasonable explanation for their unholy appearance. “Oh, us? Heh heh, sorry. We were shooting a big blockbuster film, and we were sent here by the uhhhh…”

Loona stepped forward. “...the Make-A-Wish Foundation! Yep. Sorry about the makeup, kid. We have to keep it on for a whole week. You know how it goes.”

The patient giggled slowly. It was still a struggle for her to even do such a thing. 

“T-That makes sense…I always wanted to meet actors.”

Crazy coincidence. Blitzo nodded. “Yeaaah! So, who is this sweet girl and what’s the dealio?”

The patient didn’t move a muscle. She only looked up and then looked back at the funny looking imp. “I’m Emily...and I have cancer. I’m uhh...turning eighteen tomorrow.” Blitzo crossed his arms as Loona stood there in complete shock. “Oh? We’re gonna have a birthday girl real soon? Well that’s fantastic!” He sat himself by the bedside and looked down at the “target”. So, what does this brave gentle soul want for her birthday? Ask and ye’ shall receive.”

Silence.

Blitzo stared at her blankly, then laughed nervously. “How about another couple of years here?” Emily laughed quietly. “T-They told me I should pull through...I’ll be fine for now.” Loona put her hand over her mouth. She began tearing up as the jarring conversation continued on.

“Ah! Terrific job, buddy! Is there anything we can do to make that eighteenth birthday a little sweeter?”

The patient shook her head slightly. “There isn’t really anything I want. I’m g-grateful that I’ll be able to live for at least another year. But if it doesn’t trouble you two…”

Blitzo gleamed. “Oh, do tell!”  
Then Emily whispered. “I just want someone to talk to…”

Another period of silence. Blitzo suddenly woke back up and chuckled. “Aha! Of course we will do that, E! Lay it on us! Whatever you have on your mind, you spill the beans, girl!”

Emily looked down. “Well...I want to know if I’ll be fine without my parents around...My dad left me a million to spend it on whatever I want...and I’ve been using it on cancer treatment, so I’m going to probably be short on money…”

Blitzo raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I know. He may have been an asshole when he was around...but I miss him and my mom. If I had to hear another drunken argument between them at least one more time, I would...just so I can tell them how much I love them…”

The imp turned his head to the family portrait on top of the nightstand.

A pale brunette, and a Caucasian male with a slim figure and a bald head. Emily was on the front. She had a full head of brown hair. What was really unsettling was that Emily and her father had one certain accessory on their faces. Heart shaped glasses. The father looked familiar despite his fleshy appearance.

It was safe to assume this was Valentino’s daughter.

Everything made sense now. The impatience of the overlord, the fact that Emily was turning eighteen real soon, and the contract on his own daughter. They all interconnected to a heartbreaking motive. Valentino did not create a contract to get rid of someone equally as powerful as him in the living world, or in spite of anybody. There was a little known rule of abatement that only the overlords and contract killers knew. If you die before turning eighteen, the judgement on your life will be completely irrelevant. Emily’s assessment of her own father was enough of an excuse to send her to Hell. It was clear that she was no angel, but the truth is, she can be.

Valentino wanted his daughter to die and go to Heaven.

It was a clever plan. It also made sense why he didn’t decide to try the ritual himself and kill her. Now Blitzo and Loona had the unbearable task of killing someone’s ill daughter.

The hound sniffed as she struggled to fight back an ugly sob. She looked at Blitzo and left the room. It was too much for her.

He turned around, and Emily began tearing up as well.

“I-I-I’m sorry...I just--”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “No, don’t you dare be sorry. Your story really touched me, Emily, and if I were you, I would keep moving forward. It is never easy for somebody to try living without their parents. Trust me, I know. I know what it feels like to be lonely, to be scared, to feel like you are a mere shell of yourself and that you shouldn’t have made it this far. But the truth is, you were destined to continue fighting. You are a strong woman with a strong but gentle soul. I want you to look me in the eyes and promise me that you will continue fighting no matter what. You do that, then I can promise you, you will live. You feel me, Emily? You are going to live.”

Emily began sobbing.

Blitzo held his hand. She clenched it as she looked up to her guide.

“You are going to live, Emily. Promise me that.”

She wiped her tears and stopped sobbing. Emily nodded.

“I-I promise. Thank you…”

He smiled. Blitzo got himself up from the bedside and patted her head. “Now you go get some shut eye. It’s getting late. Good luck, soldier.”

Emily smiled. She turned to her side and closed her eyes. She yawned and proceeded to breathe for a while Blitzo stood there crossing his arms, wiping a tear from his eye. 

After a minute, Emily was finally in sleep mode.

Blitzo gulped and walked over to the life support. He got down on one knee and stared at the cable. This unspeakable act was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He thought about it for a while. He took out his phone and looked at the calls. The call with Valentino was eight minutes ago. He still had time to spare.

He took a deep sigh and pulled the plug.

The monitor began beeping slower and slower.

Until it flatlined. 

She died peacefully.

\-------

Blitzo already sent photos of the monitor and the deceased Emily over to Valentino. He stood over the portal and looked around one last time. Loona already messaged him, claiming that this contract was too much for her, and Moxxie messaged him that he and Millie were already waiting back in Hell.

He hopped back in and found himself inside the ritual room, where the couple and the hound were. Millie was laying down on the couch, feeling all better with her tibia no longer displaced. She killed herself almost instantly once they arrived and was relieved to be able to stand on her own two feet again. Moxxie held her close to him, and Loona was curled up in a corner. She turned to see Blitzo sporting a grim expression. Her fears had come true. 

RING RING!

Blitzo picked up the phone and accepted the call.

“Hello Vale. I did the--” He was interrupted by loud sobbing from the other line. The overlord was letting out his emotions for the imp to hear. Valentino began sniffling and tried his best to talk. “I-I-I’m a bad f-father…*sobs*”

Blitzo sighed. “No, man. You had to do what you had to do. She’s going to be in a better place now, alright? I know about the abatement and shit.”

Valentino stopped crying and nodded over the phone. “Y-you’re right. She’s not going to be stuck here with me. I don’t want that to happen for her. She’s too good for that.”

“Agreed.”

Valentino wiped his nose and recollected himself. “Okay, the contract is done. I’ll have one of my guys come over. He’ll give you the payment in about ten minutes.”

The payment.

Blitzo couldn’t help but jump the gun. “Hey Vale, I don’t know if you mind me asking, but just how much are you paying? You didn’t give us any details on the target, so we couldn’t estimate the pri--”

Valentino interrupted. “No, no. Trust me, imp. You don’t have to worry about it. I’m very positive you are going to like it, baby.”

\----------

The four stood outside by the parking lot. A black van pulled up and parked right in front of them. The driver seat popped open, and a large shark with a black shirt, black slacks, and beady eyes came around. He appeared intimidating, but his expression was soft and mellow, as if he was working at a floral shop. The shark approached the group and cocked his head forward.

“I have the money stored inside, ready for you, sir. I sincerely hope Valentino paid his debts.”

Blitzo shook his head, while Loona growled. “I’ll have to see a fucking therapist after this.” 

The muscular shark put his hands together. “I understand, m’am. Once again, we apologize on behalf of our lord.” He turned around and opened the backdoor, revealing a large duffel bag that was stretched to the point where it appeared rectangular. He grabbed the bag and handed it to Blitzo. However, once he let go, the imp dropped to the floor as the bag took him down. 

“Oh fuck! It’s a lot!” 

The shark grabbed the bag. “Don’t worry. I will take it inside, if you wish.”

Blitzo got himself back up and smiled. “Yep, that’ll do just fine.”

\-------

The shark dropped the bag down to the floor of Blitzo’s office. Everybody stood there in wonder.After his assistance, the shark once again bowed slightly and shook Blitzo’s hand. “Thank you for your services.” The imp replied, “And thank you for moving that big ass bag. We really appreciate that.” 

The shark nodded and walked out of the office. Moxxie got down and opened it up.

Everybody gasped. 

Valentino wasn’t kidding. He was positive that they would enjoy the payment. There had to be millions inside. 

Moxxie jumped. “OH MY GOD!” Millie followed her husband. “WE’RE RICH, BABY! WE’RE RICH! WE’RE ACTUALLY FUCKING RICH” Loona put his hands to her head, and smiled as wide as she could. Not once did they ever break a hundred thousand, let alone $10M. 

Blitzo stood there. He had no idea how to react. 

Loona caught him by surprise and hugged him. The hound gave him a sloppy kiss, to which Blitzo had no reaction to. Moxxie and Millie embraced each other and shared a tender kiss. Once they broke it, Millie put her hand to his cheek. 

A ten million dollar contract. Blitzo was in disbelief. 

They were rich.

END OF VOLUME 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That went from 0 to 100 real quick. Alright, Volume 1 is in the books, and there are two more volumes to go! 
> 
> This also means I am going to take an extended break for the time being. I really enjoyed writing these, but I am going to cool it off for a while so I can focus on Finals week. You can expect a lot more action next week!
> 
> I intend Vol. 2 to be my funniest, craziest, and most dramatic work yet! See you all soon!


	12. All This Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie are WYLIN’ RIGHT NOW! Damn, I wish Loona was here tho. She’s too fixated on that Latina booty. She needs to get back on it and hang with the boys for a little while.

It was an abnormally peaceful evening in Imp City. Nobody carried out a heist nineteen hours into the day, the labor force inside the town were just leaving work to go to their homes, and the homeless were setting up fires to survive the night. The city was out of reach from the infamous turf wars ever since the stationing of multiple “guards” in the area, otherwise known as professional thugs and assassins. 

Out of nowhere, a loud noise emerged from the south side of town. The music blared from the speakers, filling the air through the crowded streets. The mini-van made a sharp right turn and caught the attention of every nearby imp as it skidded back into its course. 

https://youtu.be/PCtt6kfMnzQ

“Oh my god!  
I ain't done shit, all my life  
I'm about to spend four, 'bout five  
I'm about to spend all this money  
Oh my god!  
I ain't done shit, all my life  
I'm about to spend four, 'bout five  
I'm about to spend all this money”

The van then swerved to the right and crashed onto a nearby bank. The collision managed to kill four nearby imps in suits that were just walking out of the building. Shortly after, the vehicle backed out of the bloody mess and continued going straight. 

Laughter filled the van, as Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona found amusement in the flattening of the presumably wealthy imps. They shared high fives and fist bumps, as Moxxie continued stepping hard on the gas pedal with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand holding a bottle of vodka. He occasionally passed it over to Millie, who would swallow a large amount, hand it back, and the cycle continued. 

“Was pretty bad before, now I'm just reckless  
Apple Ciroc for dinner, lunch and breakfast  
You know how it goes if you got it better spend it  
And if you ain't got it I suggest you go and get it”

They all rode into the sunset.

\---------  
VOLUME TWO

“Hello!? Are you ever gonna fucking pick up?”

Silence. The voice moved on to another question. “...Bird dick is right around the corner, huh?”

A quiet voice answered from the other line. “Yep…” Blitzo just received a call from his adopted hellhound/proclaimed daughter, who was roaming the streets downtown with Shrapnel. He was sitting on the edge of a bed. Not his bed, just a very familiar bed with feathers scattered all around it underneath a big castle. Stolas was still asleep at this time, now that his wife and child had left him after they found out who was moving in. 

The imp had a bottle of scotch on one hand. He stared at it funny, not even realizing that he was drinking out of it at all. His mind was all over the place ever since “The Contract”. He was never known as a big spender. Whenever he had some money left over, he just purchased splashed it all on alcohol and maybe the occasional ganja, and this instance was no exception at all. He and Stolas had a few hits of the blunt last night, and it compelled them to experience a whole night’s worth of binge-watching movies and listening to music whilst high.

Loona smiled when she finally heard Blitzo’s voice. She looked to Shrapnel, who gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. The hound turned her snout back forward and kept her ear open. “I just wanna thank you for allowing me to do this. I know it sounds fucking corny and shit, but I’m gonna have the time of my life thanks to you.”

The response received a bright smile from the imp. “Loona...wow...I’m gla--”

He was promptly interrupted. He heard a gun cock from the other line. It was Shrapnel. “Let’s do this shit, perra!” Loona chuckled, and turned her attention back to the conversation. “Heh, that’s Shraps. I gotta go right now. Once again, thanks. I won’t be gone for too long, don’t worry.”

“Alright, Loonie. Have fun, I love y--”

She hung up. Blitzo exhaled as he put the bottle on his lips.

\---------

“Oh fuck…”

*slurp*

“Oh fuuuuckk...don’t go too fast, baby, I’m gonna---”

Gag reflex. The imp only had his white top on, and speaking of “top”, he was also getting the best top of his life. The reflex was too good for him to withstand. After one tiny drop slipped out of him, the entire floodgates opened. 

Moxxie whimpered at first, then he started moaning heavily. Millie felt the stream travel down her gullet. After she was finished, she wiped her mouth, smirked at him, and stood back up. Moxxie slumped onto the bed, still panting from the sweet release. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his body left and right. 

Millie put on her pants and yawned as she sat down and kissed Moxxie on the cheek. He blushed and put an arm around her. The imp used his other arm to stretch out towards the drawer on his nightstand and took out a wad of cash. About $2,000 tied up.

They stared at the money in hunger, thinking as to what they will use it on. Moxxie wanted to move out to a better house, while Millie...wanted to do exactly that. They both looked at each other and nodded. The couple knew exactly what to do.

Then Moxxie tapped Millie on the shoulder. She looked at him with confusion. He raised his finger.

“You still have some on your upper lip.”

\---------

Blitzo tapped the table impatiently. He wanted to give everybody the day off, unless it was Loona, then it was a whole week. He fanned himself with a stack of cash he had in his pocket. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. He jumped out of his seat and rushed over to get it. The imp opened the door and was greeted by a multitude of powerful overlords in custom made jackets, hats, scarfs, rings, bling, etcetera etcetera. There were about fifteen. None of them said a word. They were all frowning, dreading the fact that they had to come here to receive an update on their contracts. 

“Welcome, your Highnesses and Highnessette...ses... (ah fucking hell)”

A female reptile with a white bowler hat groaned. Blitzo was sweating bullets as he put his hand up and laughed off the embarrassing display. He was trying his best, but it was hard to act calmly when his life was at risk every second he was around the overlords.

They all looked down and realized there weren’t enough seats around the table. They appeared dumbfounded and angrily turned to the imp, who was still chuckling nervously to the point where a tear left his eye. He was roughly 70% sure he was going to die.

“Alright...heh heh...now you’re all wondering why you’re here--”

A plump demon with a walrus mustache and a top hat grunted. “The email said you were going to talk to us about our contracts, dipshit.”

Blitzo winced at the curse, and did some sort of nod as a way to express his modest apology. He coughed to himself and tried to gather his thoughts, but it was hard with everybody else shaking their heads in disbelief. This was the person handling their contracts, and it seemed like the only thing he was butchering right now was his own presentation.

“Uhm...I can’t really...put into words how much the mone--I mean the contract--how generous it was of the--you guys to choose us, the I.M.P, to do your cunt--contracts--”

The reptile slammed her fist on the table. “GET IT ON WITH, DAMNIT! TIME IS MONEY!”

Murmurs filled the room. “Can you believe this guy?” “This is the fucker?” “He’s the bloke who’s gonna murder my ex?” 

Blitzo continued pouring sweat. He jerked his head left to right repeatedly. He had no idea what to do.

Then he heard her voice.

=========

“Awh, little baby gonna cry?”

A 12 year old Tilla kicked the ball around, juggling it in front of a young defeated Blitzo, who was barely entering the age of 10. He dug his face onto his hands, and continued sobbing loudly as he tried to nurse his wound. He fought through tears. “G-Give me my ball!”

All his older sister could do was laugh as she continued juggling the ball with ease. One kick sent the ball straight up and landed on the poor boy’s head. Blitzo instantly held his head and leaned back in pain, crying louder than he initially was. 

Tilla scoffed and stood above him. “Hey bitch boy, man the fuck up!”

“G-G-G”

She grabbed the imp by his striped shirt and scowled at him.

“I can’t hear you!”

=========

Blitzo’s eyes narrowed. He put on his game face and gripped his hands. He was not going to deal with this shit again. The imp then turned around swiftly and wiped everything on the whiteboard. Charts, cartoon faces, hearts, betting odds, and drinking tallies were all wiped out within three seconds.

The murmurs stopped. The overlords turned to Blitzo and suddenly switched back to blank expressions. They were all ears for this one now that the once idle boss was going to work with the board.

With the whiteboard marker, he drew a set of dates from January 15 to 31. Today was January 14.

JAN 15 JAN 23 JAN 31  
JAN 16 JAN 24   
JAN 17 JAN 25  
JAN 18 JAN 26  
JAN 19 JAN 27  
JAN 20 JAN 28  
JAN 21 JAN 29  
JAN 22 JAN 30

Blitzo turned around and put his finger up. “Alright, everybody. Below every date, your names will be written in. We have worked hard to ensure our dates were fair to all, considering that we ordered this shit from the amount of bucks you folks had to splash. The one with the most moolah on their targets head will have their contract done by the end of January 15. Now, I know I got off to a slow start. I mean, I’ll be hella honest with you guys, my brain sank to my ass. However, I’ll be here to answer any lingering questions you guys have. No bullshit.”

A regular looking penguin from the back with a bowtie, a monocle, and fire in its eyes and red flippers put his limbs up for everyone to see. “Hot damn!” Another demon with a tall and lanky figure, a tuxedo, a fedora, and a cane raised his hand. “So what you’re saying is that the most expensive contracts come first?” Blitzo nodded. He had a firm look.

Suddenly, a mysterious voice emerged from the very back where nobody could see. “How much is your top contract?”

The boss held onto his chin. “Umm...I’d say the Penguin Demon paid $6M.”

The voice chuckled. 

“Pathetic. I’ll do ya one even better.”

\---------  
Moxxie and Millie stood there while a handsome real estate agent with straight brown hair and a vest tried sweet-talking them into buying a two story log cabin with a patio and a nicely trimmed yard. The problem was that there were way too many issues within the interior. From ripped carpets to cracks on the wall, it looked like hell, and they should know.

The agent rubbed his hands together. “I know it ain’t look pretty on the inside, but nothing like a good paint job won’t fix!”

Millie tilted her head to the side. She pointed behind him. “And what about those menacing thugs outside the window?”

That’s when the agent panicked. “OH SHIT!” He suddenly shoved them out of the way and hastily opened the front door. Once he walked out, his head was blown off by a sawed-off shotgun nearby. The thugs walked around and arrived at the front porch, where they went to retrieve his body.

One of the thugs looked up and saw the couple. His face was covered by his hoodie, but they were able to see his bright smile.

“Daaaamn! You two are fuckin’ cute togetha’!”

Millie blushed and turned to Moxxie. He sighed and took his phone out of his pocket as the thugs transported the body and stuffed it inside the trunk of their car. 

“I’ll call up the next person.”

\---------

“Wait, you’re being serious?”

The Gunslinger Demon. He tipped his white ten gallon hat and shot one of his revolvers onto the ceiling. Blitzo didn’t care at all. He can only put it in his thoughts as (fuckin’ retardo awesome) to see the demon sitting on one of his chairs in his own building.

“Yessire. I ain’t given ya’ anythin’ yet there, hoss. But I wanna put my chips in for a total of $20M.”

Twenty freakin’ million.

Blitzo was blown away by the offer. There was no way he was going to let this one slip from his hands.

—————

A short and slim female real estate agent lured the couple into an empty room.

“And here we have the guest bedroom. Nothing too crazy. Just the right size for somebody crashing in, like a friend...or a co-worker…”

The words of the agent annoyed Moxxie. He couldn’t fathom the thought of having Blitzo coming over for their new house, especially when it has a guest bedroom. It will be a key piece in the boss’ arguments for years to come.

Moxxie did not look pleased at his own thoughts. The agent saw this and opened her mouth, then she closed it again. She was trying to analyze the thought process behind the imp while also thinking of a feasible selling point that the guest bedroom can bring.

She snapped her fingers. “Do you two have any children?”

The couple looked at each other. Millie’s eyelids sank halfway down. She was not going to let this be a glimmer of hope for him, especially when they talked about this dozens of times.

Regardless, the agent brought a lot more to the conversation as she continued to make a good point.

“If you two have a little imp, this could be a great playplace for the little tyke. Toys, a drawing table, maybe some basic...instruments? Xylophones, maybe?”

Moxxie turned to her again. 

He beamed, but she merely looked down and sighed.

It was going to be a long trip home.

———-

Millie stared out the window as they were traveling southbound. Moxxie had a quiet little tune on the radio to ensure that the ride home wouldn’t be completely awkward, but it was not helping at all.

He coughed as he focused on the road. “Do you want to talk about it?” She shook her head. “No, I don’t think I will.”

Silence.

Moxxie’s phone rang right on top of the car console. Millie grabbed it for him and picked up the call. “Hello, baby-makin’ wife with an existential crisis speakin’!” The sarcasm in her voice caused Moxxie to groan.

Blitzo was on the other line. 

“Funky Chicken. 7PM. I got some news that’ll blow you fuckers away.”


	13. Funky Chicken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hittin’ the club tonight! Ay, we need a designated driver to take the gang home because they’ll be shitfaced by the time it’s over. Can you help us out? It’s only a 15 min drive, man. We don’t needa pay you any gas money. The fuck? You coming or nah?

“Get me another drink, now.”

The bartender groaned and whipped up another special cocktail for the barking voice ordering it so. Blitzo has been stressed out all day long, and shortly after a nerve-wrecking briefing with his clientele, the pressure on him was much higher now that he had a $20M contract in his grasp. The I.M.P had a drug-filled meeting last night where they all decided on what to spend their money on, and it seemed like everybody had at least three batshit insane suggestions each. Loona wanted a Hell-Siberian Tiger, Millie wanted a large turret that shoots rocket clusters, Moxxie wanted a giant mech suit, and Blitzo wanted a hand mortar that shoots out explosive bowling balls laced with flesh-eating parasites. Of course, even a boozed up Moxxie had to remind the boss that the parasites will likely die in the explosions, but Blitzo still made the order because absolutely nobody really cared. They were rich now, they had to throw logic out of the window and focus on finding ideal ways to shorten the duration of each contract and to increase the efficiency. 

As the music blared inside the club, Blitzo swung his legs while sitting on the velvet stool. Nobody even bothered to notice the now-popular imp and successful owner of the Immediate Murder Professionals. They’ll know him soon enough, though. They will. Only problem is that they needed to regroup and ensure no more drama will come out of this. 

He heard someone sit themselves on the stool. Blitzo jerked his head to the left and was delighted to see that Millie was there. Her lipstick was extra glittery and black, her hair was puffier than usual, and her attire was replaced with a long silky black dress and a luxurious leather handbag to carry around her. She batted her eyelashes at him as he opened up a half-smile.

“I knew my most trusted employee wouldn’t let me make an ass of myself here alone. How you been, Mills?”

She puckered her lips. Her expression visibly changed as her eyes shrunk and shifted forward. “My baby didn’t wanna come along.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Moxxie? What the hell happened?”

All Millie did was sigh heavily and chuckle lightly as she put her fist on her chin, waiting for the bartender to notice her and to take her soon-to-be alarmingly large order. “We got into a lil’ fight. Nothin’ too serious, just a bunch of hints shoved down my throat and all.”

Blitzo crossed his arms and wanted to ask his employee to elaborate a little more, but judging by how disturbingly quick her expression changed, he did not want to push her further to the edge. He scratched his head and instead turned back forward, where the blue-colored dragon bartender would approach him. 

“Here’s your shitty cocktail and your equally shitty edible tobacco coaster, you bastard. Choke on it, will ya’?”

The bartender smirked as Blitzo raised himself up slightly and patted the dragon by his shoulder. “Thanks, Ed. My slave here wants something too.” He pointed at Millie. The boss instantly guffawed from his own joke as Millie slowly started pity laughing at the usual “slave” dig that Blitzo directed towards his employees on separate occasions. 

Both the bartender and Millie looked at each other for an uncomfortably long time as the imp slowly thought to what poison she was going to pick for tonight. That’s when she finally settled on a broad answer. “Just give me somethin’ that’ll make me forget today happened. Thanks hun.”

The dragon nodded and walked back over to the alcohol. Without a pause to think of what to get her, he took out a large stained glass bottle with a cool color scheme. He came back and placed it on the counter. Afterwards, he looked at Blitzo and cocked his head forward slightly. “My condolences.”

Once the bartender left with that questionably dark ending to the conversation, Millie shrugged and popped open the bottle. She grabbed it by the neck and took a large gulp. While all this was happening, Blitzo swirled his own cocktail round and round with the straw, hoping to disperse the grenadine into the rest of his drink.

Millie slammed the bottle down and took a deep breath. She smacked her lips and licked off the rest of the booze in a nervously alarming manner. The imp took another good look at the bottle and decided to take another gulp. Soon after that, she took another. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another.

The vicious cycle caused Millie to drink the entire bottle within seconds without any struggle. She shrugged and turned to Blitzo. “My goodness, this ain’t doin’ anythin’ fer’ me.” The boss giggled as he took a small sip of his own drink. This boring display left Millie unimpressed, causing her to shake her head.

“Blitzo, Blitzo, Blitzo. Don’t you own a freakin’ company, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart alone threw off the imp, causing him to squint his eyes at her. 

Millie clicked her tongue and laughed. She wagged her finger at him as well in a disjointed manner. “Come on, sir! Dont’cha be a pussy! Me and you, we can *belch* buy this--”

Blitzo put down his glass. “Girl, how the FFFFUCK did you manage to get boozed up so fast?”

All his employee could do was giggle some more and start grooving randomly. The club music wasn’t even playing in the background due to technical difficulties with the mugging of a DJ. Millie got out of the stool and stood in front of Blitzo’s face. She bit her lips as she began slowly moving her hips and her shoulders. 

“We can go dooooown, to the rainbowsssss! Don’t let your highhhhhhhh keep your brain looowwww! You’re a birdddddd, you’re supposed to flyyy awayyyyyyy! Don’t let your wiiiiiinnngggsss go to wasteee.” 

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf_TvbfP-TU) (i’m sorry for doing this to y’all)

Blitzo nervously chuckled while Millie began slow dancing under the saturated lights. She had no rhythm or agility to her jig, she was just flat out drunk. 

That’s when they heard gunshots. Millie drunkenly fell on the floor thinking that the shots came within the bar, while Blitzo jumped out of the seat. They both looked at each other as the rest of the patrons inside the club turned to the scene of the crime.

A pale imp in a white fur coat and milk colored jeans laid dead on the floor Two demon thugs with sunglasses, leather jackets, and ripped black pants reloaded their weapons and pointed them towards various people second by second. One was colored dark red while the other was lavender colored. The dark red goon raised his voice inside the silent club. “Alright, you buncha cocksuckas, run it up before we rob the shit outta your bitch ass corpses, ight?” 

The imps sitting by the towering demons rummaged through their pockets and their bodies to hand in at least one item to ensure that nothing else will be taken away from them. Some threw out gold watches, some threw in their own shoes, some threw in gold and silver piercings, while some just flat out threw their clothes into the mix. The loot began piling up in front of the duo as more and more clubgoers grew intimidated by the thugs. 

Millie groaned. “Oh boy, I forgot to bring my weddin’ ring.”

Blitzo threw his head back in disbelief by the words of his employee. “Y-Your wedding ring. You were going to throw away your fucking wedding ring?”

She looked up in confusion and belched. “The fuck you lookin’ at, weirdo?”

Apparently the bottle has its own respective side effects of dementia and increased libido. 

The thugs cackled as they searched others and received much more loot. They even ripped out jewelry to speed up the process. That’s when they happened to stumble across two certain clubgoers. They aimed their weapon at Blitzo.

A deep voice came from the lavender one. “Okay, Vitiligo, cough it up. Come on now, we ain’t got all day.” Blitzo nodded as he raised his hands up. “Okay, okay. First, I have to ask you two something.” They continued standing idly.

“Does it make you two fine gentlemen feel powerful? Mugging a bunch of imps who need I remind you, are merely half your size?”

The thugs looked at each other, then turned back to the imp.

The lavender thug responded “You best keep ya’ stupid ass mouth shut. I said cough it up now.”

Blitzo raised his eyebrow and refused to move anything beyond that. “Alright, I understand you two do not know who I am, right? That’s alright. Because if that’s true, if you don’t know who I am, then maybe your best course is to tread lightly. The universe is random. Not inevitable. It’s simple chaos, and look, I don’t intend on busting your guys’ chops right now, I just want to make sure you two are aware of what the fuck you guys are doing.”

They looked at each other again. The dark red demon got pissed off and got his pistol closer to Blitzo’s face. “My man, did you just steal TWO fuckin’ Breaking Bad quotes? In a row?”

The boss smirked.

The lavender thug threw his arms up in the air. “This guy is ludacris. You fuckin’ up my favorite living world TV show right now! Come on, B, let’s light this dude up.”

Millie raised herself up from the floor and stood right in front of Blitzo. She clenched a fist right in front of them. “Now you boys *hic* listen to ME! I need the *belch* directions to the bathroom because I gotta sleep like a bitch!”

They raised their eyebrows.

“Um, it’s right down there.” The dark red thug was courteous enough to point the direction of the bathroom to her. She smiled and limped the other way into a wall, where she collided and collapsed onto the floor. Millie began snoring.

“Sweet Savory Satan, the fucks wrong with her?”

Once they turned around, Blitzo shrieked and pounced on the dark red thug. 

They both fell to the ground hard as the imp tried overpowering the much taller demon for his gun. The lavender thug shouted and pointed down. He pulled the trigger, but at the last second, Blitzo rolled out quick and left the other thug down to take a mean bullet to the chest. The shot instantly killed him, as blood splattered out and began spilling all over his shirt. 

The lavender thug reloaded fast and tried to aim for Blitzo once more, but he had a hold of his arms. The thug easily overpowered the imp and threw him back against the wall. Once Blitzo was down, he aimed and caught his attention. The gun fired, but the imo frantically rolled out of the way and hastily got himself back up. He ran towards the thug once more, but he received a mean haymaker across once more when he got to punching distance.

The imp once again fell down, holding his face. The lavender thug pointed to him once more as he was left unaffected by his efforts. “Go to sleep, you tiny bastard.”

He aimed at the imp one more time, but was caught off guard when Blitzo silently snuck a pocket knife to his hand and threw it at high speed. The knife pierced the thug in his eye, causing him to scream and fall back. Regardless, he pulled the trigger, but he was nowhere near the target. That’s when Blitzo ran back and pinned the demon onto the floor. He took the knife out of his eye and caused him to scream once more. Then he proceeded to stab the thug multiple times on his other eye, his chest, his abdomen, then his neck.

He tried catching his breath as he took the knife out of the neck area and placed it back into his pocket.   
Blitzo rubbed his eyes and looked towards a completely knocked out Millie. “I think I uhhhh, was s’posed to tell you something, but it’s too late now.”

“Tell her what?”

The boss jumped up in fear and turned to the source of the voice as everybody else sat there in disbelief by how easy it was for Blitzo to get rid of the thugs. It was Moxxie, and he was holding a revolver of his own on one hand, and a bottle of Scotch on the other. 

Blitzo chuckled nervously as he looked uo. “Ohhh, hey Mox. You finally put your big boy pants on? Got that *ahm*, broomstick out of your ass yeah?”

Moxxie clicked his tongue and remained silent as he casually bent his legs back and forth. “It’s good to see you too, sir. But seriously, we need to get out of here. I took everything while nobody was looking.”

Someone stood up from a nearby booth. He was in listening distance and was not happy by the confession. “Wait, what the fuck did you say you di—“

Moxxie swiftly drew his weapon and shot the club going imp straight in the head. The clubgoer fell forward onto his table and stained the white cloth with the spray and pour of his blood.

“How the fuck did you get here so fast?”

That’s when Moxxie smirked and turned around. 

“You wouldn’t get it, but rule number one of relationships is to never leave your woman alone in a club.”

————

Moxxie reassorted his handguns on the table. “I am going to need you to repeat that once more.”

Blitzo sat on the other side of the dining table inside Moxxie and Millie’s house. The wife was fast asleep on the bed after the two had to carry her home. Whatever voodoo shit she drank, it certainly seems like it will do the trick in making this a forgettable day.

The boss put his finger up. “$20 million buckaroos. Lots of money for this target here.” Blitzo tossed over a small print photo of a bald headed man in an white jumpsuit and an eyepatch covering one of his eyes.

“This gloriously bald bastard does not have a name. No alias or anything, and nothing else to prove his existence besides this picture. They say he’s cooped up in a psychiatric facility. Must be going through some shit right now. Murderous? Definitely. But here’s the worst part…”

Moxxie looked up into Blitzo’s eyes. He was intrigued by the background information, but he was on the edge of his seat when Blitzo took a deep sigh before the big reveal.

“...he’s a government experiment.”

All his employee could do was scoff. “And in what way does that petrify you?” However, the boss shook his head in an unhinged and quick manner. “No no no, you don’t understand. This guy is the fucking Diablo himself. They say he has telekinetic powers, which is why the Cowboy Demon pasted twenty-million for his head.

Moxxie’s eyes widened in complete disbelief. He still had a hint of skepticism left in him that prevented the imp from taking his own boss’ word for it. “Twenty-million. You’re telling me that we could be facing a literal supervillain...for twenty-million? Look, even if this man is who you say he is, why in the world did you take up his measly offer?”

“Because my dumbass gave you the day off! Ugh, fuck!” Blitzo pounded his fist on the table. “None of us would have expected this from today, and I was too fucking nervous to negotiate with him, man. I had nobody to advise me, and it all just happened so quick, Mox. One wrong word and he would have hung up my severed balls on his rearview mirror!”

The analogy made Moxxie cringe, but he was still trying to keep focus on the subject. “Look, sir. This is why I kept asking you if you were sure about this, especially when you have a big meeting to host the same day. You need to put your ego aside and let--”

“Ego? Bitch, I gave you two the day off because I was trying to be nice!”

Moxxie raised his eyebrow. He shuffled for his phone inside his pocket. Keys jangled and papers were being crumpled, but he finally took out the phone. He unlocked it and showed Blitzo the entire MSG conversation.

============  
6:36A.M

Moxxie: Sir im pretty sure youll need us for this meeting. Are you sure about this?

Blitzo: yea lmao

Moxxie: Why?

Blitzo: cmon moxx, the fuck u take me for? a newbie? this aint my first time holding a meeting for our clients

Moxxie: Except this isnt Stolas and the baby Demon. We are going to have over fifteen overlords this time around

Blitzo: its ok bb, I got it :P i work so much better under massive pressure

Moxxie: Whatever u say.

============

“Oh.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Moxxie banged his head back into his chair, notably pissed off that the boss was consciously careless on this one. “Great. Now what are we going to do? Do you even realize that we haven’t even USED our new equipment yet? Do you?”

Blitzo facepalmed. “Fuck off…”

Still trying to fight his inner self from shouting, Moxxie took a deep breath and put his hand on his cheek. “Sir, I am grateful for everything that you have done for me and Millie. If it weren’t for you, all this here wouldn’t be possible.” Moxxie held his hands up from left to right, taking Blitzo’s eyes on a tour of the living room in its entirety. “With that being said, we have millions to our names now, meaning we have every opportunity to become the premier hitman service in Imp City. That means you need to start taking this seriously.”

The boss quickly replied. He was visibly angry, as his teeth gritted and his right eye began twitching. “Do you not realize I’m fucking doing that right now!? Who had to control your anger when we went to that angel-killing bastard’s house and convert it to a search? Who had to rescue you and Loona when you two got entangled in a net? A fucking net! Who had to finish the million-dollar contract that gave us all this money while you abandoned us?” 

Moxxie rolled his eyes.

“I had to kill someone’s daughter, Moxxie. She was making great progress with battling cancer, and I made her efforts worthless. This is as serious as it gets, man.”

The weapons specialist raised himself from the chair and crossed his arms. “With all due respect, you’re missing the point. You endangered me. You endangered Millie. You endangered yourself. How? With this pathetic contract that YOU yourself negotiated. All because you insisted we let you do all the work.”

Blitzo’s eyes shifted to his right.  
“Look, sir. We all need to work together. We work as hard as you do too. The least you can let us do is help you run this company. Next time, we all give you an input. All of us.”

Silence. 

Moxxie added to his speech. “Wait, did you even ask Loona?”

Blitzo shook his head.

“Oh boy.”

————

“Damn, I’m not gonna lie. You fucked up on this one.”

Blitzo rubbed his eyes while Moxxie sat next to him with his hands clasped together on the table. They were calling Loona through FaceTime, and she was isolated in a dark room with the blinds half open. Shrapnel was sharpening her knife in the background. “I know! You’ve lived with me for like over ten something years now, you should know I’m asscheeks at finances and math!”

Loona put her finger up to her chin. “Well let’s see. One guy with telekinesis plus eyepatch plus mental hospital equals the whole damn pot.” 

This did not help the boss, who groaned after Loona finished her equation. Blitzo and Moxxie were confused once Loona began chuckling quietly on the other line. “Heh heh, you said Millie is blackout drunk right now?”

Moxxie put his hand to his forehead. “Yes, I did. You can stop asking about it now.”

“Hey, Moxxie.”

“No.”

“Hey, Moxxie. Heh heh, when Millie wakes up, can you ask her something?”

“Bugger off.”

“Why would she drink on a WORK NIGHT!?”

Loona exploded with laughter, as she put one hand to her mouth and fell over to the side of her inflatable bed. They can see Shrapnel turn over her shoulder, guffawing at the zinger that she didn’t even understand the context of. 

Moxxie huffed and turned around. “I’m going to bed. You can leave now.”

Blitzo jerked his head fast to Moxxie’s direction. “What!? No, fuck that! Let me stay with you guys!”

“No.”

“Come on, didn’t you invite me when we rescued yo--”

“That was like a month ago.”

“Isn’t that how invitations work thoug--”

That’s when Moxxie exploded. He turned around and clenched his fists. His eyes were fiery red and his nose was curled up. “NO, THAT IS NOT HOW INVITATIONS WORK! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” He cursed furiously to himself as he walked down the hallway. 

“Oh.”

Loona and Shrapnel froze after the intense confrontation. Shrapnel was now laying by Loona’s side with her full attention to the call. “Ho ho ho ho, you done pissed him off, suegro.” The last word made Loona’s face flush red. 

Blitzo turned to his phone. “The fuck is a ‘sway-grow’?”

————

After brushing his teeth, Moxxie creaked the bedroom door open. The somber orange light coming from the living room made its way into the room, which was completely devoid of light before the imp helped himself inside. The blinds and the curtains were completely shut, and Millie laid there in personal peace. He was still unsure whether she was asleep or not, because he didn’t really hear any cycled breathing from her. 

First he took off his tie. Then his jacket. Then the shoes and socks, and finally his slacks. All he had left was his white top and his boxers. The imp then made his way to the other side of the bed and slumped down. He pulled the covers up to himself and to Millie as well. 

After a while, he turned to her.

“Sniff twice if you can hear me.” Millie followed with two sniffs. 

Moxxie sighed and got himself closer to her. “Are you still mad at me?” She didn’t move at all, but she still replied. “Yep. This alcohol doesn’t do shiiiii…”

The freckled imp shook his head and held her hand. “Hey, I’m sorry about all that mess. It’s uhhh...difficult for me to cope with it, but we’re going on a suicide mission tomorrow.”

She snickered to herself. “Oh yeah?”

He chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I know. Turns out our boss isn’t a great negotiator. But look, I do not want this to be sublte anymore--”

“Then don’t be.”

Moxxie did a double take and looked down on the bed, picking the sheet and fidgeting with it. “Okay. I just want to talk about it--”

“We already did.”

“I know, but--”

“A dozen times.”

Moxxie squinted in disbelief. “I thought you were drunk?”

Millie then raised herself out of the bed. “Yeah, me too. Sweetie, I don’t know what the heck I drank, but it went away way too fast…”

“I’m starting to think you didn’t even drink.”

That’s when Millie paused. She never even had any alcohol in her system. She sang and danced in front of Blitzo, asked two thugs the directions to the bathroom, and walked into a wall. All of these shenanigans were done consciously. 

Except she didn’t even feel like they were done consciously.

========

Both the bartender and Millie looked at each other for an uncomfortably long time as the imp slowly thought to what poison she was going to pick for tonight. That’s when she finally settled on a broad answer. “Just give me somethin’ that’ll make me forget today happened. Thanks hun.”

The dragon nodded and walked back over to the alcohol. Without a pause to think of what to get her, he took out a large stained glass bottle with a cool color scheme. He came back and placed it on the counter. Afterwards, he looked at Blitzo and cocked his head forward slightly. “My condolences.”

Once the bartender turned around, he shook his head in disbelief as he walked down the area. “These fucking idiots will believe anything I bring them.” He took another bottle with him. 

SLEEPING POTION  
SIDE EFFECT: NAUSEA, DIZZINESS, NERVOUS TENSION, TEMPORARY DEMENTIA

=======

“Well I guess I didn’t, I dunno.”

Moxxie then pulled the sheets closer and put an arm around her. He closed his eyes.

“I’m just gonna go to sleep. Sorry about today. Love you, honey.”

She yawned and laid down right next to Moxxie. He smiled as he felt her presence. 

“Love you too, baby.” Millie leaned over by an inch and kissed him on the forehead.


	14. Telekinetic Tussle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit. Here comes the real challenge for the gang. Can you say, “S on Ya Chest”? But seriously, tho. We need as much help as we can, man.

The merciless wind blew throughout the city, the heavy rain came pouring hard on every brave soulless creature that dared step foot outside. Imp City was facing horrid weather conditions, and it didn’t seem like it will stop anytime soon. During all this madness, civilians and killers alike were not just blown away by the strong winds. Rumors have been spreading all across town, with many speculating that the shocking murders of the Hue Bros (the dark red and lavender demons) inside the Funky Chicken Night Club were committed by a feeble imp. Not only was the entire city generating plenty of buzz over the allegations, but there was a lot of coverage inside Pentagram City. Understandably, they were not as happy as those residing in Imp City.

When 666 News did a story on the killings, the news empire invited the Hue Bros over to discuss their own deaths after last night’s altercation. While she was internally infuriated with the killings, she did her best to put on a happy face and properly interview the two thugs, who were idols to many.

“It was fuckin’ dumb, man. I could have shot that little shit easily. He just happened to pull a quickie on me when I turned around and got distracted by this hot chick’s enormous bust.” The lavender demon was pulling excuses on how he got sidetracked and stabbed to death by the imp. 

The dark red demon nodded slightly with a visibly upset frown. He pointed to his brother with his thumb. “What he said. Dude got lucky.”

Katie Killjoy dragged her chair right next to the two and put an arm around them. “And just who is this mysterious killer, and what can we do for you fine gentlemen to finish the business? Because I think I can speak for all of Hell when I say we are going to CRUSH THIS LITTLE FUCKER AND SQUEEZE THE JELLO OUT OF HIS BODY!” She went on a violent rant near the end that caused the brothers to back their heads away and look on with horror.

They took a long time, but the lavender demon finally replied. “Um...I don’t remember. He was such a nobody that we didn’t bother tryna’ get his bitch ass name.”

\----------

“Hey Stolas, I’m moving to the City of Dis. I can’t stay here at all.” 

He turned to the owl, who was reading a book on the staircase with a dark morning robe on. After a long period of silence, Stolas looked up and replied. “I tried to warn you, Blitzy. It’s a rule of thumb for imps, and yet you have convinced yourself that you stand above those two.”

Blitzo raised his eyebrow as he bent over to roll down his pant sleeves. “The hell is that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m superior in any way?”

Stolas replied with a laugh in the form of a huff, closed the book, and placed it on his lap. “I’ll be frank with you, dear, I do not believe you should have killed those ruffians. Although I find immense pleasure in having you by my side, the royal side of me cannot help but wince at the thought of a world where an imp is superior to the lowest of demons. Because you’re no--”

Blitzo stood back up and put a hand out. He was signaling the prince to stop talking. Stolas’ pupils dilated, and his eyes grew terrifyingly red as they twitched. The reaction threw Blitzo off and caused him to gulp. He put his hand back down and rubbed his arm. “I’m sorry. It just feels like a kick in the balls when you say this shit to me.”

“Well what do you want me to do, my soldier? Lie to you?” Stolas’ legs were crossed.

The imp sighed. “No...Thank you for being honest with me at least.”

Stolas grinned. “You’re welcome, and hey, maybe when you come back from work, you can help feed me with those BIG. FAT. JUICY BA--”

Blitzo did a full 360 in a split second and hurried out. “Okay, bye! I gotta go!”

\----------

The boss shut the door behind him and closed the blinds. Moxxie sat there with his arms crossed, while Millie already started strapping herself with bullets and a rifle. Blitzo stuck his hands out once he was done closing all the blinds. “Alright, gang. You guys already know what we are doing today, and let me just say this…” They both sat there and leaned over in anticipation.

“Don’t believe the media. I’m not a fucking hero. Those two dumbasses shot themselves. End of story.”

Moxxie fixed his bowtie and took the cutlass out of his bag. Blitzo’s eyes were fixated on his employee, expecting a snarky response or an instant rejection.

“Got anything wise to say, Moxxie?”

Nothing. He focused on ensuring the blade was kept durable for the mission. The lack of response hit Blitzo harder than a usual refutation from his weapons expert.

He turned to Millie. “You okay, now? No hangover?” She shrugged. “I was never even drunk to begin with, sir. Sorry…”

The boss just stood around as the couple were already preparing themselves for the worst. They had strap after strap, and were exchanging bags that contained miscellaneous things that not even their boss knew about.

“W-W-Where’d you get tha—“

Moxxie stood up and swung the blade in a circle. Blitzo screamed and braced himself for impact, but it turns out the imp was just stylishly putting his cutlass back into the holster. “Come on, time is precious. Honey, you got the artillery?”

He turned to Millie, who reached into one of the bags in her new black utility belt and took out a couple of tiny pods. “Got em’ packed, sweetie!”

Moxxie nodded and walked towards the exit. “We’ll be waiting for you.” The line was directed towards Blitzo, but he didn’t even bother to call him sir once in that whole sentence.

The boss sat there silently and took a good look of the seat across the table. He could really use Loona’s support right now.

————

The three imps jumped out of the portal. They were all greeted by a light at the end of a dark hallway. There was some carpet and a few plant decorations to make the place seem a little lively. However, it was clear that this assignment would be anything but that. Blitzo took a couple of steps forward while the rest of the team followed.

The imp had a feeling that whatever was behind the door at the very end of the hall, it wouldn’t end pretty for them. He sped up a little.

The team heard a loud bang and the crackling of a fire. Smoke came out of the door. The gang all stopped dead in their tracks.

Then came the screams. After a couple of loud bangs, the room was completely quiet, and the production of smoke decreased.

Moxxie continued walking forward. He was now tip toeing and holding his cutlass close to him. 

Everybody got a few feet within the door. Millie gritted her teeth as she reached for the doorknob. She turned it a little and peeked her head in.

Suddenly, a fiery explosion bursted out of the door.

BOOM!

They were all launched back to the halfway point. Blitzo and Moxxie landed flat on their faces while Millie suddenly caught fire on her face. She started shrieking and tried to put the fire away with a few strong pats, but it did nothing. Her voice caused Moxxie to wake back up and run over. He took his arm up and sprayed a gadget he had strapped to his arm, which put out the fire quickly. While the fire was gone, but what the imp saw was absolutely maddening.

Half of Millie’s face had been completely burnt out, leaving a pink mess on her right side. Half of her hair had burnt out too, along with her eyebrow and eyelash, and her right eyeball had slightly melted down to her side. The sight made Moxxie very nauseous, as he bent on one knee and put his head down. Nothing came out. Millie nudged him.

Petrified, he looked back up at Millie, who was still shaking in complete distress from the pain. Moxxie could barely even recognize her. She slowly raised her arm and pointed at him with a pained expression.

“G-G-Get yer’ ass back...up...”

That’s when a metal rod came in flying through the air...and pierced Moxxie in his stomach. Millie screamed and backed out hastily, with her hands on the floor behind her. The imp’s eyes grew wide as he slowly turned to Millie. Blood began pouring out of his mouth as he stared blankly, dropping the cutlass to the floor. Blitzo laid there behind them all, and he was absolutely shocked by the developments. The boss almost felt compelled to return back to Hell with his own life.

Then out of nowhere, Moxxie’s cutlass began hovering from the ground. It got higher and higher, catching the attention of the scarred Millie. In the span of a second, the blade bent at a 180 degree angle and was removed from the handle. It crumpled up into a ball of refined metal. 

The team heard footsteps. Moxxie looked down at his puncture wound, and got two hands on the rod. He shrieked as he slowly pulled it out of him. Millie put her hand over her mouth while Blitzo continued staring in absolute shock. 

Before they knew it, a stainless steel fan flew through the air and hit Moxxie straight across his face. The imp spat out blood and fell onto his side. He was knocked out. The two other imps gasped and turned to the room.

It was the target. 

He still had his eyepatch, his jumpsuit, and his head was still shaven. What nobody told Blitzo was the frame of the guy. He stood at a towering 7’1”, and had hands like a professional basketball player. The human and the imps shared a staredown, but Millie broke out of it quick and scooted forward to attend Moxxie. Still groaning from her horrific burn, she shook him to no avail.

The human broke the silence and caught the imps’ attention. “Don’t bother. None of you will make it out of here.”

Subsequently, his eyes shifted to the entrance and he proceeded to clench his fist.

The ceiling and the lights fell from above. Everything kept dropping onto the floor until the debris came close to Blitzo, who turned around and froze in horror. 

There was no way out.

Millie began snarling. She stood up and held up a semi-automatic rifle. Blitzo nervously followed and took out a simple handgun. He had very little time to prepare for this. The target did not appear to be intimidated. In fact, he held his fists tighter and stared with malice.

None of the imps knew what to do...which is why Millie acted on instinct. She was determined enough to pull the trigger. Bullets began spraying towards him. 

Then they stopped in mid-air

Her eyes widened.

“Oh fuck.”

With the thrust of his arm, he sent the bullets back flying.

And they struck Millie’s torso. She yelped and fell hard to the ground.

“MILLIE!” The boss yelled her employee’s name, and scrambled back onto the floor to see if she was okay. Blitzo held her face and was very anxious to see if she was okay. The imp, however, opened her eyes and cracked a slight smirk.

He looked down and saw that literally nothing punctured her stomach. The rest were blockaded by her bullet belt. The boss wiped the sweat from his forehead and laughed nervously.

“Oh thank Satan’s ass. For a second I thought---”

He was cut short by a scalpel that flew just past him. Blitzo looked to the target, who was still standing there blankly. He bent over and offered her his hand, lifting her back on her feet. After assisting his employee, he nodded. “Okay, so this bald-headed bastard can send back projectiles. We can’t afford to throw him anymore bones.”  
Millie followed up with a nod of her own. “Yep, we’re gonna need some cuttin’ to get this one done.” She sighed and pointed to the target with a scowl. “This one’s for Moxxie, you BITCH!” 

“Agreed.”

They took out their weapons. Millie had her axe with her, and Blitzo held a longsword of his own. It was time to get serious. 

“ATTACK!”

With the command of the boss, the duo both rushed for the kill. The target did not change his expression at all. 

Instead, he utilized his powers to get a hold of both their weapons. The strength of his telekinesis stopped them dead in their tracks, causing Millie to accidentally slam her forehead on the blade of the axe. Luckily, she had a little restraint that only resulted in a 3cm cut through. Unfortunately, it was more than enough to start the rush of blood coming down. They both began pushing back, trying to break out of the man’s hold, but it was as easy as wrestling a bear. That’s when Millie reached for a pod from one of her bags and threw it up in the air. The target was startled by the object, and released the hold to focus on it. Millie quickly turned around and dragged Blitzo with him. They both fell to the ground as the object exploded and was just barely caught by the human. The fireball that he was trying to hold back was covering his vision, allowing both imps to arrive from each side and take a swing at him.

While Millie missed and tripped as a result of her uncontrollable rage (as well as her right eye being melted), Blitzo swung his sword down and stabbed him right in the shoulder. The blade stopped after a few inches, and it caused the target to shriek and push him back. Unfortunately, the blade was still stuck in his body, so it remained still while its unholy wielder flew to the wall. Right after Millie got up, she rushed towards him and charged a swing. However, the telekinetic male got a hold of her and kept her steady. Frozen still, Millie watched on as the target cracked his knuckles. He proceeded to throw a hard jab against her sides, forcing the air out of her lungs. She gasped and winced from the pain. Another jab. Then another. The imp groaned loudly after the third, and turned to the fireball that was kept still. 

She let go of her weapon and ducked to avoid another jab. From there, Millie ran towards him and grabbed him around his torso. With her legs, she drove him back and sent him into the fireball. The energy from the explosion was finally released, and it once again sent the imp back into the isolated room. Smoke began fogging the area as she scooted herself back to keep her distance. Suddenly, she felt something mushy. Millie looked down and was caught off guard by the fact that she was sitting right in front of the rotting corpse of a hospital worker with his head crushed in. There was a hammer right next to where his body was, so it was reasonable to assume he sent that one flying as well.

She stood back up once she saw that the smoke cleared and the man was laying down in defeat. The upper half of his jumpsuit basically burned off, and his head appeared to have been left scarred by the explosion, just like Millie’s right side.

Then he slowly raised himself up.

And so did Blitzo, who was squinting his eyes and moaning from the aching pain on the back of his head. The trauma that he received from the collision made him feel uneasy.

The target turned to Millie. He was left bleeding with a couple bruises and a significant burned area around his left cheek and nose. However, it wasn’t as bad as the powerhouse herself. 

She couldn’t help but ask, even if they were intending to kill each other. “Yer’ powers, how are they even possible?”

The target cracked his neck and glanced down at his wiggling fingers.

“I have questions about you freaks too, but to answer your question, they put...things in me. I told em’ I had nothing to live for and they were hella’ keen on playing around with my body. That didn’t work out well for them. You can see behind you.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I saw.”

He breathed in and exhaled. “A lot of people... want me dead. A lot of people were also killed along the way, so I’m sorry to break the news to you, but you ain’t coming back alive, especially with the shit you just did to my face.”

Millie sighed.

“We were never alive.”

Then she picked up her axe from the floor and slowly approached the menace. She spun her axe around and gripped the handle hard. There was no way she was going to back down, especially after she had him on the ropes.

Before she can make her next move, there was a zip coming from behind. The target quickly turned around, but unfortunately, it was too late for him.

A two sided harpoon went through the body of the target, causing him to react violently and sending him into a state of shock. Then, the harpoon was jerked back and landed on the floor, leaving the target with literally no escape. He continued to shriek and move crazily, fighting back the severe pain of the steel slicing through his spine like butter and leaving red broken skin hanging from around the puncture with blood squirting out. 

It was Moxxie. He was hunched over and was still putting his hand over his own wound. The imp carried a discomforted look as he still held the crossbow close.

Millie gleamed at the sight of her husband. He turned to her for a second, but coldly turned her away and refocused on the target. He still held the crossbow on one hand, but he dug into his jacket to take out a machete.

The imp walked over and came up from behind on the target, who was still screaming at the top of his lungs. 

“You put up a respectable fight, but you are not going to ruin this for us. We’re taking your head and the money.”

Millie and Blitzo looked dumbfounded by the complete snub of his own wife. It seemed like Moxxie was fixated on seeking retribution for endangering the potential of the company from this contract.

Moxxie put the machete to the side of his head and gave him a bloody toothed smile. “You tried.”

Then he thrusted and stabbed the machete into his brain…  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Or so he thought.

Instead, the blade was held back once more, and the target halted his screaming. Instead, he started seething and slowly turned his head down to the imp. He was absolutely furious. Then he threw his head back and let out an empowering scream while the ceiling and the entirety of the hospital began rumbling like crazy. Blitzo started slipping and fell to the floor, while Millie latched herself onto the wall.

The entire building collapsed.

————

The three imps laid there with multiple scratches and nasty bruises. Blitzo was the first to open his eyes.

The boss raised his upper body up and looked around in shock. They had just fallen along with the building, and yet he was still alive. Blitzo’s attention was instantly caught when he heard rumbling underneath a pile of rubble.

A gloved hand emerged. It was Millie, who was gasping for fresh air. Her burnt face was now dried out and covered in dust, giving her a more gruesome and distinguished look. She turned around and grabbed another hand. Moxxie’s hand. Millie pulled him out and slowly rested him onto the floor. Blitzo stood up and walked towards them. 

“Ohhhh mama, you guys alright?”

The freckled imp slowly opened his eyes.

Then his face was overtaken by absolute grimace.

“We lost our man…”

His eyes remained locked after a little while, then his shock turned into immense anger as the imp punched through the concrete slab underneath them and left a serious dent.


	15. The Token

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I.M.P done fucked up! How are they gonna get their guy this time around!?
> 
> Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie lovingly have hot steamy one on one action packed winner take all chest pounding heart wrenching tear jerking forehead wiping ARGUING.
> 
> ...yep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is hands down one of my most favorite chapters that I have ever written. For the second half, you will notice that there will be a completely different writing format than usual. Lots of dialogue and a lot to unravel in today’s chapter.

After recuperating themselves back in Hell with the help of a few bullets to the head, the entire team was back in the briefing room, trying to make sense of the situation that had just developed. Moxxie took a deep breath, trying his best to calm his nerves after jeopardizing yet another contract and a handsome reward. Blitzo was marching left and right around the area by the door, trying to come up with a way to inform their most intimidating client yet. Just the thought of even talking to him over the phone was enough to send chills down the imp’s spine. As for Millie, she was just as disappointed in herself as her husband was. The poor imp had half of her face burnt off, and yet she put up a better fight than most people would against a telekinetic experiment that was literally twice her size. Still, she had multiple chances to finish what she started, and unfortunately her last opportunity was cut short.

Blitzo put a finger to his lower lip. “What if we told him the guy learned how to fly?”

Moxxie responded with a deeper voice than usual. “That’s not enough of an excuse, sir. He would not buy that, and above all, he still expects us to terminate the target.”

“Hmm...good point. BUT, what if--”

“No ‘what ifs’. We failed our mission. Best bet is to ask him for more time on the contract.”

“Goddamnit, throw me a bone, Moxxie! Can you think of anything else!?”

The weapons specialist groaned and got out of his seat. He walked up to the whiteboard and took a marker of his own out from his pocket. He drew two big words that extended all the way across for the two imps to see. The end result received a depressing head shake from Millie while Blitzo stood there expressionless.

It read: “WE’RE FUCKED”

Millie rubbed her face and looked back up. “Well thank ya’ for tellin’ us that, dear, but it’s no help right now…”

Blitzo put his hands to his face and screamed right into them. After muffling his internal pain, he looked back to Moxxie as if nothing happened.

“I have a fucking phone call to make.”

\----------

“Oh, that’s a shame.” 

The call was being held in Blitzo’s office, where the boss sat himself down on his chair with his legs on the desk. The Cowboy Demon did not sound angry, but he did not sound too pleased either. However, the absence of a pause or a change of tone made Blitzo a little more optimistic about how this call would end. Regardless, he tugged on his collar.

“Sooooo...do we wanna...um...extend the contract maybe? Just one or two days?”

There was a silence on the other end. 

Blitzo sat there in anticipation.

\----------

The door to Blitzo’s office swung open. Moxxie and Millie awaited by the door, holding each other’s hand hoping that their lives wouldn’t be at risk. Their boss came out and joyously clasped his hands together. 

“Well that’s that! We have two whole ass days to fix up our fuck ups! We can start right now by tracking down that sunuva bitch! Moxxie, give us the jist!”

Moxxie fixed his bowtie and cleared his throat. He looked down and put his fingers on his chin. “Sir, there are two ways in which we can track our target. We did not plant trackers or any additional devices on him, so that door has already closed. The second way in which we can track him is through partaking in a blood ritual, but in order to track him, we need a trace of his own blood, and the only blood we got out of him was from the harpoon, but that’s gone…” 

Blitzo raised an eyebrow. “Um...does that mean that door is closed too?” Moxxie sighed. “I’m pretty certain. Well, unless he spilt blood on his way out…”

The three exchanged looks then hastily turned back around and headed for the ritual room. They were sure that the man was still out there, and if he was still bleeding from his wounds, which they were very sure of, then they have a good chance of recovering his red discharge...

\----------

...unless first responders and police were at the scene first…

They peeked from behind the gate outside and looked on as the police began talking amongst themselves on how such an unfortunate thing could happen. While the ward was closed off and isolated from the public, there were still very improbable reports called in. 

Blitzo shook his head. “Fuck my ass.”

\----------

“Oh gosh, we’re really fucked…” Millie glanced up to his boss in sadness, who took Moxxie’s spot and decided to comfort her during this time. 

Moxxie frantically barged back into the briefing room with an easel and a whiteboard of his own. He spat the cap of the marker from his mouth and proceeded to write on it. He started off with an illustration of the man’s head. “So, we have our target here. He had no known alias, and unfortunately, we were not clever enough to search the premises for any clues because he caught us all off guard. No worries…”

He then drew up a line that connected to the underlined words “POSSIBLE DESTINATIONS”.

“We have to think of where our target may be. First, we need to look at motives.” The imp walked back and forth. “All we know about this target is that he has killed many others before those hospital workers, according to him. We also know that there were multiple attempts at his life long before us. He is casually aware that he is living life on the edge. The question is, why was he so unphased by our appearances?”

Blitzo nodded. “Because we’re not the first mofos from Hell to take a shot at him. We might not even be the first imps. Baldy read us pretty easily. It’s like we were fighting a second time.”

Moxxie pointed at his boss. “Correct. He’s seen our kind before. When the Cowboy Demon approached you, you told me that the target had alleged powers, right?”

The boss nodded a second time. That’s when Moxxie sat on the table and perched over.

“So why would the target have ‘alleged’ powers if he’s seen us before? He killed someone, or some people, but they never returned to confirm. Their disappearances did not even reach the overlords in Hell, and they are pretty efficient in dispersing information. This first hitman...lacked prestige...resources...and networks...Just like your typical imp. Someone has taken this job before, and the Cowboy Demon doesn’t know it.”

Blitzo shrugged. “Yeah?”

Moxxie put the marker by his cheek. “So where would a person who has seen imps before, had multiple hits on him in the past, and has known that he is a popular target go? We know he’ll be headed off the grid, yes, but just where? Keep in mind our portal took us to Duluth, Minnesota…”

Millie thought about it for a while, then she got up and headed towards a cabinet. She pulled out the second one and scrolled through the folders.

“Mills, the hell are you doing?”

She remained focused on searching for something. There were multiple dividers with abbreviations of all the countries on Earth. “Just gimme a sec, chief.” After a little bit of searching, she gasped and took out a folded paper from section USA. 

Then she unfolded it and continued unfolding it. The paper stretched very long and was now down to her feet. She grabbed it by the top edge and rested it onto the table. It was a map of the United States. Blitzo and Moxxie got closer to the map and had their eyes settled on Minnesota along with Millie.

The boss’ eyes widened. “Oh shit! There’s a national forest that’s like 80 miles away.”

Moxxie kept focus. “Two. Finland and Superior. I’m more intrigued by the fact that there’s an equally elusive area by the creek. Lots of area space there. There’s also a lot of water bodies here…Fuck.”

He turned to Blitzo. “Excuse me for my language, sir.”

The boss smirked and patted his back. “Excuse granted, bud.”

Millie caught both of their attention. “Boys, I don’t wanna be a downer here, but there are a lot of places where he can hide. I think I know where he might wanna go, though. When me and Mox were chased out of the Blood Bay by those imp-hating locals during our honeymoon--”

“Don’t remind me--”

She hushed him, which caught her husband by surprise. “--we came up with a pretty dandy plan of running through the woods and trying to cross the Circle with no jurisdiction to stop us…”

Blitzo thought about it for a little more. “So what you’re saying is that he’s cross-”

“He’s crossin’ the border, sir. Pretty darn sure of it…”

Moxxie snapped his fingers. “He’s going to need a reference to help him along the way. I think he’s going to take Highway--”

“Sixty-one?” 

“Yes, honey. He’s gonna need a lotta miles to get there though. Can’t see the man walkin’ his way into---”

Moxxie slapped his hands together and rushed out of the room. Blitzo and Millie looked at each other and shrugged together. They sat down waiting for the imp to arrive with his big discovery. After seven excruciating minutes, it all made sense once he came back with a police radio scanner, but it was equally nerve-wracking to see him covered in blood with a machete on one hand.

“Sorry, I had to take this opportunity to take this from them. The drive from Duluth to the border is approximately three hours, correct?”

Blitzo looked at the map and confirmed. “Yeah, it says three hours there alright.”

Moxxie glanced down at his scanner. “I left the portal open to keep the frequencies up. There hasn’t been reports of a stolen vehicle, which I firmly believe the target will use to get himself through the border. The question is whether or not he’s out there healing his wounds. 

The team would continue to brainstorm for another two hours. At that time, they still had not heard anything at all. It looked like “Baldy” was waiting for the right time.

\----------

Moxxie shook his head whilst sitting next to his wife.

Millie turned to him, and so the games began.

“What’s wrong, Mox?”

“Eh, nothing, really. It’s just that...this job has been getting really stressful lately. I haven’t really had time to...you know.”

“Heh, that’s just life, sweetie. You know that those big scary music execs can wait, right?”

“Well I don’t want to wait any longer. I’ve been improving myself lately. I personally feel like I have a grand shot at it, you know? If this whole killing thing doesn’t pan out, which seems likelier by the day, I feel very confident on our fallback.”

“...What do you mean by likelier? And our fallback?”

“Yeah, it’s just that we’ve never faced pressure like this before. There really is no other way to put it. We’ve been servicing overlords now. Multiple overlords. Like, from one to about thirty. That is a lot of pressure.”

“Well you can’t say it’s getting likelier, hun. We’ve been 14 of 15. We just had our hardest contract today, but we can still finish it tomorrow.”

“Millie, you know pretty well that we have another contract to complete tomorrow. And another after that. And another. Are you aware that we’re just establishing an enormous snowball for ourselves to get buried under?”

“Snowball? Come on, Mox, be serious. We ain’t goin’ to allow that. Even with Loona gone---”

“See, that’s the problem. We need Loona. We don’t need to encourage her to take a vacation in the middle of our most important month of work! If we had her here with us right now, this wouldn’t have happened! We can’t do anything with just the three of us!”

“Hm, you really think so, huh?”

“Um, yes!”

“With all due respect, dear, you were knocked out. I had to fend for myself the whole time, and it wasn’t pretty. I coulda got the job done, Mox.”

“I know that, Mills! I know! But why are we acting like everything is okay!?”

“We’re not! Maybe you’re just bein’ too darn worrisome about everything! Calm dow—“

“And just why is all the blame sent towards me? You know we’ve been taking it way too easy! That…”boss” has been taking it way too easy.”

“Oh, don’t be like that—“

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Have you actually paid attention to how much of a burden he is whenever we go out on missions? Wagging that little blade of his and refusing to prepare for the biggest gold mine this company has ever seen, and you’re too worried about me being ‘like that’!?”

“Mox—“

“I can’t even live a single day without feeling so miserable because of that lazy bastard. Every hour that goes by. Every excruciating MINUTE where I have to share the same room with him!”

“Mox—“

“You and Loona think I’m SO CRAZY for standing up to that big red asshole! You know what is crazy!? Thinking that—“

“—that everything is alright?”

“...”

“In that case, I apologize for bein’ crazy, if that’s what you want.”

“...”

“Seriously, I love ya’, Mox, but please put a lid on it.”

“Why should I?”

“Look at yer’ clothes, yer’ house...look at me. This all wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for the boss’ sacrifices. He looks at us like family, so you should too.

“Oh yeah? Well news flash, we are still NOT a family. And sacrifices? Sacrificing what? A sixth of the time where he prances around like a useless idiot to take his job seriously?”

“Calm down, Mox. He gave up everythin’ just so he can find success of his own. His family, the high life, the servants, everythin’. Just so he can call himself a self-made imp in a risky town like this one.”

“He abandoned his family.”

“Because they were going to abandon HIM! They did not treat him like family, they treated him like garbage!”

“...Wow.”

“What?”

“Why don’t you go blow him while you’re at it?”

...

...

...

...

“Fuck you.”

“No, Millie, I-I didn’t mean to-to—please come back here! Millie. Millie! Look, I’m sorry. I’m being aggressive again, I know. We don’t have to talk about it...Millie?”

…

…

“Listen. You can slap me across the face, kick me in my crotch, burn me alive, I don’t care. Just please...talk to me.”

“...You think you control me, do you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not stupid, Mox. I’ve been nothin’ but nice since we moved together the day we met. Even when you talked down on me and tried to keep me on a leash whenever we had meetings, I still give you all my lovin’.”

“I-I-I...Honey,—”

“Don’t you ‘honey’ me, you conniving son of a bitch.”

“Ugh. Okay, fair enough, but look, you know deep down inside that I’m right. If we took a better approach on how to handle this, we could have finished all these contracts with days left to spare. Isn’t it fair to point out that on almost every one, we’ve all stalled together with the supervision of our boss?”

“...I guess. I just wish you can stop bein’ so damn rude. I’m not yer’ bitch. I don’t have to abide by everythin’ ya’ say, and I’m not going to be doin’ that anymore.”

“I know. I’ve been treating you wrong. I’m so sorry for being a complete ass. It’s just that we can be doing so much together. We could literally do anything else out there and any second can be an opportunity to have it all. This is a lost cause.”

“We already have it all. We have millions of dollars, Mox. We have so many weapons stashed inside our house. What more could you want?”

“I-I don’t know. I guess...I just want to move back.”

“Move back?”

“Yeah.”

“Move back, like ‘going back to the hills’ kinda back?”

“Yeah. Look, we met each other and married each other in this very city. I get it. You’re very emotionally attached to this place, and rightfully so. But if we don’t prepare for what's about to come, or what may come, we may never have another chance to do it again. That’s why I have to do this now and only now. They’re running out of room. If we finish it by the end of the month, we’re going. If we completely fuck this up by the end of the month, we’re going. Hey, you’ll never know. Maybe you’ll like it there. You’ll never have to worry about serving anyone ever again. We’ll be safe. You’ll be safe. Our family will be safe...You’ll thank me years from now, I guarantee it.”

“You can’t. We can’t. We had this discussion before, sweetie. Whether you like it or not, Blitzo is our boss, and it won’t be fair to him if we abandon him like this. Once we finish what we started, then we can start thinkin’ about it.

“We’re not abandoning him. We’re just...planning ahead.”

“Well I don’t want to move to the hills until the job is done. 

“We‘ll finish it, but I just need a bit of time beforehand. Hey, do you know when Loona is coming back?”

“Like at noon…wait what are you doing?”

…

“Moxxieee! Where are you going?”

…

“(fuck)”

…

“Moxxie, what is the meaning of—“

…

…

…

“What the hell is that?”

“Millie, listen—“

“No, you listen to ME. What. The. Blue. Hell. Is. That!?”

“I need you to stay calm. Whatever you do, don’t make this room louder than it has to be.”

“*huffs* Alright. Fine. Let me ask again, what is that on your hand?”

“You already know what this is. I’m going to take it with me.”

“The hell you are! Mox, don’t do this…”

“It’s the only way we’ll ever be happy.”

“We’re ALREADY HAPPY HERE! I’M HAPPY HERE! EVER BOTHERED ASKING WHAT THE FUCK I WANT!?”

“Shh!!!”

(angry puffing)

“Trust me.”

“Fine.”

“Thank you Mills, thank you. I promise you, this will—“

(gun cocks)

“...Millie?”

“You have til’ the count’a three to get out of here before I change my mind and snatch that thing out of your cold dead hands…”

(runs towards window)

“One.”

(opens window)

“Two.”

(struggles to wiggle out)

…

(turns around) “M-M-Millie?”

…

...

“...J-Just be safe out there. Don’t do anythin’ stupid, please…”

“...Okay. I love you. I love you to death.”

And the couple blew each other a kiss. However, Millie had to tell him one last crucial thing before he leaves her yet again. She turned to the window.

“Mox, wait. I needa tell you somethin’.”

It was too late. Moxxie departed and Millie stood there with her head down. She sighed and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

She walked back into the living room and had her eyes settled on today’s package. The couple had a security system involving a turret hidden in the front yard, so there had to be a corpse or two outside from oncoming thieves trying to steal it. Moxxie never even asked what the package was. He never even acknowledged its presence because he was too focused on wanting to change things around.

Millie opened it. 

——————

Moxxie left the car behind the house. He insisted on taking transit instead, knowing that Millie would need it for work tomorrow. The imp left no instructions for her, knowing that she already knew what to do in his absence.

The only items he took with him were his wallet, his house key, and his headphones. And of course...the thing that made his wife want to kill him, hidden in his backpack. Not a single dagger, bullet, or gun hidden underneath his jacket, leaving him at his most vulnerable.

After a long sigh, he turned to a familiar face next to him. She was whistling and minding her own business. Her cheeks were flushed red and her body was pale white. Golden locks of hair came down beyond her shoulder.

The demon looked down at him and waved with a nervous smile.

“Hi there! Uh, I just got back from a public speaking arrangement. I don’t know if I succeeded, but I just wanted to ask...are you thinking about um...rehabilitation?”

Moxxie paused. After a short time, he shook his head.

“I’m fine, thank you.” 

“Oh, very well then. It was worth a try.”

She turned back forward and rubbed her arm, minding her own business. Then the imp turned back to her.

“Hey, if you ever get a chance, can you tell your father I said hi? I haven’t heard from him in weeks.”

The demon raised an eyebrow. “Y-You mean Lucifer?”

Casually, he replied. “Yes. I assume you are the infamous Charlie Magne?”

“Yeah...that’s me. The infamous one…”

…

“I’ll see what I can do.”

She turned the other way and stared out the window.

Moxxie shrugged and put the headphones to his ears. From there, he decided to take a quick nap as the soothing sounds of the hip-hop track made its way into his cranium.

https://youtu.be/2x32fOW-AF0

“I'm just sitting in the studio just trying to get to you baby   
But this song so fucking dope, girl it's hard for me not to play it   
To tell the truth, wish it was you in this booth that I was blazin'   
So I'm just sitting in the studio just trying to get to you baby…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was something. Just what did Moxxie take with him? And just where is he going? How will things go the day after? Find out in the next chapter!


	16. 10-74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The disrespect on Blitzo is real. Tear face emoji. Eyes emoji.

“What!?”

Millie hung her head down in a pretentious sense of sadness. “He’s gone...I don’t know where he is…”

The boss slapped himself into a facepalm. “Fucking shit. Fuck, fuck, fffffucckk. Mills, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you know where he might be?”

She shook her head. “Not a single clue! We were talkin’ for a bit and I went to another room. Once I came back, he was gone!”

“Did he say anything?”

Millie shrugged. “The last thing he told me was that things were just fine.” It was very uncomfortable for the imp to lie to her own boss. However, she could hardly ever control what Moxxie does. Her husband was always persistent, and would go beyond anyone’s hopes to get what he wants. That would soon change though, because once he comes back, Millie will be owed a LOT. 

“Well shit. What the hell...are we gonna do now?” Suddenly, the door to the briefing room was open slightly. The two imps gasped and turned around, taking out their handguns and pointing them towards it.

“Woah woah woah, calm the fuck down! It’s me, assholes!” 

Blitzo’s eyes widened as he gasped, while Millie lowered her weapon with a scowl. 

It was Loona. She came back with her casual “work attire” with her phone in her hand like absolutely nothing changed within the last couple of days.

The boss ran up to the hound and hugged her around her neck. Loona’s eyebrows lowered, but then she felt oddly comforted by the embrace of her owner. It’s been a long time since she has felt that, and after her work-intensive trip with Shrapnel, she needed that.

Once he let go of her, he cleared his throat and put his hands behind his back. “So, how was the trip, my pup? Seems like you bailed a little earlier than expected. You crazy kids caused any trouble? Maybe even had some troubleeee? Wink wink nudge nudge?”

Loona groaned after Blitzo’s last second zinger. He had that stupid smirk on his face.

“No. We didn’t even do shit because all the wanksters we were supposed to shoo away either did not care enough to even challenge our territory or they pussied out because of the incident.”

The imp was utterly confused. “Huh? What incident?”

“Some fucking moron shot a few demons at a night club, and now he’s getting sucked off by this whole town just because he’s an imp.”

Blitzo’s face turned blank. His quick reaction made Loona pause. “Umm...can I be frank with you, Loonie?” The two shared a long awkward pause.

“Oh don’t fucking tell me…”

\-----------------

And as the boss got his final word in, Loona shook her head in disapproval while Millie sat across with an observant face. At the same time, she was on alert for any additional questions about Moxxie.

“...and all three of us got the fuck up out of the place.”

Blitzo stopped talking and held his hands out, offering the floor to the hound.

“First of all, the fact that you decided to spill the beans on this big contract inside a nightclub, which is quite LITERALLY the most vulnerable spot in this fucked up town, is just flat out dumb.”

The imp nodded. “Okay, I guess we could have talked things over at Taco Hell or something--” Before he can even begin his justification, Loona interrupted him abruptly. “Second of all, you said $20 million? And you guys screwed the pooch?”

“Heh, like how you screwed the pooch? The pooch is Shrapne--”

“No no no, you don’t get to do that. Don’t you wisecrack your way out of this one. You fucked up the most expensive contract we’ve ever been offered? Okay, let me move on before I tear this GODDAMN table apart. Thirdly, and rightfully last, you killed TWO demons and left with a sea of witnesses?”

After careful observation and some thinking, Millie stood up in support of her superior. “Hey hey hey, I know we’re all just dyin’ right now with all this murder and all these contracts, but our boss is a town hero right now, and I wouldn’t worry about anyone in the club snitchin’, especially when they owe him big time. Now are we all here gon’ act like a buncha kiddies, or are we gon’ go to war and get back what is ours?”

Blitzo was visibly confused. Not even ten minutes ago, they were just discussing Moxxie’s disappearance, and what’s really sketchy about this heartfelt speech she made on the spot was that she looked very unaffected by the absence of her beloved husband. Moxxie and Millie were inseparable. Why would she act so enthusiastically at such a disheartening time? Meanwhile, Loona turned her head. “Huh?”

The powerhouse of the team continued with her rant. “We have a plan to get that supervillain sunuva’ bitch and the twenty mil. He’s gon’ cross the border very soon, once we get a report for a stolen ca--”

A faint voice could be heard on the radio transmission, causing everyone in the room to jerk their heads towards the device.

~~10-74, I REPEAT, 10-74. WE HAVE A REPORT OF AUTO THEFT AROUND THE LARSMONT AREA. A BLUE 2005 HONDA CIVIC. I REPEAT, A BLUE 2005 HONDA CIVIC~~

They all looked at each other. Larsmont was just north of Duluth, where the team encountered the After a little time, Blitzo gleamed and banged his fist on the table. “Alright, ladies! Time for some asskicking!”

And they all hopped out of the seats and came rushing out of the room. Blitzo and Loona ran alongside each other and headed down to the gun range with Millie, where all the new weapons were located. Now that they are more familiar with the apparent capabilities of the target, they decided to make their careful selection on their weapons.

\-----------------

Millie and Loona sat together on an unpopulated grassy area just right in front of a border. Both of them had a few smoke grenades to throw off the target. The imp had her trusty axe which was upgraded with a brass wrap to increase the mass of the weapon, making it more difficult for the target to use his telekinetic powers on it. Meanwhile the hound had a ZKZM-500 Laser Rifle that did not shoot any projectiles whatsoever. Only a destructive laser that can burn through clothes and skin.

The two stared off into the distance as the grey skies began building up. After a while, Loona broke the silence.

“So, where’s Baby Dick?”

Millie groaned. “Ya’ know, you can take your stick out your ass and try talkin’ shit about someone who is actually here.”

Loona nodded sarcastically. “I’m real fucking scared. I’ll keep that in mind. Anyways, can you answer my question?”

No response. The hound got fed up. “Damn, this place is just dry today, and I’m not talking about this shithole. Did absolutely nothing happen while I was gone?”

Millie shrugged. “I guess ya’ can say that. I’d say differently, but hey, you’re Daddy’s Girl, and everything that Daddy’s Girl says is true.”

“Wow, you seem very upset today.”

The imp finally made eye contact with Loona. “Hmm, ya’ think? I have an idea, how about we both stop talkin’ and focus on gettin’ this boy.”

The two stopped staring at each other and once again drifted off and turned forward. This long stare into the skies only took about 13 seconds.

“So how’s Shraps doin’? She a keeper?”

Loona chuckled. “Yeah, she’s a helluva girl. No rivals around the area meant more time to ourselves, and I think we both learned a lot from each other.”

Millie further interrogated her co-worker. “Well, if she is gonna get less work and more time with you, what’s the problem with the incident? Looks like everybody decided to be scared of imps now that they’re a developin’ breed of killers.”

“Well let’s get something straight. You watch way too much Fucx News. It’s not that they are genuinely scared of imps now that they know you guys can fend for yourselves, it’s that they are brewing something right now.” The hound continued playing around with her laser rifle.

The imp hummed, confirming the helpfulness of the clarification. “What do you think they’re doin’?”

“Obviously they’re going to plan a joint raid on the city now that they are competition. Right now, they feel like it’s now or never for them.”

“Ya’ think this’ll slow our contracts?”

“Oh of course. We may not even be able to keep all our clients. Imps aren’t a liability anymore.”

Millie paused, and then put her hand on Loona’s. The hound was disgusted at first, but then was strangely moved by the feeling of her small hand.

“Do you ever feel like everythin’ is happenin’ at once?

“Yeah?” Loona had no idea where Millie was going with this, considering that she was not present for most of the time.

“Can I be honest?”

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t wanna stop workin’ here for anythin’. Even if that means the whole world is gon’ be against us, then so be it.”

Loona nodded slightly, still left without a clue. “Well...that’s the spirit?” The imp was getting a little peeved by Loona’s lack of listening skills, but she appreciated the fact that the hound was trying hard to comprehend the massive amount of baggage she has been carrying as of late. She felt that she can open up now.

“Ya’ know, is it okay if I let you in on a lil’ secret? Just promise me you’ll keep it.” 

Loona shrugged. “Um, okay?” Millie took a short breath and put her hands out. “Moxxie is tryin’ to move us back to the hills.” 

That wasn’t really a shock, let alone something that could provoke a reaction out of Loona, so she made sure the imp was aware. “...Okay? I-Is that something we should worry about?” Millie tapped her fingers together and chuckled nervously. “Yeeeeaah, um, we were just thinkin’...about preparin’ in case things go south, ya’ know?”

The hound raised an eyebrow. “In case things go south. Huh. So you’re going to ditch us?”

Then Millie scooted back and shook her hands. “No no no, that’s not what I’m tryin’ to do--”

“So it’s just the same stupid shit that Moxxie is going to do.

“...I guess so?”

Loona crossed her arms and stared into Millie’s non-existent soul, making her feel very tense. After a couple of excruciating seconds, the hound turned her body towards the opposite direction.

“Well fine then. I was actually looking forward to learning more from him, but fuck, I guess I can’t get that either. Jesus Christ.”

Millie turned to her. “Didn’t you already have a buncha time with that flame o’ yours?”

Silence. Loona looked up to the grey skies.  
“Me and her are in a fight right now…”

“Oh...I’m sorry to hear that, darlin’. I-Is that why you came back?”

Loona’s expression remained unchanged. However, Millie could tell there was serious pain behind there, but the hound did not want to express any insecurity.

“Yeah. It’s been a fucked up couple of days. I was hoping things would be a lot more chirpy.”

Sympathetic, Millie put her arm around her. “This is Hell. You ain’t got nobody around here but the ones closest to ya’.” 

Loona couldn’t help but smile. However, she shuddered out of nowhere, prompting Millie to question her bodily reaction.

“Woah, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Sorry, I just had a flashback to when me and Shrapnel were grabbing you by your limbs while we ate out both your—-“

Millie stopped her there with a burst of laughter. “WOAAAAH! We don’t gotta talk about that night.”

“Yeah, I know. Your arm just felt...weird. All I remember from that night was that you’re a fucking freak, and Moxxie…”

Millie smirked. “Oh, ya’ mean baby dick? Yeah, tell me all about how baby dick made you scream your head off…”

Loona laughed while lightly shoving Millie’s shoulder. “Shut up!”

While the two were discussing the night they all went to dinner, the transmission came in.

~~MILLIE! LOONA! I MISSED THE FUCKING SHOT! HE’S HEADING OUT FAST! GO GET THE BASTARD!~~

Millie’s eyes grew wide. She clapped her hands together and got a hold of her grenade launcher. With a lot of force, she reloaded it and had it ready for a shot. The imp turned to the woods next to the state route and remained focused on that spot. Loona followed and had her laser rifle close to her. 

“So this is it, huh? The boogeyman?”

“Yes ma'am. He’s a damn roach.”

Loona smirked. “Well it can’t be worse than that big shitshow I was in this week.”

They stood there patiently.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Then they heard a zoom. It was the car, and it bursted right out of the woods. Millie and Loona had their finger on their weapons’ triggers…

...and they both fired at the same time.

The laser and the grenade were released from their respective guns. Both made it to the car and made a direct impact. The vehicle exploded into a ball of flames…  
The imp and the hound cheered and ran to the wreckage. They hurried through the plains and took hasty breaths as they were rushing to ensure they just killed their $20M target. However, at some point in their run, they both stopped at the same time and dropped their jaws in awe.

The look on their faces when they saw that the car was empty was indescribable. 

It was even worse when they crept up with their weapons close and peaked into the interior of the car. The gas pedal was being pressed down with a cylinder block that was most likely left there.

None of them knew what to do.


	17. The Hills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moxxie goes on a one-way trip to Outback Steakhouse. Nothing special. He enjoyed the bread and butter that came for free. Really great appetizer. After a while, mans really had the audacity to ask for a caesar salad in a goddamn steakhouse and strawberry lemonade. I don’t understand these cats, man. You either get the steak or you screw off to some other Fugazi ass place. You’re supposed to leave that place with a lil’ A1 sauce dripped on your shirt. It’s the rule of thumb.
> 
> You probably think this whole summary is a joke. Although it is, I’m making it canon now, and there is no way you can stop me.

The bus came to a screeching halt right below the grand staircase that led to the neighborhood in the Hills, where a currently sleeping Moxxie was raised for most of his childhood.

His loud snoring caused the bus driver to come out from his seat and slapped him hard across the face. Moxxie’s eyes opened wide as he repeatedly shifted his head left to right trying to remember where he was.

“Hey Sleeping Beauty, naps over bub. Get the fuck out.”

Moxxie opened his eyes halfway, but was too tired to come up with a response of his own. He wanted to flip him off and blow his brains out, but he had quite literally no heat to pack. All he could do is concede for this asshole of a bus driver and avoid trying to add more to the conversation of imps versus demons.

“What are you, deaf?”

The imp grabbed his backpack and stood up, finding himself just a couple of inches below the plump driver’s glare. Reluctantly, he walked around him and left the bus. Once he climbed down the stairs, he looked around in sincere disgust by the scenery of the gold plated walls and the golden statues and the golden leafed trees with their golden apples. The best title to describe this place is probably “Heaven in Hell”. Only problem is, this place was far from angelic. On the inside, it was an endless struggle for a higher extent of power, with participants ranging from multi billionaire drug lords to porn actors. No matter who it was, as long as you were rich, you had an equal shot to take over the Hills.

As Moxxie walked across the cobblestone, he contemplated just how many steps his child will take on these detailed floors about thirty years from now. He felt that he and Millie will probably have moved on to the next big thing, and will hopefully be renowned for their ability to kill based on current trends. It was a painful transition, even for Moxxie, but whatever happens by the end of the month, he was ready to finally move back in to the place that chewed him up and spat him out. He was no longer the clueless baby fish left to swim in the ocean. He has matured now. 

Moxxie gazed at the post-modern white houses on his left. Tall and grandiose, the architecture of these beauties can be best defined as sharp and wild. Lots of windows and patios to make the mansions pop. He then turned to the grassy area on his right. Local millionaires having a formal picnic with the addition of a full-blown fencing session, their elegantly crafted towels stained with crimson blood, and other fine-suited overlords playing a game of chess on multiple tables. Visibly, it was still less chaotic than Imp City and Pentagram City, which was a huge relief for the imp. What really sold him, however, was the delightful fact that the air was barely filled by quiet chatter and the clanking of fencing swords. Despite the violent nature of all who inhabit it, the Hills were actually quite peaceful.

He continued staring from a distance. This time, he had stopped walking forward and planted himself onto the edge of the park. 

The imp just wanted to appreciate the view a little more.

\--------------

Moxxie hiked up the trail and paused when he found it.

An enormous recreational center. Wooden tiles, white frames and an exterior almost entirely made up of windows and warm lighting. This looked like just about any recreational center on Earth. The problem is, it was practically deathcamp for Moxxie, where dreams and aspirations alike come to die. 

All because of one man.

[Hello, random intermission here. The rest of the chapter may be a little confusing here for all you new readers. See, this is all explained in Chapter 4 of my prequel fanfic, “How We Met”. You can click on the IMP collection and find it as Part 5. If you want to read it for some context here, go ahead. If not, that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t expect everything else after this part to make sense. Ok, I’m bouta shut up now. Enjoy the chapter!]

The imp scoffed and took a couple more steps forward. The entrance was right there, and there appeared to be nobody else around here. After a while, he thought to himself, “what the hell”. Moxxie resumed walking and stopped just a few inches from the door. Nothing posted on the door to ensure him whether the rec center was open or not. Nevertheless, he was going in. 

Moxxie opened the door and was greeted by an empty hall. Nice beige tiles and an applewood reception desk in front of him surrounded by an array of exotic plants. The problem was, there was nobody behind the desk, and it appeared everything was shut off for the day. To no surprise, however, a giant door on his right was still left open. Moxxie shook his head. The intimidation of that entrance has spawned tons of trauma for him. From beatdowns by his despised instructor during rehearsals to near perfect performances rewarded with more beatdowns behind the curtain, it was all crushing for him to remember.

With a large gulp and a determined expression, he let himself right in. From there, he saw the stage that housed his biggest failures. A sea of red leather seats and a nice looking desk propped up in front of the stage…

...and somebody was sitting right behind it, scrambling through stacks of paper and leaving a stamp on a selected few. 

Moxxie squinted.  
It was him. The Instructor. He still had his black robe. His shitty goatee. His pathetic dumb fucking bald ass head---

Moxxie was drifting off again. He shook his head to get himself together and decided to take the steps down.

A creak followed. 

The Instructor instantly reacted frantically and fell out of his chair, with the papers flying out to the front. He grunted and with a great amount of struggle, he tried to get himself up. Moxxie was standing there, frozen in fear. Probably not the impression he wanted to make after so many years. 

After the Instructor got up, he turned to the rails and changed into a state of shock. He dropped the only sheet of paper he managed to catch from his hand and widened his eyes. 

“M-M-Moleshi?”

Moxxie was extremely confused. There was something odd about this Instructor. Usually, even the sight of the imp was more than enough to piss off the demon. Even his old name “Moleshi” was enough to cause the Instructor to throw a tantrum. This was different, however. He acted much more cowardly than usual.

The imp could only raise his hand up and make an awkward wave motion out of it. “Um, hi?”

An uncomfortable silence followed. Thankfully, the Instructor finally blinked and nodded his head. “Ah yes, I-I-I um...see that you’ve finally returned. W-What brings you here?”

Moxxie took his backpack out and plopped it onto the floor. He unzipped the large bag and took out a significant object. The same one that caused Millie to freak out last night. Once he got it out of the bag, the imp walked further down the aisle and handed it to the Instructor.

It was a golden token. One side displaying a flaming skull, while the other displayed a plain violin. 

The Instructor sighed. “I see. I’ll inform the…’head honchos’ up there, but you should expect a response by the end of the week.”

Moxxie nodded. “That seems about right.”

The two scratched their heads while avoiding eye contact. None of them really wanted to go back to talking about their ferocious past.

Then Moxxie took a deep breath.

“Okay, now that we have that out of the way, I need to ask you. What the hell happened to you?”

The Instructor jerked his head down to Moxxie. “Me? W-W-What do you mean?”

The imp shrugged. “Well, usually you’d scream down at me and threaten to rough me up. You don’t look like you’re in good shape.

“Well, I’ve been struggling all year with this next performance. So many delays. I feel like I have to clean house agai--”

“And whose fault is that?”

Another pause. Moxxie brought the cannonballs to the Hills this time, and it completely threw the instructor off guard.

“Come on, Moxxie. You can’t still be mad.”

“Yes I can, and I will. Excuse my language, but you really fucked me. You fucked me insanely, and now I am paying the repercussions because I trusted you.”

The Instructor put his hand to his face. “Moxxie, you need to understand that I--”

“That you were hard on me so I can be the best damn musician the Nine Circles of Hell has ever seen? Oh yeah, I could have made it out there. I could have been the one to pack places like these every day. So answer me this, why couldn’t I? Why couldn’t I have been the successful imp I was always meant to be? Look at me. I kill humans for a living now. I mindlessly shoot someone’s brains out and get paid insufficiently for it. I have a wife that works with me, and we can barely get by. Why did you fuck me? Why did you lie to the Nine Circles about me?”

The imp kept his composure. He did not look as upset as he should have been. Moxxie still wanted to prove himself the bigger man. The Instructor kept his hand to his face for a little longer until he turned his back on his former student and proceeded to make his way up the stage.

Once he got up, he raised his hands out of his robe and clapped twice. The looming red curtain slowly opened, and a line of robed creatures the same size as Moxxie were there to be introduced. On one hand, they had an instrument of their choice, ranging from the harmonica to the 5-string. On the other hand, however, they also possessed a melee weapon of their choice.

The teacher turned back around and pointed to the band of creatures. Something inside him had awakened, and caused a major shift in his tone. “This is your time to shine, bud. Just like we practiced in the old days, right? Show me you still got it, and maybe we’ll talk some more. Good luck.”

Without any hesitation, the imp walked over to the top of the stage and faced the first creature in line. 

“Dare eam!” Moxxie exclaimed in Latin.

In response, the creature took a step forward and handed his violin over. Moxxie grabbed the bow as well and positioned himself center, facing the audience that wasn’t even there. After taking a moment to gulp, he began playing.

Once the first note hit, the “creatures” all dropped their instruments and proceeded to rush Moxxie. They held their weapon up and were ready to take turns stabbing the player. Before any of them got to him, however, the imp did a full 360 and ran to the edge of the line, ramming the one who offered him and knocking the sharp kitchen knife out of his hand. Moxxie lowered himself and yoinked the blade from the floor. While he continued playing with no brakes in between, he faced the entire line and held his ground. Three of these creatures were tied for the lead for the race to the imp, and once they got close, Moxxie threw his kitchen knife up in the air, caught it with the butt facing the opposite direction, and swung at all three of them. The blade penetrated an unlucky crone through the head.

Instantly after the stab, the imp spun the other way and dodged the two weapons going straight for his head. As his hand continued using the bow, Moxxie remained square. Tactically, all the creatures surrounded the imp and kept him isolated in the corner. All of them crept up while Moxxie began playing the violin at a much faster rate. He was tense, knowing that this was not going to be easy to get out of. Before he knew it, every single one of them ran towards him and swung at the same time. Moxxie ducked and poked into two of one creature’s kneecaps. 

He tried rolling out of the circle, but one of them threw down a flail and the spiked ball landed right onto his violin, damaging the integrity and the structure of the instrument. However, it saved Moxxie from taking a devastating blow to his face. Another creature stabbed him right into his leg with a dagger. He yelped and tried to get back up, but another one struck him across the face with an oversized hammer and sent him flying back, blooded and bruised. Moxxie’s violin had already left his hand, but he crawled fast towards his instrument, grabbed the bow, and continued playing the song. Now he was completely defenseless, with nothing but a measly instrument and a kitchen knife. He has only taken out two of them. Six remained, and they did not look like they were going to be easy to beat. They stood together in a line and shook their weapons around at him, taunting the imp. Moxxie was heavily breathing, he could not conquer the performance, which meant he had to switch things up. Instead, he decided to throw the knife at one of the robed creatures, but the knife had missed by an astoundingly large distance. 

Moxxie was losing it right now, and was also completely weaponless against them. In desperation, he decided to drop the violin and shank forward with his bow, striking one of the creatures inside their eye and through the brain. 

While there was no reaction from the bow, the creature did fall backward and die, but none of the others stopped from advancing. They got closer and closer. Moxxie decided to try again, but the bow was slapped out by a longblade. After the successful defense, one creature dropped their weapon and grabbed Moxxie by his arm. He sent him down on the floor hard, causing the imp’s eyes to roll back. They all stood over him. 

After a shared nod, the one with the longblade swung down and severed the imp’s left arnoff.

He shrieked in pain and sat up in complete shock, getting a closer look at the major incision they had just inflicted upon them. Moxxie was left with no choice. With his remaining arm, he dug into his jeans and ripped something right out of his right hip. In a swift motion, he took out a handgun. Oh, did I say he didn’t bring any weapons with him? Yeah, that’s a goddamn lie. 

The imp loaded it quickly and shot one creature through the head. All of a sudden, the other creatures began yelling all at once, very displeased with the encroachment of the sacred rule. They got a tighter grip on their weapons and tried to all swing at once. Moxxie exclaimed and scooted right out of the death zone. He raised his handgun once again and headshot two of the creatures. Only two remained. They stood there in shock, trying to peek over to the curtain to see if the Instructor would even do a single thing to stop this obvious rule-breaking. Instead, Moxxie got back up and shot both of them as well.

The performance was over.

The imp continued breathing heavily, and once the adrenaline completely wore off, he fell down in immense pain and held his wound, trying to stop all of the blood squirting out of the socket. After the performance went wrong, the Instructor reappeared from the curtain and stepped forward right above Moxxie, clapping sarcastically.

“Congratulations, Moleshi. You have failed us all yet again.”

Moxxie sighed and tried standing up using his left arm, but he fell on the floor once again and injured his nose. He got himself back up and with another deep breath, he shot the Instructor in the foot.

“YOWW!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?”

The Instructor fell to his side and held his injured foot. Once he was down, the imp held him down aggressively and searched through his pockets with the Instructor trying to fight back. “H-HEY, DON’T YOU DARE--” Before he could finish, however, Moxxie swung hard at his face and caused him to stop while his conscious remained. The Instructor could do nothing but moan in pain. He also could not do anything to stop Moxxie from getting back his token. 

“F-F-Fuck you, you shifty cocksucker. I’ll d-do it myself.” He put the token on his pocket and once again held his wound while groaning. The Instructor finally came down to Earth (well, Hell, really) and looked on as Moxxie picked up his own arm with his only hand.

“Moleshi...”

The imp turned around with a world-shattering scowl on his face.

“I...didn’t mean to fuck up your career. The damn media pundits got to me and th-they—

“They what? Forced you to conceptualize and create that fabricated story? All the things that I did with you?”

The Instructor coughed while Moxxie’s back was still turned on him. “...yes. Look, I did not want to lose you. The fact that you went out there week by week killing it under my direction made me feel proud knowing that I at least did something productive in this shitty ass realm. But the bigwigs up all the way in the Hills were pulling me by my hair, and they forced me to do what I had to do…”

Moxxie looked down and clenched his fists. “But why? Why did you pull me out like that? Why did they think I was not good enough to do it? Why me? Why fucking me?”

The Instructor sighed.

“Because you’re an imp.”

The words struck Moxxie hard, and gave the ikp much more pain than the blade that literally cut his arm off and left him to bleed in agony.

“I don’t think it’s relevant. They did. They threatened me and the entire theater. I had to do what I had to do in order for the music to remain in the Hills!”

Moxxie walked forward and got down on his knees. He inspected one of the robed creatures that he just shot dead. Although they could respawn outside, potentially kill him and leave him with nothing left out of intense rage, he felt a great degree of remorse once he unhooded the creature.

It was an imp. A black haired woman with messy long hair and black horns. She looked eerily familiar to Millie, and it made Moxxie feel absolutely sick to his stomach.

“T-These are imps…”

He stood up and turned around. The Instructor looked him on with big pleading eyes. As a “parting gift”, Moxxie threw his severed arm at the Instructor and hit him hard across the head with it.

“Take it. Take it as a daily reminder that no demon nor any normal-sized bastard can play like this imp can play.”

The Instructor sighed. “I’m sorry Moxxie…”

The fact that the demon used his most recent name was more than enough for the imp to make his way to the exit.

—————

An easygoing demon in office attire and a brown toupee spun around his swivel chair towards Moxxie. “Okie dokie, so I got one golden token that will grant you room and board for the Hills for up to ten years.” 

Moxxie nodded. “That’s correct.” This time, he had both arms with him now. All it took was one private moment in an empty bathroom nearby and he was able to come back with all the possessions that he entered the Hills with.

The demon looked through the signed papers. “Alrighty then. And um...this is a completely optional question. I know this seems like rubbish to you, but we need to ask every time for our annual survey. I know. Surveys, yeesh. You understand, right? All I want to ask is how did you receive this token?”

Moxxie sighed. “Compensation.”

“Ah, I see. Okay. It says here you were wed a few years back. You bringing the missus along with you too?”

“Yeah...She nearly killed me when I showed her the token, though. She really doesn’t want to move.”

The demon chuckled. “Oh geez, buddy. I’ve been there before. Women...are very hard to please. But don’t worry, she’ll come around. You can bet’cher bottom buck.”

Moxxie laughed nervously.

—————

As the ‘night sky’ set in, Moxxie sat alone at the bus bench. There were still some wanderers out in the area doing obscurely rich overlord things, while the rest were out in the cities doing obscurely rich overlord things. Either way, this was the time frame for overlords to do obscurely rich overlord things.

Moxxie took out his wallet and additionally took out a photo of his wedding photo with Millie. He took a deep breath.

“And now, the end is near  
And so I face the final curtain  
My friend, I'll say it clear  
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain”

He looked up at the blood moon with determination.

“I've lived a life that's full  
I traveled each and every highway  
And more, much more than this  
I did it my way”

The imp jumped out of the bench and began strutting his way through the entrance of the Hills. With bystanders all around him, he hopped on a lamp post and held his hand out in enthusiasm.

“Regrets, I've had a few  
But then again, too few to mention  
I did what I had to do  
And saw it through without exemption  
I planned each charted course  
Each careful step along the byway  
And more, much more than this  
I did it my way”

A crowd of luxuriously dressed demons began forming around the lamp post, taking a gander at this mere imp making musical magic.

“Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew  
When I bit off more than I could chew  
But through it all, when there was doubt  
I ate it up and spit it out  
I faced it all, and I stood tall  
And did it my way!”

The crowd began chattering amongst each other, as Moxxie hopped out of the lamp post and made his way through the park, stopping periodically at various sights such as the koi pond underneath the bridge and the fiery blossoms.

“I've loved, I've laughed and cried  
I've had my fill, my share of losing  
And now, as tears subside  
I find it all so amusing  
To think I did all that  
And may I say, not in a shy way  
Oh, no, oh, no, not me  
I did it my way”

The crowd followed him wherever he’d go.

“For what is a man, what has he got?  
If not himself, then he has naught  
To say the things he truly feels  
And not the words of one who kneels  
The record shows I took the blows  
And did it my way!”

The crowd clapped as Moxxie’s eyes remained closed.

“Yes, I did it my way…”

Despite the general applause he got from the crowd, he departed and made a long walk back to the bus bench, to the surprise of everybody. No acknowledgement of the many overlords who gave him an honorable applause.

Moxxie was focused.

He was not going to stop moving forward.

And that begins with what could potentially be his final month in the I.M.P.


	18. Blitzo vs Moxxie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🦀🦀Moxxie bites Blitzo’s nuts! 🦀🦀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Before we start, I’d just like to point out that from now on, I will describe Blitzo as Blitz whenever he is being mentioned in quotations. I kept the whole name and assumed everybody would read it with the o being silent, but I feel this is much easier to read and probably much more satisfying. 
> 
> This chapter is another personal favorite of mine. By the way, that music video was amazing.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Fucking shoot me. Just fucking do it…”

Blitzo put his head on his desk and put the book to the portal on Loona’s lap as she sat across the boss. He expected her to say the killing chant, but she scoffed by the ridiculousness of the situation. This was one of the rare instances in which the I.M.P was unable to complete the job. There were only two cases in which this happened. Unfortunately, the ending to both stories were anti-climatic, as the company simply kept the money and left their clients pissed off more than before. However, there was really nothing they could do. After all, this company had more firepower than most of their old clients, which was composed of poor working class imps. The most oppressed group of imps in Hell. The problem is, this was an overlord. This was quite literally committing suicide in the afterlife. You piss off an overlord, and they might just use their power to kill you off completely and send you to the Unknown, where lost souls are kept after being sent away by a killing chant. Blitzo felt it was better for Loona to do this rather than the Cowboy Demon.

“Cut that shit out. Get your ass up, we have to own this.”

The imp shook his head. “Not a chance in Hell. Just say the words, Loonie. Just like we practiced. It was um...Mori mori mori….Vos...autumn nonviolence. Mori mori mori. Something something something. Mori mori mori. Delinquent in vacuum----”

The hound groaned. “You are fucking stupid. You’re really going to blow over the fact that we still have to complete today’s contract? Come on, man! At least call him or something!”

The Cowboy Demon. Even the indication of his name in sentence form was more than enough to make the boss feel sick to his stomach. The imp has been around long enough to hear the legends of what the overlord is capable of in Hell. Royally piss him off, and you may be killed 245 times over before being tortured to death in the living world. From what he could remember, it was much worse than that, and he did not want to be the select few to know that. 

“Him!? Are you fucking nuts? We’re going to lose our heads before the day is over! What do we fucking do!?”

The phone on Blitzo’s pocket rang. There was no way to describe the look on Loona’s face, other than, “you better fucking pick up this call before I claw your face open”.

He slowly reached down his pocket and had the phone right in his hands. A gulp traveled down from him. Especially when the phone displayed a No Caller ID box.

“H-H-Hello?”

Blitzo could hear a familiar voice whistling slowly, as if the caller was deliberately taunting him. “The I.M.P. Pardner, should I ask what the ‘I’ stands fer’?”

So much for a smooth start. “U-U-Ummm…I-I-I…”

“The ‘I’, stands fer’ immediate. Now ain’t that heartbreakin’?”

“Sir, w-we’re very sorry we couldn’t catch this guy. I-If you’d like, we—“

“We what?”

The sudden confrontation in the Cowboy Demon’s voice churned Blitzo’s stomach and sent chills down his spine. “W-We could t-target somebody else?”

All the Cowboy Demon could do to respond was scoff. “Blitz. Buddy. This man ain’t just some hooha you can just leave roamin’ the living world. Doesn’t make ya’ wanna sleep soundly at night, now does it? No no no, ya’ seem to be forgettin’ the severity of the situation right now. Wanna get some more time on the target? Go ahead, big hoss. But I must warn ya’, my boys will start pressin’ yer’ team.”

The line cut out. Blitzo’s forehead was sweating like crazy while his hands trembled from the news that they will now be physically pressured to get the job done. It was nearing midnight, and there was still no sign of Moxxie. That latter part made its way into the boss’ head.

He turned to Loona. “Uhm…I could really use a plan right now. We really need Mox on this one.”

Loona thought to herself. She had a nice interaction with Millie and even had more respect for her after the second botched attempt at taking the telekinetic target down. They’ve met each other when she was sixteen and still left in the constraints of her undersized owner, and not once did they both carry a conversation together like that. In times of adversity, it seemed like the team was really coming together. There was mutual respect now between all members, and there was a stronger reliance on one another now that their lives could potentially be at stake, along with the company. Had it not been for the witnesses being tight-lipped, they could also be potentially fighting for the reputation of Imp City as well, knowing that this multi-million dollar target is becoming a hot commodity in the fiery pits of Hell. Above all that, though, she was genuinely glad she could finally interact with Millie better…

...which is why this was going to hurt.

Loona finally gave in. She still appeared very conflicted. “Blitz, there’s something you may wanna know.”

————

Thirty minutes later, a large bus came to a screeching halt as it stopped right in front of the I.M.P headquarters. Moxxie was back, and he put on a brave face for his return. In addition, he kept his gun by his pocket now that he was back in the city. 

He didn’t see it, but the curtains to the window next to the door were suddenly closed shut. Blitzo and Loona barged right outside, with Millie following them in pursuit. She was trying desperately to get them to come back. “Just wait a damn minute! He ain’t goin’ anywhere, sir! Sir! It’s not what you thi--”

Loona turned her head to Millie and shook it as if she deeply regretted her decision, which she sort of did. “Sorry, we need to make sure he’s fighting for us.” Millie was not further comforted by the fact that Blitzo cracked his fist just by clenching it hard. 

Moxxie walked out of the bus and instantly spotted his team members on the spot. He gave a big smile and waved at them, seeing how Millie was there walking with them. However, his smile faded when he noticed a consistent pattern amongst the three killers. None of them appeared to be happy to see him.

Blitzo was fuming when he reached Moxxie. Once he was a few feet within the imp, he took a deep breath and put his hands together. “Mox, be straight with me. Are you trying to leave us here?” All Moxxie could do was look around as if he hadn’t had the slightest clue. “Sir, where did you even hear that? I’m right here, and I’m ready to get back to work.”

“Loona told me everything. You don’t have hope for us. You don’t have hope for me or her. You don’t have hope for this whole goddamn family. All you care about is yourself and your stupid ass penthouse. You’re really going to run away when we’re at our most desperate?”

Moxxie slowly glanced up at Blitzo, who was right on his face. “You know we can’t finish this one. I’m just...making a Plan B for me and Millie. Is it really that bad to look after my ACTUAL family!? To look after my wife?”

“This is your fucking family, you little shit. You fight alongside your family or you get the fuck out with nobody to look after you.” Moxxie turned to Millie, who shook her head at him. She tried to tell her husband, but he just wouldn’t listen to her. “Oh, like you know anything about family! The only candidate that can start a family with you owns you like you’re a personal sex slave!” 

The boss chuckled to himself.

Then he slapped Moxxie across the face. The hand was swift and hard, catching Moxxie by surprise with a pulse of great pain striking his cheek. He instantly held it with his hand, looking back over to his angry boss in an expression of shock.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me that way, you conniving son of a bitch.”

Oh, the irony. The same line Millie had used in her exchange with Moxxie. It was the last time the couple saw each other, and all it did was give her bad memories of that day. While the slap hurt Moxxie significantly, it hurt Blitzo much more to do this to one of his employees. Although no regulation in Hell prevented him from inflicting physical harm to his own, he’s always tried his best to keep it from ending up that way.

At the same time, Moxxie was only inciting him with every word that came out of his mouth. “Y-You just slapped me…” He was now just as furious as Blitzo, whose eyes widened from the look of his employee. “I told you what would happen if you put your hands on me, didn’t I?” Moxxie threw the gun far behind him and rolled up a sleeve. Blitzo looked worried, but as a part of his tough guy act, he scoffed hesitantly and crossed his arms. He looked up as a way to avoid eye contact. “Hey now, you are the one that is lying to your superior. Now, I need you to stay right here with us or I will--I--I am--”

Moxxie’s hands were both in a claw. They shook uncontrollably as his pent up rage got the best of him. “Or what!?” Blitzo paused. “Or...I will get really mad at you…” Loona facepalmed, while Millie was just baffled by the fact that the man she has worked for is trying so desperately to pussy out of a fight. 

“I’ve witnessed the downfall of my musical career. I’ve killed so many people, women and children. I’ve put up with your shit all my life with nobody to be there to help me whatsoever. You think I give a FUCK IF YOU’RE GOING TO GET REALLY MAD AT ME!?” 

Blitzo was in for it now.

Moxxie then ran up towards the boss and tried to shove him down. Luckily for Blitzo, the short stature of his employee prevented him from even falling. However, he was still sent a few feet back. And on top of that, he was now forced to fight his own employee despite the looming fact that he confronted him first.

He decided the logical move was to shove Moxxie back. Blitzo’s only experience in fighting was in the circus when he was bullied by Tilla. He also had some scraps with his younger sister Barbie Wire, but it hardly ever ended well for him. The difference between this and his fights with his siblings is that he actually had a size advantage for once. With his strength, he sent the imp further back. So much so, that Moxxie nearly tripped on the sidewalk. However, he regained his balance instantly.

The employee shrieked, ran up to him with the speed of a cheetah, and clocked his own boss right across the face. That punch sent Blitzo to the ground, and would have made Moxxie prone to five pink slips. Instead, the boss slowly got himself off the sidewalk, still feeling the effects of the punch. He shook himself around and got into an unorthodox stance.

Moxxie ran up to Blitzo again. This time, both imps grappled each other and wrestled all the way down to the floor. Blitzo got on top of Moxxie and charged for a punch, but Moxxie wouldn’t let go of his boss’ hand. He finally let go when Blitzo headbutted him down to the ground, nearly giving him a concussion. 

In the midst of all the action, Millie and Loona were nowhere to be seen. They already decided shortly before that they both had enough of this tussle, so they both went back inside. Moxxie felt uneasy from his head getting slammed, and it didn’t help that Blitzo directly punched him right in the nose. The force of his boss’ fist was enough to make him bleed nasally. Right when Blitzo was ready to take another swing, Moxxie flipped him back and now the two imps were laying on their sides. Both of them got up and they once again got in their stances. Moxxie was still shaky from losing the first scuffle, but he refused to give this one up. For him, this fight was years in the making. 

Blitzo ran up first, and was looking to tackle Moxxie and take him back down. Instead, his employee logically read him and smashed Blitzo’s nose open with a knee. The boss came crashing down on the sidewalk and landed on the already bloodied face. He was slow to get up, and he was never able to, because Moxxie was smart enough to kick his boss when he was down. After a couple of hard kicks to his ribs, the imp stopped inflicting damage and took a few steps back to give him some breathing room. He held his nose, as did Blitzo.

“You...better stay down. Don’t do something you’ll regret…”

Sadly, reason was never something that the boss considered. Instead, he got right back up into his stance and with his fingers, signaled Moxxie to come right at him. What he did not expect, however, was for the imp to go low. They both were once again on the floor, trying to get on top of the other. 

And then Moxxie decided to do the unthinkable. He sank his teeth…

...right into the groin area of Blitzo.

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” 

The scream emitted from the boss was enough to catch the attention of anyone within a three mile radius. That was just how loud he was, and for good reason too. As Moxxie wiped his mouth, Blitzo was foaming at the mouth while holding his injured testicle. A little more force, and he could have bursted it right open. If this is uncomfortable for you, just remember you clicked on this story. The bite may have been a little too far, and it even made Moxxie reconsider his own actions. As an act of sympathy, he walked up and got on one knee. He wanted to check on his practically neutered opponent and ensure he can still keep his job.

“Sir?”

Big mistake.

Blitzo pulled a can of pepper spray from his pocket and got the poor imp right in his eyes. The area around Moxxie’s eyes began to turn purple as his eyes got even redder. Bloody marks also formed around his nose.

“AHHH! SON OF A--”

Moxxie continued shrieking as he shook uncontrollably and rolled around the floor like a crying toddler. He held his eyes tightly, becoming blinded and absolutely irritated. This was the perfect opportuntiy for Blitzo to pounce. He got back on his feet and tried to take another step, but instead he fell back down and held his testicle again once he realized the hard way that walking wouldn’t be the same for anybody who got bit in that area. Both of them were now screaming on the sidewalk in their own space. The long anticipated fight was so pathetic that none of the bystanders that were unfortunately around the scene at the time wanted to stare at it for too long. 

After the screams calmed down a little, both imps were groggy to get up, but they were once again at their stance. It was not sharp, but it was still a stance. Moxxie still couldn’t see, so he waited for Blitzo to come at him, and so he did. The boss marched up to the imp and was going to punch him square in the eyes, but Moxxie correctly calculated his move and avoided the fist. He then reached his arms up and grabbed Blitzo by his neck and put him in a hold. He struggled as he felt himself fade within Moxxie’s grip. Desperately, he sunk his fangs into the hands of his fellow employee, and even drew blood out of them. Moxxie screamed and tried looking down at the damage. 

Blitzo got down on all fours and struggled to catch his breath. The combination of the testicular pain and his breathing problem was enough to make him projectile vomit over a couple of feet in front of him. He coughed up a little excess and fell flat. Meanwhile, Moxxie sat down, not knowing at all where he was even seated. However, he didn’t hear Blitzo make any more advances, so he took it as a tie.

Of course, they both still remained very persistent. They both slowly got up for what would unknowingly be the last time. When they both decided to run up on each other, Blitzo was running at a limp, while Moxxie was running the other way. For no particular reason, they both dove high at the same time and fell on hard concrete.

Neither of them moved. A puddle of blood formed around both of them. 

————

Sometime after the tragedy that was that fight, Blitzo and Moxxie woke up in their own bloody mess. Neither of them seem to mind that they both just passed out in their own blood. Instead, they slowly got back on their feet while groaning. They looked at each other.

Blitzo shook his head.

“I think...we should stop.”

Still drowsy from the action, Moxxie gave a half nod and walked towards the entrance of the building. He plopped himself down and leaned back on the wall next to the door. Blitzo followed, except he sat down on the opposite wall. They were both separated by the front door of the company’s headquarters.

Moxxie sighed. “I was furious, sir. You always treated me like I am deplorable all these years. I am more than just an angry mouth. I have expertise, knowledge that has really helped this company. I just want to be the best at something, and I feel like...I don’t know...like maybe you’re limiting me from my full potential.”

Blitzo’s eyes widened. A quote from himself said it all.

==========

“This is your fucking family, you little shit. You fight alongside your family or you get the fuck out with nobody to look after you.”

==========

Looking back at when it was said not long ago, Blitzo was seriously uncomfortable from the fact that he sounded exactly like his older sister. Raised in an abusive circus, he was pressured to follow the family business. He too, was treated like garbage, even when it was his own family. That was a serious problem that Blitzo did not tolerate. He wanted to be the supportive sibling that he never got to be, and he felt it can be started with this company. Instead, he was only doing the exact same thing that Tilla used to do, and he did not want to end up like Tilla at all. 

He looked back at Moxxie. “You’re right. I’m...really sorry about that. If my own employee is looking to abandon me when times are tough, I can’t really blame anyone other than me. I guess I’ve been too hard on you lately.”

Moxxie nodded as he looked off into the distance. “I just wish I can do it all again. I had a future in music up there, you know?” Blitzo thought to himself. “Yeah. I don’t know if this is some controversial shit I am about to spit, but I’m going to do it anyway. I may have acted like an asshole to you, but at least I didn’t tear everything you worked hard for...and I will never do that, I can promise you that.”

Strange. Moxxie was just reminded of the first day he was here. He told his boss about the entire story, how the Instructor purposely sent Moxxie down a trap door during the biggest performance of his life, how he injured his legs and deliberately used his sideline injury as an excuse to release him, how he manipulated the story for the media to once again put another feeble imp to shame. It was all clear now. 

Blitzo was not the boss he wanted, but he was damn sure the boss he needed. 

No matter what, he was always there to complete the contracts with his own employees. Blitzo always got a piece of the action instead of sitting on his desk all day, waiting for the hirees to do the dirty work for him. He risked his own (after)life just like anybody else did. Moxxie made eye contact with Blitzo. “You’re a good boss...Blitz. The boss chuckled.

“I guess you can say I’m a...helluva boss.”

Moxxie shook his head whilst laughing. “Heh, I get it.”

“Yeah…”

They both shared another collective laugh, but before the conversation even continued, the door suddenly swung open as a frantic Millie and Loona grabbed each of them by their shoulder. Millie looked down at Moxxie and gave him a long kiss. This was something that he really missed while he was on his “business trip”. As for Loona, she simply slapped Blitzo across the face and grabbed him by the collar in excitement.

“Blitz! Get the fuck over here! We could still pull this motherfucker off! Come on! Come on!”

The boss tried to shove his own adoptive hound away from him. “Alright, alright, ALRIGHT! Fuck!”

————

The contract for today was the simple $4M offered during the briefing with the overlords. Not only did Millie and Loona have enough time to finish today’s contract, but they managed to negotiate with the Penguin Demon, asking that he provide them with a big favor rather than a monetary reward. 

A little known fact about overlords is that with enough will, they are able to track a target’s location for a few seconds using an ancient spell that is only accessible to Hell’s elite. However, the reason why this is not often used is because it can take a big toll on one’s body. The consequences of utilizing this spell are very mysterious, but luckily it is not fatal enough to change the Penguin Demon’s mind.

At first, it was hard for Blitzo to wrap his mind around it, but in hindsight, it was much better being rewarded with something that could not only help a lot to driving them toward the $40M reward from the Cowboy Demon, but it would also potentially save their bacon. Moxxie took a lot less time to accept it. He was all ready to go. 

With the exception of Moxxie, everybody else in the room were very much aware as to the looming danger that is the Cowboy Demon. It appears he hasn’t sent anybody in, and considering he is a very busy man, he is most likely going to start taking action no earlier than noon. Blitzo is aware of this due to Stolas always bringing it up before work. Overlords don’t get in the vengeance mood until after breakfast.

They were all ready to go into tomorrow. Most preferably very early.

“Alright, team. It’s been a long night. Loona, what time is it?”

Loona looked down at her phone. “Um, 9:28P.M.”

Record scratch. Crickets chirping.

They all seriously thought it was much later than usual. But 9:28PM? Everybody in the room already shared the same idea.

Considering this may be their most dangerous and expensive contract, it was worth splashing SOME of the money they got from Valentino. Blitzo smirked. He looked at Millie. She smirked. She slapped Moxxie’s keister and he smirked. He looked up at Loona and they both smirked.

One more party.


	19. Wanderlust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That shit was brazy, bro. Braziest barty I’ve ever been to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is The I.M.P’s longest chapter to date!

If buildings can bounce up and down, the headquarters of the I.M.P would probably reach the skies right now. The strobe lights on the third highest floor lit up the Imp City skyline, with skylights even being installed almost instantly after the group came to a unanimous decision to party it up for the night, with the entire city being invited over to partake in the festivities. Typically, the building was packed considering over 95% of the city’s population lived in poverty. Imps, the lower mantle of society, have all gathered together to have a good time in the most dreaded pits of hell. The only overlord who gave half a damn about what the company was doing was the Penguin Demon, but really, he was only coming to repay the favor that the two girls requested.

Inside the building were ten floors. All ten of those floors were taken up by a bunch of imps who set up their own distinguished party. However, for the sake of consistency, Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona were all located in the briefing room while the book was locked up in Blitzo’s office.

While windows were being shattered and drunken beings of Hell were retching all over the floors, the group were having a private party of their own.

They all sang together to the song blaring from the speaker they just installed for the room.

“You're in love with something bigger than love  
You believe in something stronger than trust  
Wanderluuuuuuuuu-uuuu-uuuust!  
Wanderluuuuuuuuu-uuuu-uuuust!”

After the chorus, Moxxie and Millie continued salsa dancing, while Loona threw another bottle of tequila across the room and onto a wall. Blitzo walked out of the room and opened the door to a flood of people casually dancing and exchanging conversations with one another.

“HEY!”

Everybody outside of the briefing room stopped dead in their tracks. The boss smirked and reached for his back pocket. He pulled out a brick and threw it right into the center of the room where hardly anybody occupied the space. 

“Don’t forget to get coked up nice!”

The crowd cheered and rushed for the brick. They all fought together as they ripped the package open like animals. Everybody tried to get a whiff, so they exchanged blows upon one another and even tried to tear each other's guts out. As the fighting progressed, more blood spilled out onto the floor. Blitzo threw four more bricks that were stashed below the whiteboard to feed the violent woodfire that was the houseguests and their crave for mid-tier cocaine.

He shut the door again and kneeled down next to Loona, who was staring out the window. He put an arm around her neck and irritated her with his annoying laugh.

“Oh why so glum, chum? You’re on your sixth drink, Loonie.” She grunted and scooted away from her owner. “Just fuck off already and leave me be.”

Blitzo kept forgetting to remind himself that Loona’s mood swings can come around the corner anytime, especially when alcohol is the catalyst. He turned to Millie and Moxxie, but they just responded with a collective shrug. To be fair, he was not going to be any dryer than his hound. After all, Blitzo promised himself that he would take the whole party to the roof and make a special announcement to the entire city. However, that would require a lot of booze in his system. He walked over to the mini fridge that they moved away from the lounge (for obvious reasons) and took out two large bottles of whiskey. The boss popped the caps open and chugged both bottles to completion. Shortly afterwards, he received a call by none other than HIM.

He picked up the phone as he tried to recollect himself. “Uhmmm...Blitz.”

A familiar voice came from the other end. “Oh Blitzy, you naughty boy!”

“Huh? Mom?”

A sophisticated howl of laughter came none other than Stolas, who was naturally rolling around on his couch with nobody around to bother him. His voice remained soft but assertive. “I heard you were hosting a shindig over at your offices. You know, I find that to be terribly rude, my little pet. The imp I treasure the most, having another social gathering without inviting me.”

Blitzo tripped on the carpet when he tried to walk the other way around. He collapsed hard, but he still had his phone in his hand, so he extended his lips to ensure his voice would be heard because drunk Blitzo. 

“Oh, uh, you want to go to this party with me? It’s boring as HELL right now. These love birds are out here doing the hokey pokey, and I can only ration so much liquor in one mini fridge.”

Only a long sigh sufficed from the call. “I’ll see you there, Blitz.”

He hung up. Blitzo laid there dumbfounded. After another swig of a half-drunk bottle on the floor, he stood himself up and laid on the table to stare at the ceiling. 

While all the commotion was happening outside of the briefing room, Loona sat herself on her own chair that she moved towards the window. She sat there with melancholy in a bottle and a joint on another hand. 

Outside of the only female team member, Loona has been very secretive in her own “vacation” with Shrapnel. It ended up being much worse than she described to Millie. Not only did she kick the one person she thought she can trust out of her own apartment, but it was done in a very public manner. This all stemmed from a dumb little argument between the two. Shrapnel suggested that Loona return the favor and move back to Pentagram City with her now that Imp City is left desolate of other rival gangs. Her gang already had a stronghold on the southern region, meaning she was pretty much allowed to leave for the frontlines. However, Loona took the suggestion and twisted it as a demand for her to leave behind Blitzo and the company. The main basis of her argument was that things were going great for the I.M.P, so when she came back to the alarming news that the entire company along with its string of success may be in serious jeopardy, it put immense pressure on her. Now she had to complete this contract with literally no preparation thanks to Blitzo planting the idea of imps going rabid upon the heads of every rival. However, there was one thing that just came to her.

Moxxie still owes her those lessons.

After finishing up the rest of her drink, she threw it on the floor and kicked the chair away. Loona wiped some of the alcohol from her mouth and marched towards Moxxie, who was doing some sort of tap-dance with Millie. Once she was in a close enough range, the two imps stopped and looked at her with confusion read all over their faces.

The hound belched and put her hand on Moxxie’s shoulder. “You still need to teach me how to shoot, man.”

He sighed, but he understood that he brought it upon himself a week ago. He turned to Millie, being reminded of the time that he taught his own wife how to shoot. Of course, it was back when she was a new employee and she needed to make up for the lack of experience on firearms.

“Okay. Let’s just gather our things and hope we don’t get trampled out there.”

Millie tittered through her nose, while Loona yawned and headed for the door. Before the three all left that door, Blitzo stopped staring into space and got up. “Hey wait wait wait, where are you all going? We haven’t even gotten to the ‘games” yet!”

Moxxie stopped dead in his tracks and physically cringed, while Millie put a hand to his arm. They did not want to be reminded of the “games” that their own boss planned for the night, but they also did not want to put their boss down too hard, so Millie put on a brave face. “Oh, the games? Yeah, don’t you worry, sir! We just gotta give Loona some pointers, but we’ll be back in time!”

Blitzo did not buy it. “Pointers? Didn’t that girlfriend of hers already teach Loona how to do the double twis--”

The door slammed shut. The boss was left there alone in the room, with absolutely nobody there to share the many obscure things he bought with his money in record time. Nevertheless, he had to entertain himself, so he walked over to the storage closet in the back and took out a stack of cards. Along with those stack of cards, he took out a few more bottles of whiskey and a shot cup. 

Blitzo laid everything out on the floor and sat down. Wiggling his fingers, he grabbed the first card and went “Ah!”, as if he was ready to indulge in a very luxurious meal.

“Hmm, let’s see here. Never have I ever...had a one night stand.” The boss cackled like a villain and looked around the empty room. “Oh boy, I’m sure neither of you younglings have to take a shot. Huh? What was that, Loona? You think so? Well, I highly doubt you two were a one night thing. Let’s be serious, sister. Who took control of that affair? You? Because if you ask me, I think I roughed up that feathered fuck pretty well. It was almost like he was asking for it. Well, he was asking for it, but that’s besides the point.

He poured the whiskey into the cup and drank it all. After that shot came another card.

“Alright. Never have I ever...murdered three people in one day. Huh. This one is very easy. You had those three guys I blew up at the military base. That was crazy. I mean...there may have been like what, a dozen of them? But you gotta give it to me, I really know my craft pretty well...if my craft is throwing cheaply made grenades that were deemed unsuitable for testing...Shit. Well what about you, Millie? I don’t know about you, you seem like you really hate squeezing the red jelly out of people. Heh heh. Moxxie? Oh, right. You killed a shitload of people when we had to go rescue you. I mean, I did help though. Can’t run a killing circus without the ringmaster...Poor choice of words, fuck.”

This was getting sad now.

He took another shot and a card.

“Never have I ever...carried out a successful bank heist. Well that’s not even fair. I’m a businessman, not some brainless crony whose only instinct is to kill, rape, and rob. Millie? You robbed any good banks in your heyday? Riiiiight...we’re all seriously doubting that, I mean wow. You’ve only been in a gang for like five years. Sarcasm! I’m just joking, Christ! No need to get all amped up, Mills! Moxxie, control your woman! Okay, okay. I’m just trying to set a mood, guys.”

Blitzo just took another card.

“Never have I ever...killed a famous celebrity. Yeah, that’s a real doozy. I mean, it’s really hard to remember the time you killed someone famous. Let me dig deep. Ha! I did kill this one guy in an alleyway a couple of years back. Emmett Kelly. He stole a lot of shit from us, so I had to ACCK, ya’ know what I’m sayin’? Okay, me and Barbie had to kill him. Of course, it’s hard to do anything when the other just finished it off with a bullet to his head. Nothing you can do about that. Nothing at all. Huh? Alright, Loona, alright. Yeah, I don’t know if you two heard me talk about this, but Loona here believes she killed DJ Screw with a stray bullet. Sounds bullshit to me. A stray bullet? Fat chance.”

The boss surveyed around the room, as he expected any reaction. He sighed to himself and took another card. This was starting to get dull for him very fast. Blitzo even forgot to take a shot.

“Well damn, you guys sure are the life of the party. Let’s get some more liquor in those systems, eh? Never have I ever...been married. Alright! Give it up for the two lovers! Bonnie and Clyde, I see you guys! Yep, savor that whiskey. Loona, I’m sorry to tell you this. You’re like *belch* three months short or something. Don’t grow up too fast, will ya’?”

Silence.

He didn’t know why, but that line made Blitzo realize that this may have been a ridiculous idea. He turned to the stack of cards and slapped them all over the floor. The boss took the two bottles of whiskey and chugged both of them down.

Big mistake.

Blitzo abruptly stopped himself and got on all fours, retching everywhere and even getting the cards into the mess. While he was busy throwing up his guts all over the briefing room, the window behind him opened. A shadowy figure snuck in and noticed the boss throwing up. For some strange reason, this mysterious person walked over to his aid. 

“Shit! Are you okay, Blitz?” 

The accent. Blitzo turned around as some of his puke hung down his mouth. It was Shrapnel, and she was in a much punkier attire than usual. It seemed like she had already planned to dress for a party, and it only made sense that she was going to crash it. For Blitzo, this was nowhere near obvious. 

“S-S-Shraps?” He gulped his own vomit as he continued to talk to her in some sort of slurred speech. “Are you here to play with us?” The hound’s eyebrows were both raised as she looked at the puke-covered cards spread on the floor.

“You were playing?”

“Well, yeah.”

Shrapnel thought to herself for a moment. She realized that not even she was mentally prepared to go through with her very ambitious plans to confront Loona. Instead, she was willing to think it over with Loona’s supposed father figure.

“Okay, so how does the game work?”

The boss chuckled to himself. “I-I just realized we don’t have anything to drink. FUCK!” The violent pulse caused Shrapnel to fall back and put her hands out as if she was being attacked. “Woah woah woah! Calm down, chico! It’s okay! Is there alcohol out there?” She pointed to the exit.

Blitzo nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll just go get the shits from there. You stay here and keep it chill, ight?”

He nodded. Again.

She walked towards the door and left it open. For some odd reason, the sounds of the partygoers were as soothing as the ocean for the drunken imp. Although everybody including himself doubted his skill, there was no doubt that he was successful despite the implications and the questions. These were his people, and they were drinking and (unlikely but bare with me) eating out of his hand. The same imp that was pushed around all his childhood and constantly asked to do something with his life was doing something with his life, and it was a very successful thing so far. 

Blitzo realized he should go out there. Sadly, he didn’t have the strength to go through with it, nor did he even have the strength to go through with that big announcement of his. Sure, the boss was seriously intoxicated, but he was no longer at that stage of drunkenness that elevates self-confidence. He was fully aware that he was an emotional mess, and he couldn’t bear to spill it all out by accident. Maybe with Shrapnel, things can change.

Speak of the devil, she’s back with a whole 24 pack of beer. The boss was prompted to ask. “Corona?”

“Oh, calmate. You tried this before?” He shook his head. “Well, this stuff is hella good. You get the limes, the salt, put all that shit together, and you got yourself a nice beer. It sounds good on paper, no?”

Blitzo gave a dumbfounded expression. “Wait, who the fuck drinks beer with lime?” Shrapnel cackled as she laid the pack onto the floor. She did keep her distance, however. The hound had on some nice black high tops. No way in hell was she going to ruin it with vomit. 

She sat criss cross next to the imp. They both looked at the cards. “Yeaaaah, you might wanna handle those instead, hombre.”

Blitzo agreed, and he took out one of the cards from the puddle. “Oh shit, I already did this one.” Shrapnel objected. “No wait, let’s do it anyway!” He sighed. “Never have I ever had a one night stand.”

The hound chuckled. “Well there was this one guy who had a lot of info on those vatos from the projects. But that’s when I was 13.”

Blitzo paused. “What the fuck?”

Despite the unexpected response, Shrapnel laughed it off and turned to him. “Well what about you? Any girls you got lucky to get with?” Blitzo shook his head. “Not even close. I had a one night stand with a prince. His name is Stolas. You probably know him.”

Out of all the options, Shrapnel did not expect that. “Oh...Damn, how is it that we’re both gay and we’re quick to assume---”

“---that it’s a girl? Dunno. We lived in a fucked up world, I guess.” Shrapnel cackled again. “Well yeah, tonto, we live in Hell. That’s the definition of a fucked up world right there.” As they both took a sip of their beers, another question entered the imp’s head. “Hey wait, I wanted to ask, and whatever you say, I will not react at all. I promise.”

The hound stopped herself from laughing and was once again fixated on this game. “Ight. Lemme hear it.”

“So, I was just wondering, and you seriously can’t blame me for this considering I weighed the other options of--”

“Just say it, man.”

“O-Outside of that one night that we all had, did you have...um…have another sexual…experience...with my…”

“Your daughter? Fuck yeah, we tore it up that whole week.” Blitzo’s gasp in the middle of that sentence turned into a loud hum as if he wanted her to stop talking.

“Mmmmmmooookay. I did not expect that whatsoever. Also, I wouldn’t exactly call her my daughter. I just happened to buy the runt of the litter and raised it myself. Okay, know what? Let’s get the next card here.” The hound rolled her eyes and cracked her neck. “I mean...what did you expect?”

The boss resumed with the next card. “Never have I ever...did doggystyle--OH COME ON.” Shrapnel clapped her hands and laughed. “HAHA! Yes, you already know it, suegro!” Blitzo shook his head. “No. No way in hell. Was it with that guy you were talking about?”

“Nope!”

“It was with Loo--”

“Yes, her!”

“B-But how did you--”

“Uh, hello? They sell strap-ons at--”

“Moving on! That’s the last sex related card I’m ever doing with you. Never have I ever...cried at the end of a movie. Oh, that’s easy. Die Hard. Terrorists should have won. There, I said it.”

Shrapnel sighed to herself. “Well me and Loons did watch that one junkie mov--”

“Wait, did you just call her Loons?”

The hound stopped and just decided to ignore the comment. “We watched that junkie movie together one night. Requiem For A Dream? Just made me remember how those bastards in Pentagram abducted my mom and electrocuted her. Shit sucked, y’heard?”

Blitzo paused. “Yeah, but it ain’t no Die Hard.”

She laughed to herself. “Yeah, shit ain’t no Die Hard.”

They both took a large swig of the Corona. Both of them made direct eye contact with each other and tried to drink more than the other. The imp, however, was already pretty intoxicated, so he spat out a lot of beer while Shrapnel slowly removed the bottle from her lips. 

“Fuck! You are one tough cookie, damnit. No wonder why Loona wanted to date you.”

A cloud of darkness came over Shrapnel, as her face turned blank.

“Um...Shraps?”

She shook her head and snapped out of the trance. “Huh!? Oh. Sorry ‘bout that, man. It’s just that…Did she tell you?” Blitzo sat there without even the slightest clue of what she was even referencing. “Tell me what? You guys are still dating, right?”

Shrapnel scratched the back of her head. “I-It’s complicated, suegro. We’re not...on the best of terms…” The fact that she implied it was complicated was more than enough for Blitzo to further interrogate her. “It’s complicated, huh? What’s the problem? She’s too much to handle?’

The hostility in his tone did strike Shrapnel internally, but she did her best to keep her cool. “No no, it ain’t that. It’s just that she overreacted because of something I said to her.” The boss crossed his arms whilst belching. “Well, it must have been some really fucked up shit if it meant your guys’ relationship was now complicated.”

“Man, all I said was that she should go with me to Pentagram City.”

He paused. “What!?”

“Yeah, I said that because the city ain’t changing hands anytime soon, I asked her if we should go to the PG, but she freaked out.”

Blitzo was visibly confused. “But why? If anything, she should be dying to leave this place.”

“That’s what I thought too! La pinche cabrona piense mal!”

“Well I don’t know what a ‘peen-chay’ is, but I agree with you one hundred percent. Know what? If you want, we can all discuss it as a group, because this is something that I think she should really--”

The door slammed open. Loona was the first to come out of the door. In hasty fashion, she turned to the left and noticed that Shrapnel was sitting there with Blitzo. “AHA! I KNEW IT! I SENSED SOMETHING WAS WRONG WHEN THE CORONA WAS GONE!”

Shrapnel’s eyes widened. “W-W-What?”

Loona did not want to hear her act dumb. “Don’t you fucking ‘what’ me, you know that nobody drinks that piss except for you.”

Moxxie and Millie soon followed with a few drinks in hand. Moxxie’s shirt and jacket were popped open, revealing his chest. Millie’s left strap was dropped down, revealing a part of her bra. Clearly, something was brewing in the target practice room.

Shrapnel put her hands up. “Okay, chica. You caught me. I came here to break the bread with you, girl! You don’t wanna move out? That’s fine. I have to go, though, so you have to understand I can’t wait for nobody. ¡Nunca!”

Loona shook her head. She rolled her eyes before taking out a firearm she had in her pocket. “I have a gun here, and I was just trained on how to use it four minuted ago.” Shrapnel gasped. “Woah woah woah! What the fuck are you doing!?” Blitzo even intervened in the confrontation. “Loona? P-Put the gun down now, plea—“

She turned to him. “This has nothing to do with you, so get out of my way.”

Shrapnel looked at Blitzo and sighed. “It’s okay. I’ll leave now. I’ll just go through the wi—“

Loona shook her head. “No, I’m doing this because I want you to listen to me and I want you to fucking listen to me carefully. I don’t ever want you to drop a sick fucking ultimatum like that to me ever again. You think I don’t understand what you’re trying to do? Either I travel wherever you wanna go or I lose you?”

Shrapnel shrugged. “Well you chose to stick with me, Loons. You know what I do, and where I gotta go to do it. You came to me.”

Loona put her gun down and stared at the floor. It took a bit more time to realize just how wrong she was. Despite that, Shrapnel decided to hop out the window and climb her way down. No goodbyes or anything. She just departed without a word. Blitzo walked over and put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry about not knowing, sooner. We had a talk. We can *belch* do this shit like at...on some other day, i-if you want to.”

The hound shook her head. “I think I’m just going to snort a few lines and call it a day.” She walked out of the briefing room, leaving all three imps in the room.

Moxxie sighed and sat on top of the table, shirtless and a little tipsy. “Hey sir, Loona was a really fast learner out there. She can be really great with a gun.” However, he was practically talking to nobody as Blitzo was trying to repel the exhausting effects of the alcohol. “W-What the hell are you two all *belch* dressed for? Is it that time to make another home movie?”

Millie scratched the back of her head. “We erm, got carried away while Loona did her thing, sir. Hehe. Me and Mox didn’t do anything serious though...yet.” She paused and looked at Moxxie. “Hey, that reminds me. A package came in before you left little ol’ me all alone.”

His eyes widened. “Oh. Is it…”

She nodded slowly with an eager smile. Moxxie proceeded with a slow nod himself, as if he was trying to say “Okayyyy.” Afterwards, he directed the conversation back to his boss. “Weren’t you supposed to do something up there, sir? The party is more efficacious than ever, I’d say you should do it now while you can.”

Blitzo gulped. “Shit...uh...Look, I’m going to be straight up with you. I can’t do this alone. Can you two--”

Moxxie and Millie both replied in perfect sync. “Sure.”

That put a smile on the boss’ face. He shook himself around and went for the exit, and so did the two other imps. As they entered the loud blaring party outside, Moxxie and Millie also fixed themselves up and straightened out their attires. Blitzo, who had not stepped out of his briefing room since he and the others came up with this party, walked in awe as he looked around him. Bloodied and beaten corpses of other imps, overshadowed by the simultaneous jumping and dancing by those who were fortunate enough to outlive their rather unfortunate counterparts. A table of coke lines in front of the elevator being occupied by none other than Loona, who paid no attention to the imps walking right past her. He looked to his right and saw a couple smile together, dancing the night away. After that affectious sight, the boss stared up into the ceiling and noticed that the floor above was rocking even harder than this one, which was hard to believe especially with the loud blaring music. Out of all the things around him, he was best intrigued by one funny looking imp, who had some sort of skin deformity on his right side that made it discolored from the other side. This was present for most imps, but not in such a large sample size. He sat there, alone and saddened by the lack of attention towards him. It was practically like looking into a mirror for the boss. However, he knew that there was only so much he could do, so he tapped both of his employees’ shoulders and signaled them to stop. Moxxie and Millie were both confused, but then he walked over to the reject and spoke to him about something. They had a short conversation with each other that ended with Blitzo handing the lonely imp a key, which appeared to have cheered him up and excited him to the point where he ran off into the staircase in a haste. Blitzo returned and pressed the button to the elevator. A couple of imps departed, leaving the box empty for the three imps and them only.

Moxxie tapped the boss. “What did you give him?”

The boss shrugged. “The key to one of our lockers on the third floor, I think.”

Millie joined in. “Ya’ think he’ll keep those things long into the night?”

“I dunno. All I know is that he’s going to enjoy at least fifteen minutes of insanity.”

The two nodded as the elevator came to a stop. They reached the ceiling. When the elevator slid open, they were all taken aback by Stolas being right there in front of the entrance. He looked smug as usual, but it was clear that he meant business right now. Blitzo left the elevator along with his employees, and came face to face with the owl. “What the hell took you so long?”

Stolas frowned. Blitzo realized that he couldn’t talk down to him in public. They weren’t exactly at his castle, so he just peeked his head in and kept his mouth shut.

“It’s good to see you too, Blitzy. Enough talk, I’m parched. I only had a couple of glasses to drink back at home. Got anything good?”

Blitzo shook his head. “Just the cheapest booze money can buy.”

Stolas put his wing to his face. “So let me get this straight, you willingly threw your money on everything except the one thing that matters most.”

“Yep.”

The owl scoffed and walked away. Moxxie looked to his boss. “Wow. Are you two like this everyday?”

Blitzo responded. “He’s getting much more tired of me the longer we live together. Thank Satan.”

After that awkward exchange, the three walked through the large crowd of crazy partygoers. They noticed that every once in a while, some random imp would jump off the edge of the building thinking he or she could fly. It was comical at first, but it was starting to get more depressing as they realized there could be a large pile of bodies stacked upon each other just right in front of the property.

Blitzo made his way to the center and instructed the DJ to stop the music. Once it died, everybody looked around confused. That’s when a spotlight installed at an elevation shined on the boss. He grabbed a mic from the DJ set and did a sound check.

“Testing, testing, one two three. Yep, we’re good.”

All the imps stood there idly.

“Alright, some of you people are havi--having a lot of fun. That’s cool. That’s...really good. I uh...just wanted to get something off my chest before this whole building will probably be gone. That’ll either be for a very good reason, or a very BAD one, heh.”

The crowd began murmuring as Moxxie put his fist below his mouth. He was genuinely focused on what his boss had to say. 

“You see, I don’t know if you guys are familiar with us. We’re the Immediate Murder Profes--”

A loud drunk voice rose from the crowd. “How could we!? They only play your fucking commercial a trillion times a day!” The crowd bursted into laughter. This was the part where Blitzo would usually go off the rails, threaten everybody in the crowd and march off to his office where he would lock himself up for the rest of the night. Instead, he laughed off the comment and put the mic back to his lips.

“Fair enough. Seriously, though. As some of you may have heard, we did some pretty crazy things involving a hot shot who some of you may consider an…’overlord’.”

Somewhere out there, Stolas spat out the $3 worth of beer he was forced to drink at the party. 

The voice came back from the crowd. “You guys were the ones who wrecked that castle!”

“Yep. Honestly, I can’t say that any of us regret it. Oh, let me introduce you all to the team. We have Moxxie here. Weapons expert. A smart cookie. He’s no-nonsense and he speaks all the nonsense, so let’s give it up for him.”

The crowd applauded at a fair volume. Moxxie cracked a smile.

“And over here we got our maniac. She’s the powerhouse of the team, and she is a real keeper. Just ask this guy right here. You guys may have known her from her days as--”

“HOLY SHIT EVERYONE IT’S MILLIE!”

The whole crowd cheered. For a split second, Moxxie felt a little bothered that he did not get as big of a response as his wife, but after his moment of jealousy, he turned to her and shared a smile. 

Blitzo laughed. “Yeahhh, looks like we know at least one person here. Okay, let’s get straight to the point. You all may have heard something about an imp out there. An imp that was crazy enough to murder two larger demons in cold blood. I just uh...wanted to put the whole underworld’s questions to rest right this second.”

He dug into his pockets and pulled out two gold chains. These gold chains were synonymous with the Hue Bros, and all of Hell knew it as a result of their latest media appearances. The whole crowd gasped.

Blitzo chuckled nervously. “Heh, crazy, right?”

The crowd just remained there in horror.

The boss scanned the entire floor, waiting for a cheer, a response from that wise ass in the crowd, just something to transition the speech.

He turned to Moxxie and Millie, but they stood there in shock, not realizing Blitzo would announce that out of all things. Moxxie was visibly pissed off, while Millie was just wide-eyed.

Blitzo coughed to himself and looked around one more time. Still nothing.


	20. The Immediate Murder Professionals (7750+ WORDS)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn. I can’t even begin with this fuckin’ chapter, man. Y’all just gotta read it. Trust me. Y’all just gotta read this shit in its entirety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re looking at 8,000+ words on this one. Just when you thought it couldn’t get longer, I shatter my own record from the last chapter. 
> 
> Remember a few chapters back when I said it was one of my most favorite chapters that I have written? Yeah. This one is now officially my favorite. Like top 1 favorite. I wish everybody who comes across this fanfiction can read this chapter, because never before have I crammed so many things, so much comedy, so much information, so much drama in a chapter before. 
> 
> There will be a lot of scene transitions, compared to the last one, which quite literally had NO transitions. Crazy, right? Also, from what you can tell by the last chapter and this chapter, you will notice that I am developing an obsession with the Weeknd’s album Kiss Land, for very good reason too. It is my shit right now, I ain’t gonna lie.
> 
> Have I ever typed so much in a chapter note before? Damn. I’m just really excited as to how this chapter is gonna go. Like I said, I hope you all enjoy this. Please enjoy it like how I enjoyed making it.

The four were back in the briefing room. It was an hour past midnight, and they were back to being the only ones present in the building. After Blitzo’s speech went awry, the many partygoers spread word from literally the top to the bottom, and everybody cleared out as the employees walked back to where they started. While Blitzo tried to drown his sorrows away one bottle at a time, Loona frantically texted on the other line, trying to take her anger out on Shrapnel. Sadly for her, she was left on read whenever a message was sent. Moxxie was in his own little space, moving weapons from his workshop over to the room and preparing for the fight this time. As for Millie, she did not know how to feel about all this. Out of all the people in the room, she was the only producer of noise, as she blared another R&B song on the bluetooth speaker. Aside from that, it was a room void of any interaction between any of them. Just a few hours ago, they were all happily singing songs with each other. Now, neither of them were in the partying mood. Blitzo ensured that none of that would happen for the day, and although it was harsh of them to distance themselves from their boss, he understood that it was well deserved. They knew they had to get up early to finish this contract, but neither of them felt like sleeping.

Loona stood up and took one last gander at the phone on her paw. She stared at it and crushed it in her hands. Six years of procrastination crushed to pieces in one hardened grip. The hound rushed out of the room and returned with the book from Blitzo’s office. “I have a suggestion. How about we get this shit done NOW!?”

Moxxie put his prized sawed off shotgun aside and stood back up. “Sir, we need to have a talk. A good one, because we do not have much time left.”

Blitzo sighed and tried standing up. He was too drunk to even keep his eyes open, let alone talk.

“H-H-Huh?”

This was not going to be tolerable anymore, and Moxxie knew it. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.” He decided it would be better if he took matters into his own hands, so he grabbed the shotgun from the floor and shot it right at his boss. The recoil of the shot sent both imps back. Only thing is, it sent Blitzo back into a puddle of his own blood on the wall. The shock of the bullet was already more than enough to kill him.

\---------------

In less than a minute, the boss returned in a sober but agitated state. He kicked the door right open and walked right past his own corpse. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?”

Moxxie momentarily put his hands up. “Sorry, sir. You forced my hand. But seriously, we cannot go quiet about this anymore. You put us on the spot, alright? All the stupid things we did back at that club was the hottest story of the month thus far, and you just spoonfed them all. The media, the overlords, the demons. Everybody that we have tried running from since the dawn of imp. You just spoonfed them all. This city isn’t safe anymore. We aren’t safe. We can’t live on running for our lives, we just can’t! We just can’t! I can’t run again!”

Millie put a hand to her husband’s chest. “Calm down, Mox. Let’s just finish this contract first, and afterwards, we’ll clear up everything, okay? We took out all them cameras. They have nothing solid against us right now.”

He took a long breath and turned to Millie. “Yeah...you’re right...But on the off-chance that they---”

After taking his time to think of his explanation carefully in detail, Blitzo flipped his shit. “Okay, okay, look, maybe spilling that shit to those imps was a very bad idea, but hey, it would have been worse for us all anyway if they couldn’t solve this goddamn mystery!”

Loona leaned on the wall with her arms crossed. “True dat. Now they know that they only need to get rid of ONE person.”

In a defensive manner, the boss turned to Loona. “Okay, wiseass, they’re still contemplating whether it was even one--”

She interrupted him, “Um, you are aware all they need is for those two hue bastards to get a hold of what transpired tonight and confirm it? They’re going to know it was you, one way or another. Face it, Dad, you’re not going to deny your way out of this one. Either you can find the brothers again and get rid of them properly, or you can just lay back and watch this whole media shitstorm slowly rip this company apart.

Blitzo responded. “Did you just call me Dad?” His comment was left ignored by Loona. Strange.

Moxxie raised an eyebrow. “So you suggest we find them quick and--”

Loona nodded.

The imp thought about that idea. “Hm. Holy shit. That might work. The pressing matter now is whether we kill the Hue Brothers first or get on with this contract. Say, where did the Penguin Demon go?”

That’s when all four of them stood there idly.

“Oh...fuck…”

\---------------

“Oh thank Jesus Harold Christ! No wait! I take that back! Fuck that guy!” Blitzo was going through a roller coaster of emotions as the four stood over a ripped page left in the ritual room. It appeared the Penguin Demon did not forget about the favor when he decided to abandon the party. His initials were written in ink at the very bottom of the page, and in this page was the ritual required to locate the target.

Loona picked up the page and read it for a bit. With everybody else looking over her shoulder, she nodded to herself and put the page down. “Alright, seems simple enough. Um, this will be agonizing as fuck, but I’m sure you’ll pull through...Moxxie.”

His eyes widened. “What!?”

\---------------

Blitzo and Millie were on the rooftop of a Taco Hell with a sniper rifle positioned towards a popular nightclub twenty minutes north of Imp City. It was a long drive, but it would soon be worth it. The fatal mistake that the Hue Brothers made was their constant use of promotion during their media appearances. They held a significant stake in this new nightclub, and it was the one spot that they advertised the hell out of. The two imps were extremely tired, but they knew that they had to get this all done before the word spread to them. It was a commonly accepted fact that imps hardly ever travel outside of their respective city, so there was a great chance that they had not known about the public confession.

Millie cocked the sniper rifle and squinted her eye. “Yep, the club is still goin’ wild, chief. Don’t worry your horny head--”

“Horned head.” The boss corrected her accordingly.

She chuckled. “Oh, right.”

All they had to do was wait until both of them left the club at the same time for either business or some sort of private call they had to arrange. They both did a bit of research on their way, and noticed that the club was astonishingly small compared to the clubs in Pentagram City. But the most noteworthy detail of their findings was that the place lacked an office, which was extremely mind-boggling for them. It appeared that they wanted to ensure there was enough space for the petting zoo and a mini-bar for said pets. Either these two have a passion in getting experimental, or they were just hands down the worst club owners in all of Hell’s history.

And their demise began when they both left the door. The lavender brother had a stack of cash on one hand and the dark red brother had a phone on his hand along with a cigar on the other. It appeared he was in the middle of a call.

“Okay, okay, okay, fine. Don’t come cryin’ to me when you muthafuckas realize that hellhound casinos are the next big thing. We’ll just go find another investor. Ight. Cool. Don’t care, fuck y’all.”

He hung up and turned to the lavender brother. “Fuckin’ shit, man. I’m tired of all this bullshit. I mean, what sick bastard doesn’t like dog parks?”

The other brother raised his eyebrows. “He don’t like dog parks?--”

“HE DON’T LIKE DOG PARKS, MAN!”

The lavender brother shook his head. “Damn. That’s the shit I don’t like. Real talk. You even changed the shit to hellhound casinos. The fuck are these guys buggin’ for?”

“This all started when Mama fuckin’ killed Rico in front of our faces.”

“Deadass. Fucked up shit. Rico was a fuckin’ soldier. The goodest of all good boys. We’re tryna pay tribute and what happens? Bitch ass overlords. Shit.”

“Yeah man, I don’t even like those dumbass mufuckas. Silly ass hats. Ugly ass clothes. Goofy looking ass guns. I mean, you hold me at gunpoint, right?”

“Mhm.”

“And then you point them Candy Land looking ass guns right at me? Know what imma do?”

“Tell em’.”

“...I’m gon’ laugh like a fuckin’ baby.”

They both shared a collective howl of laughter as they high fived each other.

“Yeah, FUCK them guns! FUCK EM!”

“And that ain’t even the worst part, man. You got like what, one two three mistresses you gotta clean up after, nah mean?”

“I feel you, lil’ bro.”

“Man fuck you mean, lil’ bro? Two minutes are just two minutes. Fuck shit.”

“Heh, you should have left Mama’s vagina faster. I was like a butterball rollin’ down a slope of ice, ya’ heard?”

“Yeah, yeah. You can climb out of vaginas faster than the average baby. Dope. Know what my superpower is? I can climb right back in faster than the average man. Real talk.”

“Real talk my ass. That shit’s dumb as fuck, because you don’t even climb on pussy, nah wuhm sayin’? Yo’ dick ain’t getting mountain climbin’ gear to get into some pussy.”

“Oh shut the fuck up, it’s the same shit. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know that you get no pussy because you ain’t got that mountain climbin’ gear.”

The dark red brother groaned.

“Well I know if I got some pussy mountain climbin’ gear, I’d be like fuckin’ uh...Yo, who is the Tiger Woods of mountain climbin’? Know what, you already know what I’m tryna say.”

“Goddamn, you’re ass at this.”

“Alright, cool cool. We just gon’ act like big dumb assholes now. What are we gonna do about that hellhound casino bullshit?”

“I dunno. I think the Penguin Demon would buy tho. That dude will buy any fuckin’ thing, straight up.”

“Naaaah. I fuckin’ hate penguins. I’m like the penguin terrorist in these streets--”

Before they knew it, a tranquilizer dart shot through the air and landed on the side of the dark red brother’s neck. The brother was instantly knocked out and fell to the ground. This alerted the lavender brother, who pulled out his gun and looked around, trying to scan any obvious threats around him.

“Yo! What the fuck did y’all just do to my bro? Getcho’ ass here right now!”

Silence.

Then another tranquilizer dart came out of nowhere and got him right in the neck.

“Oh, y’all think I can’t take a tiny ass dart? I’m fuckin’ Superman, hoe! This don’t mean shit to m--”

He fell over to the ground and was knocked out

Blitzo and Millie high fived each other..

\---------------

“Is this really necessary? You’re telling me that this ritual, this powerful instrument of chaos that only requires words and motion to activate, might be obstructed by wearing clothes?”

Loona stood right above the naked imp, who was laying down on the pentagram painted onto the floor. Contrary to her fellow co-worker, she was still fully dressed, and she intended to remain that way for the entire ritual.

“No, I just want to test something. I found out that the backpage to this thing is fucking hilarious.”

Moxxie looked at her stupid. “Okay, just what do you mean by hilario--”

“Subtraxerim utilium stultus horreat!”

The ray impacted him below where the belt would be. Moxxie looked at her again. “Um, just what the hell did you do?” Loona looked down in an obviously staged sense of horror. “Oh no! Poor Moxxie just contracted micropenis!”

He scoffed. “Haw haw. Nice try. I doubt that is even a legitimate spell that Lucifer himself would even dare concei—OH MY GOD!!!”

He looked right up and sure enough...well...you get what’s going on here, right?

“WHAT THE FUCK, LOONA!? CHANGE ME BACK RIGHT THI—“

“لا كرات”

Suddenly, Moxxie felt something disappear right below. He felt onto the family jewels, and found out that his jewels were just robbed, leaving nothing but the money bag.

“JESUS HAROLD CHRIST! WHY!? WHYYYYYYYY—“

Loona erupted in laughter. Moxxie clenched his fists and got right up in Loona’s face. He snatched the book right out of her hands and hit her head with it, but it really didn’t do anything to provoke her. She was still laughing from her own antics.

“Fine, fuck you then! I’ll do it myself!”

The insult made Loona fall out of her chair and proceed to roll around the floor in continuous laughter. It was clear she was not going to stop anytime soon. While the hound was in hysterics, the imp was trying to make sense of the page. After a little more careful reading, he nodded to himself and got started by putting all of his clothes back on.

\---------------

The two brothers woke up tied to a tree. They looked around and were horrified by the sight of a dark night sky with a white moon shining over them. This only meant one thing: they were both trapped in the living world held in captivity. Blitzo and Millie were right there in front of them. The boss was smoking a joint he rolled up earlier, while Millie had her custom-made flamethrower ready to burn them down.

The lavender brother gasped. “Fuck! Okay okay okay, I see now. I see we put y’all through some shit, but y’all do realize we’ve been tight lipped this whole time?”

Blitzo’s eyes widened. “What? I thought you two were just fucking idiots!”

The dark red demon exclaimed. “That shit was deliberate, bruh! Please...let’s not do something we’ll regret. You let us go, we won’t do anymore interviews. None of that shit. Ight?”

Millie shook her head. “Nah, no ight. I don’t buy it, sir. Plus we—“

“We can’t let them go. They need to be killed immediately.”

The Hue Brothers sat there in shock.

“You see, you two have been running your mouths for such a long time now. So much so, that your business endeavors literally depend on it. Millie is right, you’re both lying and we all know it. You’re still going to go to Katie Killjoy late at night. You’re still going to have interviews with freelance reporters that will only bring more attention to us, and what we did to you two. We kill you here, the story might die down, and you two will certainly stop running your mouths.”

The lavender brother knew that they were done for.

“Come closer.”

Blitzo obliged and leaned over to the lavender brother, who threw him off by spitting onto his face. The imp turned around fast and was royally pissed off.

He turned to Millie.

“Do it.”

She nodded and looked back at the brothers. Both of them stared up at her in pure horror. “Don’t worry, boys, it’ll all be over soon! Mama promises that!” With a bit of force from her finger, the trigger was pulled, and a destructive cloud of fire caught the brothers and left them to scream in agony as the fire delved deep into their skin and through their flesh. The tree caught fire as well

\---------------

Moxxie zipped up his pants and read the final line of instructions. “You have got to be kidding me. Loona, when you said this ritual was simple enough…”

She looked up. “Mhm?”

“...were you flat out drunk or were you just being your usual idiotic self?”

Loona scoffed. “What now?”

The imp walked up to her and pointed at the last few lines of instruction. “Look at this. You have to find a sample of DNA from the target and place it right on top of a live torso. The projection doesn’t come from the circle, no. It comes from the mouth of the—“

“You mean the mouth of the yapping fucking idiot who doesn’t remember that I said this was going to be excruciating for you? Because congratulations, genius, you have a great opportunity to prove yourself right now.”

Moxxie scratched his head. “And what about the DNA? We searched the scene, and it was taken over by all those cops! We tried finding blood, but there were too many—“

It was clear he did not understand how on top of things Loona was. She sighed and took out a pouch of blood. 

“W-W-Where did you get that?”

Loona sighed.. “You still think I’m fucking stupid, don’t you? Well let me take you back to when I came back. You all were dumb enough to fuck it up the first time. When you abandoned us—“

“Prepared things.”

“Shut the fuck up. When you abandoned us, we got another crack at it, but the guy wasn’t even in the car. He was gone, and Blitz missed his shot. That meant he must have drawn something when he jumped out of the vehicle. Who pointed that out the first time? Me. So we all went down the trail and found some of his blood and scraped it in. It’s been sitting in the freezer this whole time.”

Moxxie looked down, knowing that he would have to concede to the hound. “Well. Looks like I missed a lot.”

She snickered. “Damn right you did.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP LOONA—“

\---------------

Blitzo and Millie were driving back after using the book to carry out their business and murder the Hue Bros for good this time. They were already a thing of the past, and now all they had to do was complete this contract. To be fair, the Cowboy Demon did say that the team had two days to complete the contract. That was 48 hours from the call they had together after the first attempt, and it seems like they still have a couple of hours to spare. As long as Loona and Moxxie knew what they were doing, it will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Millie clapped her hips and shook her head around to absolutely nothing. The stereo was not even on. Nevertheless, she was excited to go back to the headquarters. Although they literally had the longest day on record, Millie was still wide awake and ready to do this.

Blitzo yawned as he kept the steering wheel steady. He was also checking the rearview mirror every one in a while to make sure they weren’t being followed. “Millie...I am shitfaced. Tell me a story. I can’t stay awake right now.”

The employee gasped. “Sir! Do you want me to drive?”

He made a shoo signal with his hand. “No no, I got it. I got it. You just sit there and stay purdy.”

She giggled, but was a little worried by the response. Regardless, she wanted to please her boss. “So, you wanna hear a lil’ story? Which one do you want? Nantucket or the Panda?”

Blitzo raised an eyebrow. “Hmm...how about the Panda?”

Millie rubbed her hands together. “Okay. So there was this green panda livin’ in a humid forest. The green panda is friendly. Flawed, but still a good critter who is just misunderstood. This panda has a regular colored family of four. The craziest family one lil’ panda could possibly produce. He was Papa Panda, and he was just mindin’ his business one day wanderin’ around with his family, until a group of zoologists came across the green panda. They’re amazed by the rare appearance of this particular panda. His fur, his cute white face, everythin’! These zoologists have the bright idea of takin’ this creature to an exhibit, but they also don’t wanna separate him from his family, so they took all four of em’.”

The boss was struggling to keep awake, but he did not have the heart to tell Millie about it, so he just continued to listen to God knows whatever she was talking about.

“When the family arrived, tourists were baffled by his distinguished fur. So much so, that other tourists flocked from all over the world to see these cuties. The increase in the exhibit’s popularity meant more pamperin’ for the family! They are livin’ the life! It was clear that Papa Panda was the face of the whole zoo, and this panda had a gift to share with the world. Sadly, good things have to come to an end. Progressively, the panda becomes much more spoiled and refuses to leave the cave if the zoo does not give him enough things to fulfill his growin’ greed. Food, massages, the whole buck. The other family follows suit, and the resources for the zoo begin dwindlin’ due to these nasty creatures. The zoo directors discuss amongst each other, tryin’ to figure out how to stop these pandas from takin’ any more from them. When the pandas are bein’ pampered because of the popularity of Papa Panda, what do they do?”

Blitzo shrugged. “Uh, I dunno.”

“Easy, they kill Papa Panda in the middle of the night. While the family is asleep, they assign a zookeeper to take the panda to a secure place and finish the deed. Afterwards, the family are left without a Papa, and even left without a home after interest in the pandas drastically decline. It was just business. That’s the end of my story.”

The boss kept his eyes glued to the road. “That’s very touching, Mills. Yeah...the Papa has kids...green fur…”

His eyelids lowered slowly until his eyes were completely shut. That’s when he lost control of the steering wheel and shifted to the right. Millie gasped and got a hold of the steering wheel. The boss was now asleep, and his foot was still on the gas pedal. As they started speeding up, Millie watched in horror as the car began swerving its way back to Imp City.

“Oh lord.”

\---------------

“Moxxie. I am giving you one last chance. If your pussy is that wide right now, I can just go ahead and let you chop me instead.”

The imp took his jacket off and clenched his fists together. “The hell you are. I am doing this because it is my choice.” Moxxie was laid on the pentagram once again. Candles were placed at the end of each point. This ritual required somebody’s toros to lay on the pentagram, spilled with the target’s blood. After a certain chant, a portal will open and reveal the location of the target. This portal can be opened at any time with a save key, but this key had to be shouted at the very end of the chant in order for it to be accessible. 

Loona stood above the imp with Millie’s axe in her hands. Out of all the weapons that she could have chosen, Moxxie said he would feel more comfortable if he was sliced by his wife’s prized possession. The hound did not understand it at all, but she didn’t truly understand love either. She had the pouch on the floor, ready to splatter it all over her co-worker.

“Okay, I’m going to start the chopping, starting with your right arm. You ready?”

Moxxie put a hand up. “Wait.” He then stuffed the jacket onto his mouth and nodded. With something to bite on to overcome the pain, he was ready now.

Loona sighed and put the axe up above her head. “One...two…”

“...THREE!”

With all her strength, she threw the axe down and chopped Moxxie’s arm clean off without any struggle. The imp shrieks were muffled by his jacket, and he shook around like a madman from the pain. The bone was cut clean, and the flesh of the arm was still tender. It was funny, having his arm getting cut off for the second time in eight hours. To the imp, he thought he would be better prepared for this. He was wrong. It never got easier for anybody, and that was the hard truth about rituals.

The imp looked up at the hound with pleading eyes, wanting her to get on with it as fast as possible. She huffed, threw the axe up again, and slammed it down right through Moxxie’s right leg. Another loud shriek filled the room. Loona wiped her forehead after the second slice. She moved on to the other limb.

As per usual, she threw the axe up and down, slicing Moxxie’s left leg this time. Another blood-curdling shriek that was impressively unaffected by the presence of the jacket in his mouth. Loona cracked a chuckle and looked down at the imp. “Hey, that means your micropenis is gone, right?” With his only arm, Moxxie grabbed the jacket and threw it to the side. “GET ON WITH IT YOU STUPID BITCH!” The hound was genuinely appalled by Moxxie’s words. “Okay, okay! Fucking hell, you don’t have to be an asshole about it!”

“YOU’RE THE...one...being…” Moxxie was losing it. Blood was spilling out fast.

Loona rocked her head. “Oh no you don’t. I need you alive, dickwad!”

One more time. She charged the axe and sliced through Moxxie’s remaining limb. He was now a live torso, suffering an insane amount of pain in the process. After the last cut, Loona grabbed the pouch of blood and splattered it all over the imp, drenching his buttoned down shirt. Afterwards, she quickly picked up the page and shouted the chant at the top of her lungs.

“INVENIRET HOMINEM, PICKLE!”

The chant succeeded. Moxxie’s eye sockets and mouth was being filled by a white light that blinded Loona greatly. The intensity of the light was too much for the naked eye to handle, which was not even written as a disclaimer in the page. Assholes. A portal opened up right in front of Loona. Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t even see what was the other side. She couldn’t even tell if there was a portal or not, and neither can Moxxie. At this time, too much blood already ran out, and the imp died shortly after the portal opened. 

It took a long time for the hound to adjust, but she finally did. She opened her eyes and looked into the portal, and was shocked to see just where the portal led to…

The White House.

\---------------

After maneuvering the car and coming in clutch, Millie slammed the car at a lamp post just by the parking lot of the headquarters and sent both of the imps flying forward onto the pavement. Millie groaned as she slowly got up while Blitzo just laid there asleep. That was probably the heaviest sleeping anybody has ever done in Hell. They were finally back. 

Then out of nowhere, a random body dropped from the sky and landed right where the wreckage of the car was. The vehicle bursted into flames and the unfortunate person that respawned right on top of it ended up screaming at the top of his lungs. Millie turned around and squinted her eyes, trying to identify the person. She couldn’t. In a jiff, he already burned up into a crisp. 

She mumbled to herself. “The fuck?”

Then out of nowhere (REDUX), the same random body dropped from the sky and landed on his feet right next to Millie. She looked to her side and was surprised to see Moxxie. However, he was not happy at all. 

“JESUS! Can I PLEASE catch a break!? I just landed in a car crash for crying out loud!” 

Millie giggled, catching the attention of the imp. He turned and saw Millie, roughed up by the car crash. They stared at each other for quite some time and embraced. Moxxie was the first one to ask. “So, how did it go for you guys?”

“How did it go for YOU guys?”

“Not great...for me. But yeah, we got the portal.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, same goes for me. I had to drive the heck out of this thing. Blitz fell asleep on our way here.”

He let go of her and put his hands out. “Are you serious!? What the hell!?” Millie pointed at their boss. “Yeah there he is, livin’ on Cloud 9. Poor Blitz hasn’t slept in some time.”

Moxxie shrugged. “Well neither have we. I think I’m wide awake now though...although I could use a few more hours.”

“Me too. Pssh.” They both shared another laugh as they got closer and shared a long kiss. During their moment, Loona kicked the door open, trying to figure out why the hell Moxxie was taking so long. 

“MOXXIE!”

He shifted his attention to her and waved sarcastically. “Loona. It is...so not nice to see you.”

\---------------

7A.M

It’s been three hours. Everything turned out perfect for the team. The only thing left for them was this contract (and some irrelevant contract that probably isn’t even going to be addressed until the next volume lol).

Moxxie and Millie were holding each other as they shared an adorable nap together on the floor. Loona was balled up on top of the table, trying to get a hint of comfort to go with her nap. She has had dozens of power naps before this one. She knew exactly where to sleep, and strangely enough it was a sturdy table.

Blitzo was laid out in a spot of his own around the corner. He was absolutely knocked out, and he was probably dreaming about his traumatic childhood, because the boss was the very first person to wake up. He got up to stretch and yawn, scratching his back and looking around the briefing room. 

It was safe to say that the Green Panda story did not keep him up. 

He crawled over to Moxxie and Millie and stared at them lovingly. These two were his favorite employees. His only employees (he saw Loona more as a daughter rather than an employee). For once, Blitzo wanted to know how it felt to be cuddled like they were being cuddled, so he shoved himself in between and looked up at the ceiling. Yep. This felt nice.

Then out of nowhere, Moxxie woke up and kissed Blitzo’s cheek. “Good morning, my sweet…”

Blitzo turned to him. “Oh, why thank you!”

That’s when Moxxie’s eyes finally opened. He widened them in a split second and saw Blitzo right in front of him. He threw himself back and started rubbing the taste out of his tongue frantically. “PAH!” The commotion caused Millie to wake up as well. She rubbed her eyes and looked to her left, seeing the boss laying right next to her. Blitzo noticed her stare and said to her. “Um, I wasn’t doing anything.”

Millie was not really in any mood whatsoever. She was always groggy when she woke up, so she just snickered quietly and said to him, “I could have sworn I dreamt about this just now…” The imp stood up and walked over to Moxxie. She gave him a peck on the cheek, to which he replied with a peck of his own. They shared a moment while Blitzo got up to wake up Loona.

“Hey, Loona! Loona!”

The hound woke up in a loud groan. “F-Five more minutes…”

Blitzo shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Tsk tsk. Come on, Loonie. I don’t think I raised you to be this laz--”

That’s when she unseathed her claw and put it two inches in front of Blitzo’s face. He was absolutely spooked by the threat.

“I said...five...more...minutes.”

\---------------

The four sat together around the only table in the employee’s lounge. Blitzo was eating a single peach he scavenged from the party, Moxxie and Millie made eggs out of the only ingredients that were still in tact, and Loona was just having a nice cold beer for breakfast. She had to get her morning fuel for the day. They all chewed quietly and exchanged looks to each other. None of them wanted to be the first to talk, because they found a particular liking to the harmony within the room. Every single member of the I.M.P has been loud thus far. This was basically the calm before the storm.

And that’s how breakfast went the whole time.

\---------------

Blitzo was scrambling through the last documents he had of the target trying to find something new that he can use to their advantage. Nothing. This search was pretty much pointless. After setting the pile of the papers aside on his desk, he looked down and noticed a scribbled drawing of him in his striped shirt back when he used to work in the circus. It was a cute drawing. A simply drawn imp with a generic smiley face holding balloons. There were two words drawn by two different people on the paper. Right above the imp was an arrow and the word “ME” included with it. That was Blitzo. On the corner was the word “LOONA”. That was self explanatory. The boss wiped a tear from his eye. He knew that Hell was the most desolate and cruel place in the universe. Hope, happiness, and love were hardly ever synonymous with the underground. However, he felt proud that these three things were shared amongst everybody in the company. The imp was once called a failure, a lost cause that only ruins things and pisses off other people around him. The people who take their lives too seriously. He knew it sounded crazy, but Blitzo believed in miracles. Out of all the things he has accomplished in his agonizing but short afterlife, sharing that hope, happiness, and love with the people he cared about most was probably his best accomplishment thus far. And this was essentially what this drawing represented.

RING RING!

Oh no.

It was the Cowboy Demon. Blitzo took a deep breath. He knew it was about to be scary, but he knew that he had to show him who the boss truly is. It was him, and him only. The imp picked up his phone.

“Hello?”

“I did warn you what was going to happen. I’ll ask one more ti--”

Blitzo instantly responded and even interrupted the client. “We had an agreement. 48 hours. Count from wherever you want, but those 48 hours aren’t done yet. We still have time to complete the contract.”

There was silence on the other line. The boss was starting to realize perhaps this was a grave mistake. 

“Okay. You asked fer’ it.”

This only confused him further. “Huh? What do you mean I asked for i--AHH!” 

Something crashed through the ceiling. It was a crate. Blitzo got out of his seat and slowly walked up to the mysterious box. It could have been anything. A rigged explosion, a death ray that will instantly pulverize anybody that dares open the box, etcetera etcetera. The point was, he was extremely nervous to see what was inside. With the phone on one hand, he used the other to lift the top off slowly.

He was not prepared for what was inside. Because inside, there were a bunch of weapons. Plasma weapons. Plasma guns, knives, grenades, you name it. It was all in there, stuffed in one little box. If the boss wasn’t curious before, he was even more curious now. He focused back to the call.

“B-B-But...why?”

The Cowboy Demon chuckled and took something out of his mouth. Blitzo could tell, because it sounded really disgusting. “I had lotsa money just lying ‘round here. Look, if y’all really think y’all can pull it off, then so be it. Just know that there’s two hours left in this bitch. So you better buckle up, son, cuz you’re given the resources. Now just finish it.”

The boss wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to jump up and down and run into the streets of Imp City naked. Instead, he recollected himself and whispered into the phone.

“Thank you…”

“Don’t mention it. Now you don’t have any excuse.”

He hung up. The last sentence sent chills down Blitzo’s spine, because what the Cowboy Demon said really was right. He literally did not have any excuse to miss this last shot. Strike three and not only was he out, but so was the company. Loona, Moxxie, Millie, their well-being could be at stake here. All it takes is a journey to the living world and a bullet through the head to kill them all, and that’s usually what happens to those who led previous hitman services that failed ultimately.

Blitzo took another good look at all the weapons and smiled.

\---------------

“Oh boy! It feels like Christmas right now!” Millie jumped up and down as she held the plasma axe. Like all other weapons, it was black like dark matter, and it was outlined by various neon colors that made its way through from the midpoint. The axe had a hot red outline coming down, and Millie enjoyed that, because it reminded her of blood. 

Loona enjoyed going through the pile of goods that the Cowboy Demon sent their way. Plasma shurikens, plasma brass knuckles, these were the examples that Loona would stuff into her pockets. She couldn’t wait to use it all. 

Moxxie wished he could scavenge through the crate like he was at a thrift shop, considering his occupation, but he tasked himself with arranging a game plan for the contract.

“Alright, everybody gather around. This is my derivative plan to eliminate the target and put this race for our lives to rest. First of all, I would like to address this pressing issue that has been bothering me ever since I first heard it. Loona.”

The hound’s eyes widened a little. “Hm?”

“Pickle? Really?” Moxxie was of course referring to the save key that Loona established right after she said the chant.

Loona could only shrug and cross his arms. “Fuck off, will you? It was the only word I could think of at the time, okay!?”

The imp could not care one bit. “Right. Anyways, from what I have seen this morning, the target is still located in the White House. Specifically, he is located at the underground tunnels. How do I know this? Heat seeking device. It was hard, but I took one step inside the living world and located the man far beneath the floor of the Green Room. It seems like he was eating something down there. Maybe he’s living down there or something. Regardless, he can’t be up to no good. Best thing to do is get to him before he leaves the premises. Unfortunately, he has put us in a real ‘pickle’, LOONA.”

The hound flipped him off.

“The reason for that is that he is underneath one of the most secure places in the United States. This will not only be an assassination, but this will also be an espionage mission, so please, whatever you do, do not stare at the portraits of wigged men hung up on the walls, okay sir?”

Blitzo groaned.

Moxxie clapped his hands together. “Okay. All we have to do is get past security, find these tunnels, and take him on. Blitz, Loona, you two will follow our directions to the other end of the tunnel and go through there. Me and Millie will do the hard part for you, alright?”

Loona did some sarcastic jazz hands. “Oh, my savior. Whatever will I do without you?”

The imp sighed. “Let’s keep it professional.”

“You didn’t ‘keep it professional’ when you shoved that pickle thing onto my face.”

Blitzo pointed at her. “That’s what she said.”

Despite the annoyance of his other co-workers, Moxxie nodded. “Alright. Just so you all know, we are definitely capable of this. See you all downstairs.” And just like that, he walked out of the lounge.

\---------------

(Montage Time!)

The four were all ready to go to war. Along with the four killers, the bluetooth speaker that Millie brought was playing music on full blast in the gun range. Specifically, it was Kiss Land by the Weeknd.

(Beat switch) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wq6V9YpE1aE)

Moxxie ripped off his jacket and put on a bulletproof vest around his body. He put some extra iron cases around the vest and put on a black and red utility belt. In each pocket was at least one grenade. In each of them were the most powerful explosions that money could buy. He even put on a pair of goggles that gave him thermal vision. The imp put on some tough baggy slacks and stuffed them inside two large black boots. In addition to the boots, Moxxie had a knife hidden in each sole. His weapon of choice? Plasma longblade.

“I got a brand new place, I think I've seen it twice all year  
I can't remember how it looks inside,  
So you can picture how my life's been  
I went from starin' at the same four walls for 21 years  
To seein' the whole world in just twelve months  
Been gone for so long I might have just found God  
Well, probably not, if I keep my habits up and  
Probably not if I can't keep up with lovin'”

Millie cackled as she put on her black chest guard, layered on top of a latex suit that had extra pads around it for maximum protection. In each elbow came a spike that could slice through a man’s skull with maximum skull. The maniac had a few artillery shells hidden beneath each pad as well. Cherry bombs, smoke bombs, all kinds of fun-size bombs she can use. Millie also put on an optical facemask and inserted two blades onto her sword pack. Her weapon of choice? Nothing else but the plasma axe. Oh yeah, and she added just another layer of black lipstick.

“And I can't stand talkin' to brand new girls  
Only bitches down to fuck when you shower them with ones and  
Probably not if my -------- round them up and  
Probably not if we take 'em to my spot  
Probably not if I tweak all day, just to sleep at night  
God damn I'm high, my doctor told me to stop  
And he gave me something to pop  
I mix it up with some Adderall's and I wait to get to the top”

Loona was going to Loona. She did not care about protection at all. The hound wanted to go with a small red jacket that only fit around her top, leaving the stomach and waist open. Along with the jacket, she laced up some large heels and fit her hands into some biker gloves for the grip. Her weapon of choice? Dual plasma uzis, with loads of clips stuffed into all four of her pockets. More than enough ammo to do some damage, and a faster fire rate that could be too much for even someone with telekinetic powers.

“And I mix it up with some alcohol and I pour it up in a shot  
I don't care about you, why you worried 'bout me?  
All I want is that smoke, give me all of that smoke  
Last week was my rough week, I'm still drippin' down from my nose  
And I don't know how to drive, I make my driver get high  
But If he goes under that 110, believe my driver get fired  
And I don't got any friends,  
I got XO in my bloodwork and I'm posted up down in Florida,”

Blitzo had to go all out for this one. He had nothing on that he had prior. The boss had on tactical bulletproof full body armor with ammo clips in each pocket and a stick of dynamite in two of them (with matches of course). He also had a thick black jacket underneath the armor. Each hand was wrapped with gauze, and each of his forearms had a blade attached to them for convenience. With multiple guns strapped to his body, he was ready to light shit up.

“Ft. Lauderdale to that MIA  
Cold drinks with Grand Marnier  
To the break of dawn, Kahlua milk,  
White Russian when the sun hits,  
White Russians with tongue tricks  
I like the feeling of tongue rings,  
She like the way my whole tongue flip,  
She grind hard for tuition,  
She grind hard 'til her teeth chip  
I make her hide it with gold grills,  
I make her suck it with gold grills,  
In the back room of the VIP, she don't ever sleep”

The four looked at each other and shared collective nods. They were all ready. The team walked out of the range and even took the speaker with them because why the fuck not?

“This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
Even if you tried,  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried”

The team left the elevator and entered the ritual room. Moxxie and Millie prepared everything like it was just another day of work. 

“This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
This ain't nothing to relate to  
Even if you tried,  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried, you tried  
And you tried  
You tried, oh yeah.”

With the command of “pickle”, Blitzo looked at his employees and gave them one last thing to share before they all went on the mission.

“Remember, everybody. We are the Immediate Murder Professionals. Let’s make this sunuva bitch as ‘immediate’ as possible, alright?”

They all nodded. After that little pep talk, they all entered the portal.


	21. Disastrous Chase in D.C.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ight, let’s get started with the highs. We got Moxxie and Millie finally takin’ their highly anticipated personalized tour to the White House, Loona is revealed to be a U.S History scholar, and Blitz is a serious contender for therapist of the year.
> 
> The lows? Moxxie and Millie meet my boy Kanyeezy Westeezy and they don’t ask for an autograph. SMH!!! Loona’s STDs are being made fun of, and Blitz is strictly against Social Security. WTF.
> 
> I don’t mean to get socioeconomically political or anything, but wtf is a Psyguy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to be politically unbiased on this one. Enjoy!

The team found themselves on the other side of the portal, behind a pillar at the White House porch. Unfortunately for them, Washington D.C was suffering a heavy rainstorm that kept virtually every frequent member of the White House inside, including the President and his Cabinet. The place was pretty much going to be at its most secure. They were already a step ahead, however, thanks to a small scale EMP gun that Moxxie constructed. So far, every camera on the porch was disabled. To the eyes of someone in charge of the cameras, it was very easy to blame the storm for this.

Moxxie adjusted his goggles and turned around to address Blitzo and Loona. “According to my precise calculations, the probability of you two making it to the tunnel of the Arlington National Cemetery weighs greater than any other option. The president is likely never going to retreat there considering the moistened conditions of this storm, so I would suggest you both travel there. It’s a straight path, so just retire somewhere safe until we provide the correct tunnel. Did you all look over the schematic?”

Loona and Blitzo stared at each other blankly. 

The imp was rubbing his forehead. “As I suspected. Alright, just hang on there for a second.” He dug into one of the pockets in his utility belt and took out a folded piece of paper. It was a diagram of the tunnels and where they led to. He handed it to his boss, who was surprised by the fact that he actually had this with him.

“But how did you--”

“It’s simple. Back in the days where it was only the three of us, I used the old portal to woo a high profile Pentagon official so that I could get valuable information from the Free World’s vault. I changed my appearance using a human spell and spent three months with this woman. When the time was right, I photocopied every classified document stored and left without a trace. I have access to everything you need for this mission.”

The three other members were shocked by the amazing story told by an unexpected source. They all went “Ooooohhh.”

That’s when Moxxie cracked. “Just kidding. I just looked up ‘white house tunnels’ on the internet. It’s not hard to get this, you know.”

Loona gave Moxxie a slug to his shoulder. She yelled quietly, knowing that anybody could overhear them. “You dickface! You really convinced me you had a lot of good shit!”

The imp reassured her. “First of all, owww! Second of all, I do. You just have to look it all up on the internet. Have you been listening? Millie, do something!” His wife and Loona looked at each other. Both of them scoffed (Millie kind of fused a giggle and a scoff so it wasn’t really in spite of him), which really threw Moxxie off. Have they really been hitting it off while he was gone securing the married couple’s future? That was almost as bad as her cheating on him. Well, technically they both cheated on each other willingly when the group had that full-blown orgy, but that's besides the point. 

After being flat out ignored, Blitzo put his fist up and caught everybody’s attention. It was time for the actual leader to speak. “Listen up. We’re wasting time here. You heard the little midget. Let’s get this done.” It wasn’t the best pep talk, but they all got the message. Moxxie smirked and rolled his eyes, while Blitzo stuck his tongue out playfully. Apparently both genders in the I.M.P finally developed an actual dynamic together. The boss looked at the map one more time, showed it to Loona, and stuffed it inside his vest pocket. The duo opened up a portal and went inside.

It was now Moxxie and Millie. They were ready to get to it. The imps knew they had to sneak in somewhere, but where were they able to get in without any witnesses? It was 9PM in Washington D.C, which meant there was one room on the first floor that he knew was empty at the time.

The dining room. 

“Honey, do you think anybody here uses the dining room at 9PM? I’m not fully adjusted to American customs.”

She shook her head. “Unless we’re talkin’ Ramadan, but this is the White House, sweetie. The only Americans that eat dinner at 9PM are travelin’ salesmen.” He rolled up a sleeve and took out a silenced hand pistol just in case anybody spots them. “I don’t doubt that.” The door to the dining room was right there.

The only problem is, it was locked. Millie found that out the hard way and was a second away from using one of her cherry bombs, but Moxxie instantly put an arm in front of her and shook his hands around like a madman to remind her that brute force was not needed this early in the mission. She sucked in her teeth. “Sorry.” Moxxie stood back and swung the longblade right through the knob. He took out everything else from the inside and left an empty socket that he can just pull back with no problem. They were now inside. The imp pointed his EMP gun at a camera on the corner and disabled it. 

Millie looked around the grand dining room and was filled with wonder as she circled around the room. The chandelier was bright and shiny, and the table appeared exceptionally organized. “Hoo boy, the President sure is a lucky fella! Just look at this, Mox! Our dinin’ room can look like this too once we’re rich!” That’s when Moxxie put a hand on her shoulder and reminded her to quiet down. “We’re already rich. Let’s keep going. One day, we’ll take a tour here together. But for now, we really need to find that tunnel.

She shook her head. “Mox. You’re really no fun. What the heck did that trip do to you?”   
Of course, Moxxie had to call bullshit. “The trip? Honey...let’s not argue about this anymore, and okay? This is quite literally the WORST TIME TO ARGUE!” He was throwing a whisper tantrum that can only be expressed through swift arm motions. 

Millie put her hands up. “Okay, okay. You’re right, damnit, you’re right, just like always. I just wish you were a lil’ more comforted by these sights right now.”

“WHILE WE’RE FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES!?”

Oh shit. Anybody that was twenty feet in earshot could definitely have heard that. Shortly after his outburst, Millie grabbed Moxxie by his mouth and shoved him underneath the table. She rolled in just in time. Suddenly, a random plump man with a beard and a three piece walked in. 

“Huh? Who said that?”

After realizing the room was deserted, he shrugged and shoved a muffin into his piehole. Millie slowly turned to her husband and hugged him close.

“Shh shh shh shh.”

Moxxie groaned. He did not want to be treated like a baby. The guy literally spent his whole life learning to behave in a more civil manner than the average person in Hell, yet he had the short fuse of a two year old toddler, and Millie was aware of it. So really, he had no choice but to conform to her nurture.

If he got a panic attack in the living world, that could be some really bad news.

\------------

Blitzo and Loona were gasping for air as they finally ran to the entrance of the Arlington National Cemetery. As Moxxie predicted, not a single soul was even present there. Their footwear was already muddy and even had some leaves stuck on them. They weren’t exactly the most in-shape members of the team. Both of them drank hard liquor practically everyday, and they were supposed to be father and daughter.

The imp extended his arm and pointed northeast from the sign. “T-This way...Fuck. Loona, I need some water…” She shook her head while panting heavily. “You are...such a crybaby…” Without looking, he flashed a bird in front of her face and collapsed onto the floor. There was no other choice for them but run as fast as they can. They did not want to stick around in one spot for too long. Otherwise, they would be caught. Same goes for here. They couldn’t stick around here for too long, but Blitzo insisted.

After finally catching his breath, he coughed and took out a blue liquid capsule. The imp swallowed it and stretched his legs. “Okay. We gotta keep moving.”

“Yeah, no shit, dumbass.”

“Fuck yourself, Loona.”

That’s as far as they got in their argument. Afterwards, they continued their way down to wherever the path would lead them. It was going the right direction, according to the map. What Blitzo couldn’t understand, however, was that one of these graves held the entrance, and it belonged to a man named John F. Kennedy.

The boss showed the map to Loona one more time. “Oh yeah, I know that guy. He banged a lot of chicks and became president before he got shot.”

“Did you learn this on the interwebs too?”

She shook her head. “Hell no. Living World History was an elective in tenth grade. Easiest credit of my life.”

Once again, Blitzo wanted to be wise with her. “Why is that? Did you show some brainiac your hoohoos?”

“No. That was Byron from ninth, and that was for Hell Geography. I had to take it up a notch for this one.”

That’s when Blitzo erupted in shock. “Wait, WHAT!?”

Loona bursted into laughter. “I’m fucking kidding! Haha, you should have seen the look on your stupid red face. Seriously though, what do you take me for these days? A whore?”

He shrugged. “Well, you have syphilis, don’t you? 

Unbeknownst to Blitzo, that small little factoid produced an enormous dark cloud over the hound’s head. “Don’t be an asshole, man. I got that from Jaron.”

“Jaron? You mean the dreamy guy you wouldn’t stop talking about back then?”

“Yep. I shot my shot and I thought I won, until he hit me with those STDs. Oh well, you lose some, you win herpes.”

A silence came over them. Blitzo was deeply concerned about how little he knew about his own hound. Loona just didn’t really wanna talk about it. At some point in her life, she really cared about the boys she would chase in her heyday. Unfortunately, that time was over with, and now she lived with the sad reality that Hell is never a bull market. It was multiple depressions combined together on a weekly basis, and it only adds insult to injury for her because she learned this from her elective too.

Suddenly, they saw a light at a very open space. When they got closer, they both recognized the light as the John F. Kennedy Eternal Flame. They had finally come across the burial ground. All they had to do now was figure out how to dig their way into the supposed tunnel underneath. First, they tried to lift the plates separately and altogether, but saw no avail. Secondly, they tried to put their ears against multiple spots on the path and knocked on them to see if they were hollow. That didn’t work either.

“Fuck! Well, we could try that.” The boss pointed to the flame.

He leaned over to it and tried to grab it and pull it like it was a lever, but it was too hot for him to handle. He yelped and let go swiftly, shaking his hand and blowing on it. Loona walked over to give it a try. Instead of holding the torch of the flame, she put her hands underneath the foundation and raised it up.

The entire thing came right off, and there lies the entrance to the tunnel. There was a ladder that supposedly led far down, but they couldn’t tell because it was dim looking from the outside. After her successful discovery, she took the torch out from the foundation and held it with her glove, which was handy for handling hot stuff.

As he finished blowing his wound, Blitzo turned to Loona and gave her a thumbs up with his good hand.

She nodded slowly. “Riiiiight. You okay?”

“Never felt better. Oh wait…” The boss got back on his feet and took a cigarette out from his breast pocket. He held it to the flame in Loona’s grip and lit it. Once he did that, he took a long puff and pointed to the tunnel. “Let’s get inside of that big wide opening.”

Loona’s eyelids came halfway as a result of her immeasurable disappointment. “Now you’re just forcing it. That’s not even---you know what? Get your ass up, we have a superweirdo to catch.” Blitzo finally found the will to stand up and followed his hound from above as they climbed down. Before he could advance any further, he reached for the burial vault and put it back in its place. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was hard making their way up, but the couple found themselves on the second floor. After going to the cross hall and entering the open door which led to a staircase, they were now at the closet hall. They could have stuck with the first floor, but unfortunately the RGB rooms were overcrowded with people. Two armchairs laid there in the open, with a view of the north portico and beyond right in front of them. Once again, Millie was dazzled. Moxxie, however, sat himself down and was occupied with looking through the schematics once more. By common sense, the tunnel should be hidden somewhere in the first floor, but as said before, there were too many people there. Moxxie thought perhaps they can wait it out and try again after a while, but they knew they were running out of time. 

He looked to Millie. “I don’t think they are going to leave anytime soon.”

She didn’t listen. She was too busy staring into the distance and contemplating to herself about a couple of things. After what felt like hours to Moxxie, she turned to him and put her finger up. The imp’s mouth opened, struggling to output words, until she finally put her finger down and shook her head. “Never mind. It can wait for when we get back.”

“If, we get back--”

Millie interrupted him, “Ah, don’t be such a wet blanket, Mox. Tell ya’ what, we’re trapped here in the closet hall, right?”

Her husband nodded.

She went over to sit next to him and took out two small bottles of what looked like some purple liquid “Look at the circumstances, I got some capsules, this place has some clothes, what say we stop hidin’ and start blendin’ in with the crowd? We don’t have to worry about being caught, and that’ll leave lotsa time to---”

“You’re seriously telling me you had capsules just now?”

Millie pinched his lips and continued, which was a huge no-no in their relationship. “That’ll leave lotsa time to find this guy and get the job done.”

He gripped her hand and slowly put it aside while making full eye contact with his wife. “I feel like you’re only taking this route because you want to go sightseeing.”

She only shrugged. “Is it that bad of an idea?”

The imp thought about it for a little more. He turned to the door and stared at it blankly. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a full five minutes, Moxxie and Millie were all dressed up in their own respective disguise. Along with that, you could even say they were all “fleshed up”. By swallowing the contents of their capsule, their skin appeared fleshier and their glowing yellow eyes were temporarily dimmed and colored white. Distinguished imp features, such as Moxxie’s white hair and freckles, were all recolored to resemble that of a regular human in the living world. He now sported a blonde look with brown freckles to go with it. The white spots on Millie’s hair were completely swallowed by the darkness. She was just as fleshy and pale as Moxxie was. Both of them, however, decided to stick with a professional look. Moxxie wore a tuxedo that resembled that of the Secret Service with the addition of an earpiece and shades. Millie wore something similar, but the blazer was left open, revealing a white buttoned shirt. They also believed it would be a good idea to put on some U.S flag pins on their breasts.

Millie stuffed the longblade and the axe into a large black duffel bag left by the table. Before making her way back, the disguised imp noticed a mirror by the wall. When she saw her reflection, Millie rubbed her hands together and turned her body to the side a little.. “Hot dog! This is freakin’ amazing! How come we don’t disguise ourselves as humans often?”

Moxxie walked over and handed her a black hat, but not before pointing at her horns. “That’s why, babe. Stay frosty, we’re making our way out.” They heard a knock on the door. The noise made both of their hearts jump, and they both looked at each other with their nerves as tingly as ever.

The door swung open. A dark-colored man with a black goatee and a red hat that spelled “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” invaded the room. Only a handful of those who resided in Hell would know him. In the living world, though, this man was a top celebrity. What was strange about this man was his comically baggy and dark clothes. He also had some strange footwear. Zebra print shoes with a red font across the shoe, which read “SPLY-350”. The man was as spooked as the couple were, and gasped when he found out the room was occupied with clothes spread all over the floor.

“Oh shit. I-I mean, oh shoot. Lord, forgive me, lord.” The man looked up to the ceiling and made a praying gesture to it. Once he had his little moment, he refocused to the two. “I’m sorry, y’all. I hope I wasn’t interrupting your...your thing. I seriously hope it wasn’t...premarital. W-Well, you know wh-what, I’m not gonna judge, y’all make y-your own decisions. It’s a free country. Ight, I’m...going to leave.” It didn’t help that he was slowly closing the door while staring at them funny. Talk about awkward. When he closed the door, however, Millie grabbed Moxxie by his shoulders and shook him like crazy.

“Oh my god! Did you see that!? We just met Kanye Westtttt!!!”

He forced her to let go of him and grabbed her by the hand. “To Hell with Kanye West, we have to leave right now!” They rushed through the door and tried contemplating whether to go left or right. Both sides of the hallway were occupied with officials, cabinet members, media press, etcetera. Instead, Moxxie pointed forward, and they both agreed to go there so as to not get caught or further interrogated about their presence.   
They barged right in and threw the door shut. Both of them held the door and started panting heavily. When their heads rose, they realized they just made a grave mistake.

The leader of the free world was right there on his desk, enjoying a club sandwich that was sent to him. He was frozen still, shocked that these two had the nerve to interrupt his private moment. 

Initially, the president did not take it as anything else other than a sign that something just happened, so he put the sandwich on his gold plate and stuck his hands out. “Well, I’m waiting. The hell is going on out there? Did Congress pass that prescription bill like I told them to? Did Adam Schiff leak something? By God, get on with it!”

Moxxie and Millie exchanged looks. None of them knew what to do, but they knew that whatever they came up on the spot, it was unlikely that it would fool the president. Despite the high risks, Moxxie decided to step forward and spit it out.

“Um...United States Presid--Mr. President...sir. We have a situation at the bottom of the White House. Something is running rampant in the tunnels, and--”

The President motioned Moxxie to zip it, to which he obliged. “Now listen here, you spineless schmuck. The next time you swing my doors open like that unannounced, it’ll be your ass. Believe me, it will be.”

Moxxie tried to plead. “Mr. President, I’m sorry, I--”

That’s when the POTUS raised an eyebrow. “Wait, I haven’t seen you before. Hell, I haven’t seen either of you two here, and I haven’t made a staff change in a while now. Who are you guys?”

The imp tugged his collar. “Uhm...I am Agent...Max, and this is Agent--”

That’s when Millie took a step forward. “Agent Milfred! At your service, sir!”

The President scratched his head. “Funny, you don’t look Scandinavian.”

The couple blinked. They were unsure of what to do about that, because neither of them really understood the terminology here. For some inexplicable reason, their silence became their most powerful weapon, as the President began feeling a little nervous from his indirectly nonsensical yet strong remark.

“I-I’m sorry about that. I would have said that name wasn’t gender-neutral either, but it’s a new age we live in.” 

They were still confused, but Millie decided to go with it anyway. “That’s quite alright, sir. I apologize on behalf of my hu--my friend for the whole door incident. Is it ok if I continue?”

Then another person opened the door and closed it right behind him. It was an elderly man in a similar suit. That’s it. Just a white haired man with no distinguished physical feature I can think of right now. Sorry. Once again, this isn’t intentional. But you have to ask yourself, if you were to describe Mike Pence, would you really go any further than this? 

“Mr. Trump, I’m afraid Kanye West has left the building abruptly.”

President Trump gave him a strange look. “What? Why?”

The vice president tried to explain the dilemma. “Apparently, he claimed he has ‘royally eff’ed up’ just now, and he says he’s going to the First Christ Church to repent his sins.”

“Well does it have anything to do with me? Is he going blue on me or something?”

Pence shrugged. “Not sure, sir. Perhaps he just wanted to play it safe.”

“D-Did you all give him an umbrella? It’s terrible weather out there right now. Terrible.”

“We offered him one. He said he didn’t need it for the rainstorm. Said he feels it fade.”

Trump sighed. “Very well then.”

The VP nodded and made his way for the door, but before he could leave, he stood there for a long time, having a serious realization and turned back to the President. Pence looked at the imps then looked back at the President. His glare made the couple feel very queasy. 

“By the way, sir…”

“Yes?”

“...we’re having ice cream later. How many scoops do you want?”

Trump showed him two by his fingers. “Two scoops. I get two.”

“Very well sir.” He gave him one of those crooked smiles and left the room. They were all left alone once again, hopefully without another interruption.

The President focused his attention back to the supposed agents. “Yes, you may continue.” 

Millie smiled. “Thank you, sir. You see, we believe a bunch of rodents found their way in and are raiding the pantry from the inside. It’s an inside job, sir. We are asking your permission to go down to the tunnels for the purpose of exterminating these rodents.” It was way too freaky for Moxxie to listen to his wife without her signature accent. However, he did have to give her props. She clearly knew what she was doing, and she was going to be the key to the tunnels.

Trump had a little bit of time to think about it, but it didn’t take too long for him to greenlight the idea. “Very well. I will send an escort in to take you fine folks there. Or do you both already know your way?”

Moxxie shrugged. “Well, we’re new here and everything...heh heh.” He and Millie shared forced laughter together. 

“Alright. Let me just call them in.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loona and Blitzo were already fifteen minutes into the tunnel. It was an hour in walking distance, but they made one-fourth progress thus far. The boss was stretching his arms, getting ready for the fight of his life...which was pretty much the fight FOR his life. 

The hound was not pleased by the stench that laid inside. “Goddamn, it smells like crusty feet and sardines in here. And this is supposed to be a presidential convenience? Fuck outta here. I’m sure they could add some air freshener to that budget of theirs.”

Blitzo snickered. “Yeah. Social Security? Really? What a fucking joke.”

A silence fell over them, which left the floor open for many topics. One of which was obviously going to be about Loona’s problems, and the boss was going to make sure he was there to talk about it with her.

He fired the first shot. “So...do you wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” The hound said, without even making a single change of expression or even a slight tilt of her head.

“You know...Shraps. Your girlfriend?” 

Loona groaned, but Blitzo insisted they continue on with this.

“No, I’m being serious right now. This isn’t playtime Blitz, this is serious Blitz. Before you kicked her out of my own briefing room, she actually showed up to spend quality time...with me!”

“She came all the way to the HQ just to spend quality time with you. Is that really what you believe?”

Blitzo shook his head. “No no no, I mean, she was going to find you eventually and try talking you out of whatever bullshit you two are dealing with right now, but then she saw me playing by myself.”

“Ew.”

“I said playing by myself, not with myself. Get your nasty ass mind out of the gutter, Loona!”

“Look, if you’re taking her side just to guilt trip me and the rest about not playing that stupid card game with you, forget it. We left the room because Moxxie was teaching me how to shoot shit. And it wasn’t him doing his job, it was him doing it because I explicitly asked him to.”

Blitzo scoffed. “You, shooting lessons? Really? I thought I already taught you how to shoot?”

“That’s the thing about you, man. You think you did your duty just because you spend minimal time on something, and you never think back on whether or not you should follow it up. All you did was point at a few bottles and tell me to pull the trigger. Anybody over the age of four can do that. You don’t like to play quality control, because you have never stared quality in its eyes.”

“Oh fuck off.”

“You want me to fuck off, but you know deep down I’m right. When it comes to you, it’s never about how good we do things, it’s about how much time it takes from our lives, and it’s clear you didn’t care enough about me or the company to teach me a second time. And don’t say we don’t care about you. We spent more time with you in the briefing room that day much more than you spent time teaching me how to shoot, and you know it…”

Blitzo sighed.

“...but you know what?”

He looked back at her. “What?”

“You did a good job leading us after the party. We really needed someone to lead, and you did just that.”

“Weren’t you the one who came up with the idea?”

“And weren’t you the one who approved it? Do you even know where we are right now?”

“Yeah, we’re in a crusty feet-sardines-skeet smelling tunnel right now.”

Loona shook her head. “Nope. We are in Washington D.C. We’re in the place where a nation makes their most crucial decisions. Right here. And you know how they make those decisions?”

The boss responded sarcastically. “How? Please, do tell.” 

“Congress, the people who propose an idea, approve it altogether and send it to the president. Taking your own example and cramming it into this shitshow, what do you think happens?”

“What?”

“He approves of it. He is the one who greenlights the idea. So guess what that makes you?”

“A preside--”

“Yes, a president. You are the president. Guess who gets credit for all those ideas?”

“The preside--”

“President.”

“Damn. Do we thank ‘Byron’ for that piece of information? Heh.” 

The idea of Blitzo being called a president for his ability made him blush red. He couldn’t believe Loona, the hound that he raised for the majority of her life, was complimenting him and comparing him to one of the most important titles in the world right now. But he did not want to get off topic.

“Wait, wait. We still need to talk about Shraps. She told me what happened, but now I want to hear it from you.”

The hound sighed. “She wanted me to leave with her. I said no. She asked again, and it seriously pissed me off that she was doing that to me once again. It’s fine, though, I know where I messed up. I genuinely believed I can keep working in Imp City and have a relationship with someone who is stationed at the fucking mother of all cities.”

Blitzo clicked his tongue. “Huh. Well...what if we just moved the company elsewhere?”

Loona gasped. “Blitz. I-I don’t know if I can do that to y--”

“Pssh. I really don’t mind. Plus, our place is already trashed and full of semen. Trust me, I checked with Moxxie this morning. If you ever check in to a hotel, bring a blue light with you because holy shit.

She glanced down at her feet while walking. “You would really do that? Just so I can be with her?”

He didn’t confirm this. “Well, I did say that there was a lot of shit, even literal shit, like poop, and semen all over the place. But hearing about this kind of makes it inevitable now. Hell, we don’t even need an HQ. We just need a small spot to store our weapons and a private spot for the ritual.

That caught Loona by surprise. “Wait...so you’re telling me you don’t want over a dozen rooms at your convenience anymore? That stupid phase is over with?”

“Yeppers. To be honest with you, I thought it was pretty cliche the moment we purchased the place.”

Loona smiled, and so did the boss. They finally found a potential solution to her worries. Solving the issue, however, took them back to the contract that they were tasked with finishing. The ‘daughter’ of the dynamic decided to tackle it. “So...how long before we find this guy? Baby dick and Millie literally have only a few minutes of walking distance.”

He shrugged. “We came here seventeen minutes ago. It’ll be a while. For the time being, stay on alert. Baldy could be roaming the tunnel right now, so he could be closer than we’d think.”

Loona sighed. “Fuck me. Hey, while we’re at it, let’s learn a little more about each other. Get those secrets out, you know?”

That kind of put the imp on ease. “Um...alright, but the one asking should be the one to start. That’s pretty fair.”

She obliged, and they were off to the races. “Okay, you know how a long time ago you punched that one guy in the face because you accused him of pickpocketing your wallet? I was like seven or something.”

Blitzo cocked a brow. “Yeaaaah?”

“Well that was me. I snuck into your room one night when you fell asleep on the couch and watched The Italian Job, so I was really into robbing things at the time. You basically got arrested because of me, heh.”

“What!? Loona!!!” The boss screeched in unfathomable anger.

“Oh yeah, and I even watched this one guy you had on one of your tapes. He’s that spider guy named after a drug. You know, An—“

“You watched a full on porno...at SEVEN!?”

Loona shrugged. “Well it wasn’t the first time.”

That only shocked Blitzo even more. He did not realize just how horrible he was at hiding things, but just hearing about these stories made him realize that perhaps he was not the most ideal father figure to the pup. Just a nudge less ideal. 

“Jesus Harold Christ. Ok, here I go. You know how I told you that your father was a—-“

She put a hand up. “Woah woah woah woah! Okay, let’s put that aside. But please, continue.”

“Well, it turns out that he isn’t that. He was actually a pizza delivery guy that stumbled onto the hustle by accident.”

“Wow. That’s pretty damn typical of him. You also told me he perished in a freak accident, is that true?”

He was put on the spot, and that made him feel very uneasy. “Umm...technically yes...if that freak accident just happened to be...suicide in the living world?”

Loona did not even give him a single change on her expression. She just shrugged it off. “Well that’s unfortunate of him.”

“Damn, you don’t even know the guy. How can you hate him that much?”

“I mean, he and my mom pretty much left me for adoption. I really don’t have any respect for them whatsoever, you know what I mean?”

Blitzo nodded. “Yeah...except your mom is still alive.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“We actually stumbled across each other in a grocery store last year. She was actually a nice person...at first. I don’t remember much except for when she slowly drifted off into the deep end and told me that she did not want anything to do with you anytime soon. I guess she blames you for that whole…”

“Post pregnancy body? Yeah, boo fucking hoo. Makeup can trim a couple of pounds. Or she can just work in the BBW section. Big fucking whoop.”

Blitzo chuckled, followed by a surprisingly adorable giggle from Loona. She instantly put her paw to her mouth to suppress it, but it was too late. The imp went “Awwww!”

“Oh fuck off. Come on, let’s go a few more rounds.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Right this way, sir. Madam.”

One of the officials led the couple into the East Room, where a noticeable bumpy tile laid underneath one of the tables. He lifted it up for them and instructed them to go inside. 

“I understand you have everything you need in that duffel bag?”

Millie nodded, gripping the strap that went over her shoulder. The official clapped his hands together. “Oookay. Looks like you two know what you’re doing. Just let us know if you need anything.

He turned around and left the room. The couple climbed down into the passage, where multiple lights exposed the length of the tunnel. It was long, but they couldn’t distinguish a bald man with an eyepatch.

They began their journey into the unknown, where their target will be trapped on both ends. The only thing stopping them from killing this target was themselves.

As Moxxie and Millie made their way down, the powerhouse shifted her attention to the blank face on the weapons specialist.

“Mox, you alright?”

“Yeah yeah, let’s just find this guy, kill him, and get back to our normal lives. Just the two of us.”

Damnit. He was being subtle once again. This was no longer tolerable to her. 

“Goddamnit, Moxxie—“

He pumped the brakes and threw a fit. “I KNOW, I KNOW! FINE!”

Although Moxxie continued on, Millie was not ready to let go as long as the problem remained unsolved. “Are you really that stubborn? Sweetie, I expect that level of pettiness from Loona, and maybe even Blitz, but you? Aren’t you the one that agreed to stay on the same page? What happened to that? Has the page flipped?”

Moxxie ignored her.

“So that’s why you’ve been actin’ so damn mad all day. Well you can stay mad, because we came to an agreement, whether you like it or not.”

“Hey, Millie.”

“What?”

“Remember when I asked you about the package, and you confirmed whatever I asked before I even asked what it was?”

“Yessiree. Finally, we’re gettin’ to somethin’ releva—“

“You understood what I was going to say, right? It was another sawed off shotgun, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yep, mhm. The one you were talkin’ about the other day.”

He wasn’t finished, however. “Where did you put it? I assume you put it somewhere in the house.”

“Well, I put it on the desk, like you always do.”

That’s when Moxxie stopped and laughed. The laughter of the imp was starting to scare Millie now. It didn’t help that Moxxie went from casual laughing to cackling, along with the additional fact that he was mow cackling like a maniac.

“Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ffffffuuuuuucccccccckkkkk! I did it!”

She was ultimately confused. “Did what?”

“I caught you red-handed.”

“W-W-What do you mean?” Millie was now being accused of something, and she didn’t like it. “Millie, I told you that there was going to be an order that day, but what I never told you was that I made it up. A few days back, when you wanted me to unplug the phone from the charger and hand it to you because you didn’t want to get up, a notification said your delivery was set for two days after. I know you ordered something, which was weird because you never order anything, despite the fact that I set up your account a long time ago. I had to interrogate, so I faked an order for the same day and had you go get it. You never came to me after that, and that’s when I knew you were hiding something huge from me.”

Millie stood there, frozen by the complete accuracy of his words. She was in fact hiding something from him.

“So, honey, now I want to ask you, and I want you to be perfectly honest. What did you order?

Her legs trembled.

“I uh...just got a few blades I was dyin’ to get, and—“

“Nope. Try again.”

The response practically fried her brain. He caught her once again. “W-whu...how did you know?”

Moxxie shrugged. “Just tell me, Millie. I am always frank with you. I just want you to be the same.”

Millie sighed and sat herself down. “I can’t tell you. But I swear, Moxxie, I-I’m not cheating on you or anythi—“

That’s when he chuckled. “Heh, no, I know. Look, I already know what you ordered, okay? I made a quick stop to the house before I came back. Just had to pay the bus driver extra for patience.”

She gasped. “You did WHAT!? Moxxie, why did you do that!?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I was just curious to find out! But look, this is what surprises me the most.”

That’s when he pulled something out of one of his belt pockets and showed it to her. Millie was flat out embarrassed when she saw it right there and then.

It was a pregnancy test. 

Then he pulled out a few more of them. Five pregnancy tests.

Millie wanted to slap herself across the face for being caught in such a trivial manner, but instead, she smirked and nodded at her husband. “Well played, sweetie.”

He erupted in a cheer and hugged his wife. They embraced, knowing that they were now on the same page. The truth is, Millie did some thinking after Moxxie was gone, and she found that there is a future where they both can have what they wanted, and it all came from a drunken revelation between Millie and her boss.

Speaking of which, she pulled from the hug because she wasn’t exactly finished yet. “We can have our babies...on one condition.” Moxxie nodded. “Anything.”

“Blitz said we could move operations closer to Pentagram City. That’s not even far from the Hills huh?” Moxxie’s eyes widened. “Wait...you want us to keep working there?”

Millie gave him a face of disapproval, but shortly after, he put his arm around her. “Very well then. We can keep working with him for a little more—“

“Minimum of five years.”

“Yeah sure, minimum of five years. Oh my goodness, Millie. We’re really gonna do it. We’re really going to have our—“

They heard footsteps.

Instantly, the two faced forward and took their weapons from the open duffel bag. They pushed it aside and got in their respective stances.

It was him. The telekinetic man. There was a major set of differences between last time and today. The man not only had a long black gown that covered a part of the major wound to his chest, but he was left leaning over in absolutely horrible posture with a limp in his walk. He was also ghastly pale and growing a little bit of stubble along with some hair on the top. From where they were, he did not look like the intimidating supervillain that he was once depicted as. He just looked plain sick and tired. Regardless, the man was not going to be spared by the couple.

That’s when a paired set of footsteps came from behind him, along with a warm light.

A familiar voice boomed across the tunnel. “Wazzup, bitches!?” 

It was Blitzo. Loona was there with him, and she had her uzis out already. She threw the torch to the side and got a proper grip on the right side gun. 

The boss cocked his own gun and pointed it at the man.

“Hello, Baldy. Or should I say...Shavey?”

Millie’s somewhat unenthusiastic voice could be heard from the other side. “That was a good one, sir!”

The telekinetic man shook his head. 

“I’ve been running this whole time from you four, recuperating from my mortal wounds. I guess you all finally decided to catch up with me now. And before I kill you all for good this time, I just want to remind you, I have a name, but you can now call me Psyguy.”

Loona scoffed. “Real fucking original, Shavey!”

Moxxie joined in on the verbal assault. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m getting tired of wasting time talking to Shavey! Let’s put away the chatter and KICK HIS ASS!”

They all yelled in unison around Psyguy. “YEAH!!!”

Then they all rushed him.


	22. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally comes face to face with their telekinetic target. It’s all high stakes...high reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter to date...again. Man, I am really rolling out with these long ass chapters! I hope you enjoy!

The telekinetic man shook his head. 

“I’ve been running this whole time from you four, recuperating from my mortal wounds. I guess you all finally decided to catch up with me now. And before I kill you all for good this time, I just want to remind you, I have a name, but you can now call me Psyguy.”

Loona scoffed. “Real fucking original, Shavey!”

Moxxie joined in on the verbal assault. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m getting tired of wasting time talking to Shavey! Let’s put away the chatter and KICK HIS ASS!”

They all yelled in unison around Psyguy. “YEAH!!!”

Then they all rushed him. Blitzo, Loona, Moxxie, and Millie all took out their own weapons and had them ready. A plasma AK, plasma uzis, plasma longblade, and a plasma axe. They felt at least one of them should inflict some serious damage. For Psyguy, however, he did not have to do anything but stand still and display his might.

“So be it.” 

He remained where he was and concentrated good and hard. Meanwhile, Blitzo and Loona fired their respective guns and sprayed him with a sea of bullets. In his mind, time was completely still, and all he had to go was hold back all of their ammunition at once. While they were unloading their clip to no avail, Millie charged her axe and was ready for the rematch she was staying up all night for. Unfortunately, their opponent would ensure he would never struggle like he previously did with the powerhouse of the team. He stuck his hand out and lifted her up with his brain power gripping the axe. She gasped, as the edge of her blade drew closer and closer to the ceiling of the tunnel system.

Big mistake.

With the addition of the plasma properties, the minor collision was amplified by a thousand, and created an explosive pulse that sent everybody back by a couple of yards. Suddenly, the bullets that were held back by the telekinetic target were headed right towards Blitzo and Loona. They shared a collective scream and held each other’s hand tightly...fortunately the bullets overshot both of them by an inch and flew into the abyss of darkness. Moxxie was less lucky, however. He was of course startled by the pulse, but was screaming when he felt the longblade slip from his fingers and was headed right behind him. All it took was a plop for all five of them to get sent back even further. Because he was here to feel the brunt of it, Moxxie was sent forward about a dozen yards and landed right behind Blitzo and Loona. They all groaned, while Millie slowly got back up to her feet. Unbeknownst to her, the man was trying to get back up to his feet as well. Once the two realized they were in close proximity, they froze for a while, until eventually both of them took something out. Millie dug fast into her pocket for a match and one of her cherry bombs, while Psyguy raised his hand and pulled Millie’s axe towards them. The imp, however, beat him to it, and threw the cherry bomb right at him. Luckily for the villain, he ducked right underneath its path. Unfortunately for the villain, the bomb was thrown right at the blade of the axe. 

Before they even knew it, the place was filled with fire and smoke. As they all were once again tossed around like ragdolls, the ceiling above them collapsed, inevitably allowing a river of water to enter and chase all of them at rapid speed. The team got up together and ran from the immediate danger. However, none of them noticed the man pull a pipe right towards him. He dropped it onto the floor and hopped right on top of it. This clever trick resulted in him experiencing the surf of his life, balancing on a smooth surface pipe. Now that the high ground was at his advantage, he grabbed a handful of small steel balls and juggled them around with his telekinetic powers. From there, Psyguy sent the balls flying towards the team, trying to stab them right through with hard force. Instead, Millie turned around and threw another cherry bomb to distract the man, but not before taking a steel ball right into her back. She shrieked in pain, and was restricted into a limp as she continued advancing from the water. Moxxie looked back and tried to run after her, but froze when he realized the cherry bomb was about to explode, and so it did. The steel balls were sent flying everywhere, but they were pulled from behind the major explosion, which sent Millie straight towards Moxxie’s arms. Without communication, he carried her and ran for their lives. Psyguy, on the other hand, surfed right through the explosion and kept the steel balls swerving around. Blitzo tried to shoot right behind him, but with the lack of a clear line of sight, the bullets were only pulled into the swirling balls. The target now had even more projectiles to work with, so he sent them right towards them.

Everybody felt that tingle of danger, so the boss shouted “DOWN!” and everybody followed his order. They all stopped still and were overtaken by the wave. While Psyguy believed that he had this round won, Moxxie and Millie found their weapons in the water and tried to swim towards each other, but it was difficult when the water was rushing in fast. After a little more effort, they found each other and clanked their weapons together.

The pulse was too much. It absolutely demolished the floor together and crashed the ceiling from a mile radius. It also sent all five of them flying high with the water, until they all fell onto a large cruise that was in the middle of the tour. The sprinkle of water, combined with their bodies falling hard onto the boat, created a sense of panic for every passenger on board. As everybody supposedly tried to run inside and hide for their lives. Blitzo got up and reloaded his gun with another clip to waste on the target. Soon after, Millie and Loona raised themselves from the floor. They were on top of the South End, while Moxxie was stuck in the very top of the boat. He held his head and felt a stream of blood coming down his face. Sadly, the imp took way too long up there, because his agony was soon strengthened when he felt the foot of Psyguy on his back. The force of the kick sent the imp onto the second floor. The landing was so hard, it made him crash through the wooden tiles and onto the rails of the first floor. His body was slowly sliding right into the water until his legs were caught by the paws of Loona, with Millie there to help him up.

“Come on, you baby dick bastard! HEAVE!”

Millie grabbed him by his waist and lifted him right up. “HO!”

Once he was set on the floor of the cruise, he shook his head around and regained his consciousness. Moxxie was assisted to his feet by their hands, and pointed at the top. “I lost my sword. It’s right up there with the target!”

Millie nodded and pulled out another cherry bomb from her pocket. 

During all the commotion, Blitzo had his gun out and was ready to put a couple of holes into Psyguy, but first he had to ensure that they were going to remain out of sight from the public. He broke into the captain’s room and spooked both already-spooked captains.

The one on the right seat stood up and wagged his finger at the imp. “Get the fuck out of here! Fucking lea----what the fuck are you?” Without a response, Blitzo aimed his AK at the aggressive captain and sent him back with a load of bullets through his chest. The other captain was scared out of his seat as he tried to run past Blitzo, but the boss quickly pulled up on him and shot him through the chest as well. Now he had a hold of the cruise, and was happy to see that there weren't any curves or turns in their course. He set the boat to autopilot and rushed out of the blood-splattered room.

A party that consisted of Moxxie, Millie, and Loona were now running up the stairs hastily, trying to surround the target and put an end to his life. When they both tried to climb up to the top, however, they all screamed once they saw a rather large antenna fall down on them. Millie processed this fast and pulled out her axe to deflect the object. Once her axe brushed against the antenna, all the energy sent it back towards the water. They all continued their way up, but they were all shocked to see that the man was nowhere to be seen. He must have found his way inside with all the passengers.

Loona’s eyes widened. “Oh fuck.”

Then it happened.

For some strange reason, the group fell down onto the floor as they felt the force of the boat pull right against them. Loona screamed at the top of her lungs. “HE’S CARRYING THIS FUCKING BOAT!” The realization that he was lifting the boat greatly alarmed the team, especially Blitzo, who was right by the staircase to the bottom when he fell to the floor. The three that were on top finally regained their balance and stared right down. Every single one of them nearly fell when they saw the entirety of the cemetery grounds from where they were. The cruise was that high right now. 

Blitzo was unsure where to go. Unlike everybody else, he didn’t know whether or not Shavey was controlling this boat from the top. And he especially didn’t know how to react when he heard three separate thuds from outside. He was glad to see it was his team, trying to crawl their way inside of the cruise. First he saw Loona making her way in, gritting her teeth, while the couple followed from behind. 

“What the fuck is going on out there?”

While clinging onto the floor, Moxxie pointed down to the staircase. “He’s with them right now, sir! We need to go catch him!” After those words departed from Moxxie’s lips, the boss raised himself to his bottom and scooted down the stairs. Everybody else tried to crawl their way in. Once the boss was all the way down, he heard shrieks around him. Innocent people, holding their loved ones closed, including the children. This otherwise tear-jerking encounter merely got a groan from Blitzo, as he pulled out his gun and incited even more screams.

“Alright, I’m looking for a big guy ‘round here. Shaved head, huge asshole, you may know him because he was the only human that fell onto the boat.” Nobody said anything. They looked around and did certain signals to tell him that he is not present with them. Some shrugs, some shaken heads, and some squints.

“Oh, come on. You’re telling me he is not here? At all? That is a big pile of sh--”

Suddenly, he was tackled down to the ground out of nowhere. 

It was Psyguy, and he had a knife in his hand. The target conserved his powers for the sake of carrying the boat, so instead he tried to lodge the blade into the imp’s throat to no avail. Blitzo could tell he was desperate to end this once and for all, considering the popped veins on the man’s head. Psyguy tried to stab him through the shoulder this time, and he succeeded. The imp stifled a scream, holding his hand to his mouth and using the other to quickly pull it out before it gets worse. Alas, his attempt was thwarted by the grip of Psyguy, who charged back for a haymaker across his cheek.

Instead, he was shot through the back. The crowd of people gasped, as Loona came to the rescue. Sadly, she only had four bullets to pierce him with. She discharged the clip and tried to reload a new one, but then everybody at the bottom of the boat started levitating.

Either that, or the boat was falling down.

Moxxie peaked his head from around the corner of the staircase. “BRACE YOURSELVES!”

Everybody screamed as the boat sped up. It was only a matter of time before the cruise would be buried underneath the water. That’s when they heard sirens outside. Oh shit. The city was now under lockdown, meaning the capital was deploying units right now to resolve the supposed hijack.

Blitzo swam in the air and instructed his team to leave the staircase. When they left, they all banged their heads on the ceiling of the first floor. They shook it off and tried to make their way out through the door. There wasn’t much time left. With the rest of their strength, the I.M.P threw themselves out the door and into the air. The team formed a circle as they witnessed the entire cruise dive into the water.

The boss sighed. “Phew. I’m glad that’s over wi--HOLY FUCK!”

Psyguy made it out at the last minute and was now swimming towards land. Loona was baffled by the fact that she was unable to kill the target. She reloaded the clip and shot into the river as they braced for impact. The bullets shot through the water and caught the man’s attention from above. The hound wasn’t done, howev--

And they fell into the water.

Millie gurgled as she moved her arms around trying to get herself out of the situation. It was unfortunate that she couldn’t swim, but that didn’t stop her from trying. Once he opened his eyes, Moxxie took notice of this and swam towards the struggling imp. He carried her in his arms and carried themselves up to the surface. As they caught their breath, they were rudely met by a number of bullets coming right at them from yards away. They both gasped and got back into the water, ducking from danger.

When they returned, they instantly noticed Blitzo and Loona chasing the man into land. “Damnit, he’s getting away!” Moxxie swam themselves towards Psyguy at a slower rate than all three of them.

Millie unsheathed her axe slowly and raised it up to the skies behind them. “Hang on, sweetie! I hope you brought your flight goggles!”

Then she swung it down with the blade facing flat. The axe slapped the surface of the water and pushed the couple high into the air. They both bellowed as Millie was ready to cut the target in half. Shortly before they were getting there, Psyguy turned around at the right time and stuck his hand out. He had Millie’s axe in his hold, forcing her to stay in mid-air and forcing Moxxie to fly towards nowhere. 

“Uh oh.”

With a swift motion, he sent her flying and screeching towards the cemetery, where she would land and roll violently. “Umpf! Ugh! Agh!” It roughed her up and put the cherry on top when she banged her head right on one of the tombstones. The axe stumbled through the ground too and was sent all the way to the same tombstone, where it cut inches above Millie’s head, nearly decapitating her. 

Now was the time for the persistent target to take control of the fight. Moxxie had just fallen deep into the water after a dangerously elevated dive, Loona and Blitzo were restricted from utilizing their guns due to the looming certainty that Psyguy would just repossess their ammunition and reset their course towards the duo, and Millie, the only team member that stood in his way, was knocked unconscious by a disturbingly close brush with death. The experiment held all the cards.

And so, he swam back to shore and marched his way up to the cemetery. It took a lot longer for Blitzo and Loona to get back, since they had to make sure Moxxie was okay. Luckily, he was just startled, which was a lot better than being injured in any way. The three now swam together in synchronized fashion. They all wanted a piece of him, and their desire to maim the target was only further strengthened by the sight of a blacked out Millie. The husband ran a little faster and got down to attend to his wounded wife. 

“Fuck. Millie? Millie! MILLIE!” Moxxie shook her to the point where he started fearing for her life. 

She woke up, however. Although he was glad to see she was okay, it was nauseating when she felt the top of her head and drew blood. That head wound really disoriented her, as she struggled to keep her eyes open under the glowing eyes of Moxxie. Millie was broken to the point where she didn’t even feel the rain around her body, for her mind was too fixated on recovering her blurry vision. It was all a nightmare to her.

Blitzo tugged Moxxie’s hand and held the imp as he carried Millie in his arms. “Hurry up! The bastards about to leave!” 

Everybody was now chasing Psyguy, and it was essentially the inverse of what had transpired beneath the ground. With the team on their tail and on their feet, Loona readied her uzis and dispensed bullet after bullet, trying to take the target down. The worst aspect of an uzi really shined in this scenario, as the dispersal of the bullets were too great for them to come down to the center of her direction. He then turned to the left and ran right into a parking lot. Everybody shifted their course to the left, and none of them even realized that they were in the northern parking lot of the famed Pentagon building. Although the cemetery was a ghost town (quite literally), the Pentagon was full of all types of cars. Psyguy noticed two distinct men making their way inside their cars, which is when he hatched an idea. He once again took out the silver spheres from his pocket and sent them right towards them. With his mind, they went right inside their gullets and ravaged their insides with their static-like velocities, catching the two by surprise and sending them down to the pavement to be left internally bleeding. 

From there, he took one of the men’s car keys and opened a red pickup truck. Suddenly, he was swarmed by bullets from both Blitzo and Loona, who were right behind the car. A second later, he put it in reverse and stepped on it, ramming the two right underneath and sending them through the roof of the car. They rolled down through his windshield and landed hard on the ground. Moxxie then threw his longblade with one hand and hit the car directly through the backdoor. From there, a pulse violently sent the car back and onto its side while Blitzo and Loona were slow to get up. Whilst doing so, the boss took the car keys from the other victim and slowly limped his way towards the second car, a Nissan Leaf. Loona hopped over the hood and got shotgun. Moxxie opened the passenger door and threw Millie in with caution, trying his best to prevent her concussion from getting any worse. He closed the door behind them and the boss put the car in reverse.

“Shit, shit, shit. Wait...SHIT!” Blitzo looked into the rearview mirror and noticed that Psyguy already flipped his car over. Now that he thought about it, it was pretty obvious that was going to happen considering he had just lifted a boat a hundred feet above the Potomac River. The target slammed the gas and made his way out towards South Washington Blvd. In a haste, Blitzo backed the car out and drove it to pursue Psyguy. They were now at a car chase that made its way into the streets. 

“Loona!”

She nodded, even without Blitzo even saying anything else. “I’m on it.” She rolled the window down and shot through the rearview window of the pickup truck. Unfortunately, it was very small, so she would have to be very accurate with the gun.

After the rest of her second clip was dried out by the inaccuracy, she growled and threw the uzi out back, where it nearly hit Moxxie square in the face. “LOONA! WATCH WHERE YOU FUCKING THROW THAT THING!” The volume of his voice was enough to catch Millie’s attention, as she slowly sat herself up and rubbed her eyes open. The imp looked around and turned to Moxxie.

“W-W-Where’s my axe, hun?”

…

If looks can kill, Moxxie would be obliterated by the gaze coming from Millie’s increasingly red eyes. She grabbed him by the jacket and let all the bottled up anger out. “YOU LOST MY AXE!?”

Loona groaned and held it up for Millie to see. Moxxie was dumbfounded by the reveal that she had it with her this whole time. “Here. At least somebody on this team can do their job. Now Blitz, give me your point-45. I need something small.”

The driver tossed the gun to her seat and instantly focused back to the road. Cars were honking all around them as the two vehicles made their way into the 14th St Bridge. It was a toll road, but it was made redundant as the cars ran over the gate and cautioned a poor night guard who wasn’t getting paid enough for this. Loona peeked her head out of the window again and shot through the back window once more. One shot went. Another shot went. It didn’t seem like she was getting any closer to his head, but she insisted on trying some more. Another shot exploded from the barrel and it seemed like a perfect shot, since it went right through the headrest. The car ahead of them started slowing down, and the entire team (with the exception of a physically and mentally drained Millie) cheered. 

Blitzo was ready to pump the brakes, but then he took another good look and stopped himself from stopping the car. “Wait…”

A head peaked from the seat and gave the whole group a side view. It was a smirk coming from Psyguy himself. Before they knew it, he slammed the gas pedal once more and began distancing himself further and further away from the I.M.P. Moxxie pointed to the truck and screamed. “GET THAT BASTARD! GET HIM! GO GO GO GO!”

Before he slammed his foot on it, he tilted his head a little and matched his employee’s screams. “ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!”

The car sped up, but it was not enough to close the gap any faster. Moxxie shrieked once more and grabbed his hair tightly. “WHY DID WE GET INSIDE A NISSAN LEAF!?”

The car then swerved to the left as it passed through the Watergate Steps and pulled Loona’s head right inside, causing the hound to fall back right next to an already flustered Blitzo. The car swerved a little, but regained course as the boss pushed Loona away. Normally, this is the part where she would mutilate him and talk down to him, but she was so invested in finally killing the target that she peeked her head back through and continued firing. 

Moxxie and Millie looked at each other. They felt like they knew exactly what to do, but they needed some help. “Sir! We need you to open that sunroof immediately!”

Both cars in the chase were going over 90 mph. It was not helping that they were hitting curve after curve, but they were closing the gap over time. Blitzo looked at the rearview mirror and nodded. With the press of a button, the roof slowly opened, and the couple took separate turns climbing towards the roof of the car. Once they were on top, Moxxie nearly had lost his balance and nearly fell over to get swallowed by the freeway, but Millie held his hand and kept him straight.

They had their weapons in their hands, and they were very close to the pickup truck. After a couple more seconds keeping their balance on top, they heard a heavy bump right beneath them. The two vehicles were finally that close to each other, as the Nissan Leaf rear-ended Psyguy and forced them to a slow yet hard stop. Moxxie and Millie nearly fell from the roof, but they both sunk their nails into the car and lifted themselves back up. The vehicles were losing speed. They were now down to 40mph. 

Moxxie looked to Millie and gripped her hand. “NOW!”

Under his command, both imps leaped over and barely made it inside the back of the pickup truck. Psyguy instantly turned around and mouthed a “No” as his big wide eyes focused on Moxxie and Millie taking their weapons out. At the same time, they both swung their weapons down.

The force of the impact was enough to send both cars to the side of the road. As Moxxie and Millie were sent back out to land on their feet, Blitzo and Loona hopped out of the back just in time. They both got on their feet as they witnessed the Nissan Leaf and the pick-up truck roll through a bunch of trees. In a matter of seconds, the entire wreck burst into flames, which made a few of the trees catch fire. Blitzo got on his knees and threw his fists up. “We...are....victorious…” The boss was still catching his breath as the other group members remained vigilant. 

But before they realized it, a shadowy figure emerged from the fire. It was Psyguy. He was still on his feet, alive and well. Well, not exactly well. The guy did catch a little fire around his arms, but he put them out fast enough. It made him reminisce of their first encounter, when the explosion back at the hospital burned half of his face. And now here they all were, back to square one.

They transitioned from the tunnels to a cruise to the water to the cemetery to the streets. And now? They were all standing on the grounds of Rock Creek. 

Psyguy took off his soaked shirt and threw it to the side, unveiling his bulk stature. 

Moxxie sighed. “Had enough yet? We’re short on time, so we’ll have to stay here to finish our business.

The target scoffed. “That’s right. You folks are very resolute people. I’m not surprised, though. That bounty is more than enough for the four of you to chase a man to the outskirts of D.C. I hate to tell you guys, but neither of you are going to make it out alive. You can kill me, but you won’t have enough time to make it back? Why? Because he knows.”

Millie shook her head. “The President? Who cares if the President kno--”

Psyguy put his finger up and cut her off. “Don’t interrupt me. Now look, I am not talking about the President. Nobody standing here should give a pint of shit, and why should they? No. I’m talking about him.”

Blitzo was even more confused. “What the hell are you rambling on about?”

That’s when the target walked back and forth. “I’ve already said too much on the subject. Whoever you believe it is, you are probably wrong. But just remember that justice will be served. That’s the last thing he told me before he transmitted me my gift. You think you’re all the ones carrying out a kill? Heh heh, you’re all fools. This whole...goose chase was always the other way around. You think I didn’t hear every one of your conversations underground? You think the federal government was the biggest obstacle in that so called White House? No. While you two were making googly eyes at each other, the House was being painted red downstairs. All those attempts you both made to avoid those people downstairs? Completely redundant. They were never there, yet he ensured your minds would think otherwise. See, I am only a guide now, and I have led you all exactly where he wants you. The only problem is, you have to get through me now. And if you get through me…”

Silence. It was immediately broken by a chuckle.

“...heh. I said enough. Do your worst.”

Blitzo, Loona, Moxxie, and Millie all just stood there idly. They were reluctant to find out just what he meant, so the boss ordered a huddle and got together with his employees.

“Alright. No change in our game plan. He’s just spewing bullshit to scare us off. We have him right where we want him. Just kill one guy and you’re all done. Got it?”

Everybody nodded.

They broke out of the huddle and got into battle stances. Blitzo took out his revolver and aimed it at Psyguy.

“I.M.P!”

Then he shot it upward as far as he could. Psyguy noticed this and gripped the bullet from far away. What he didn’t understand, however, was that the whole thing was merely a diversion. Loona pulled out Blitzo’s AK-47 and fired right into the stomach of the target. The bullets caught him, and even got a loud grunt out of him. He stumbled back and put his other arm out to put a cork in the shooting spree. With the motion of his wrist, he turned the bullets around and sent them across. This attempt, however, would go nowhere, as Moxxie and Millie swung their weapons like they were baseball bats and propelled the bullets back at a faster rate.

It nearly got to him, but Psyguy clenched his fist and put another stop to the fire. Speaking of fire, the one that was right behind him was spreading rather quickly. 

The whole team decided to rush as a team and finally put an end to this contract. Moxxie and Millie were up, holding their weapons close and getting ready to take a couple of stabs into their target.

Moxxie threw his longblade through the air and forced a reaction out of Psyguy, who held it up and kept it from exploding through his face. However, Millie subsequently threw her axe at the longblade and inflicted another large force that sent Psyguy far back...but not far enough to engulf him in flames. Instinctively, he ran around the fire and made his way inside the forest. Likewise, the whole team was in his pursuit. They all ran through one foot tall bushes and around a closely packed number of trees. It was a long run, but all five of them wound up on the other side where there was open space around the creek. An enormous area of plain grass complemented by the stream of water. Psyguy stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

Now he was going to get aggressive. Out of nowhere, he catches both Moxxie and Millie’s weapons and drags the blades along with the couple together to create a pulse. He succeeded, and sent the whole team back a few inches to the floor. Just when both of them tried to get up, he grabbed their weapons once again and threw them towards each other until their plasma weapons created yet another pulse. He was about to slam the couple together once more until they both decided to let go of the weapons. Psyguy cackled and slowly attracted the weapons towards each hand. Now he had both a plasma axe and a plasma longblade to fight them with. 

Millie proceeded to stand back up along with Moxxie. They were not happy that they had to resort to Plan B, but it was do or die, so they each took out a handgun from their pockets along with a bomb of their choice on the other hand.

Blitzo and Loona got back up. If that’s the way he was going to play it, then Loona should just one-up him in this fight. She shared a nod with the boss and threw her uzis away. After cracking her fingers along with her neck, Loona got on all fours and started running towards Psyguy at top speed. She was looking to take him down on the ground and strip him of his weapons. The only thing he can use to move her around is the stuffed grenades in her pocket, but she hid those in plain sight. Plus, the weight of the objects wouldn’t be enough to move her freely.

Loona was almost there. Psyguy charged for a double spin swing to catch her with both blades. Sadly, the hound miscalculated and jumped just a little too late. From there, she felt the longblade rip into her shoulder and send her back a couple more yards back, making her thump on the ground numerous times, much like Millie back at the cemetery. 

The hound winced in pain, which brewed a rude awakening inside Blitzo. His eyes were wide. He clenched his fists. He dropped his handgun. 

He was going to go apeshit right now.

The imp’s eyes glowed red. His pupils turned white. Most importantly, his fangs were exposed for the target to see. For the first time in a very long time, the boss meant business. This was not going to send well for Psyguy. With all of his effort, the imp rushed at record time and looked to tackle him down.

The keyword, however, was “looked”, because when the target swung high once more, Blitzo got a hold of his feet and pinned him down to the ground. Moxxie and Millie stuck out their guns and began firing towards the pinned man. From there, Blitzo grabbed the longblade that Psyguy was carrying and tried to rip it out of his grip. It proved to be difficult, however, as he had his hand on it pretty firm. 

That’s when Moxxie’s shot wound up hitting the target in his ribs. He screamed and put his hand to the gaping bleeding hole that was now etched into his flesh. Now that he was weakened, Blitzo tore the weapon right out of the target’s grip and now had it in his.

He stood up fast and swung the longblade down. At a close second, Psyguy rolled out of there and stuck his hand out to retrieve the guns from Moxxie and Millie. This time, he was fast, and one of the handguns already reached his empty hand. He turned around and tried to shoot Blitzo in the face, but he narrowly missed as the imp lodged the longblade into his breast. This time, Psyguy had enough control to stifle the reaction from the pain and instead opted to shoot Blitzo in the right forearm. The imp fell to the ground and tried to reach the weapon, but now Psyguy was clinging on to it.

Then when he wasn’t looking, an explosion went off just a few inches from him. It was one of the cherry bombs that Millie kept, and the explosion managed to send Psyguy down to the floor. Instantly after his guard was down, Blitzo snatched the longblade again and tried to finish off the target with a beheading. That plan went south too. All it took was for Psyguy to stick his arm out once more and send Blitzo back away from close proximity. 

The target got on his feet. He was gassed from the fight, but that did not stop him from taking both of his hands out and instructing the whole team to come right at him. Moxxie and Millie both had a bomb in their hand and threw it across, only for the explosives to get thrown up towards the skies by Psyguy. The explosions went off, and now he was running towards the couple with the axe in his hand.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a fanfiction with a trillion obscure close calls. Loona reemerged from the shadows and pounced on Psyguy. They were both sent to the ground, as Moxxie and Millie jumped on him to keep him down. Loona even got on top to restrain him.

Moxxie slowly took out his handgun and put the finger on the trigger. “This is what I should have done long ago. Goodbye, you shaved-headed  
bastar—“

click

The imp’s eyes widened. So did Millie’s and Loona’s. They all looked at each other and realized the six-clip was already finished. Nothing was inside Moxxie’s barrel, giving Psyguy the perfect chance to turn himself around and push everybody else away with his own physical strength.

He then got on top of Moxxie and proceeded to throw punch after punch across his face. Millie tried to stop him, but that’s when the man grabbed her whole face with only one hand and threw her down to the ground. 

That’s when he did the unthinkable. He got on top of her and started going off on her. After the first punch, Millie was laid in a state of shock, and bled quite easily from her nose.

Fighting through the blood and the cuts that Psyguy just gave him, Moxxie grabbed Psyguy’s eyelids and forced them back as if he was trying to pull them. What neither of them knew, however, was that Moxxie was unintentionally opening the man’s eyes to the reappearance of Blitzo.

The boss was back, and he was still catching his own breath after the full minute of scuffle. The longblade was still in his hands, and he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. He looked around and saw that Moxxie and Millie were down. Luckily, Loona got back up, and for a strange yet wholesome reason, she was deeply traumatized seeing the two imps get pounded in such a revolting manner. It was common for her to witness the two experience similar turmoil, but this time around, it made her sick to her stomach. It was as if she had finally searched compassion inside herself.

She then took out her claws, while Blitzo grabbed the longblade with two hands.

“One more time...I.M.P!”

They both rushed him once more, but this time Blitzo had a plan. The imp swung high and forced Psyguy to duck below. What he didn’t know, however, would bite him in the ass. Loona came from his side and kicked the target right on the eyes with her boot. The force inflicted upon his eyes gave him unimaginable and indescribable pain, but it was even worse when he realized he couldn’t see anything else but red.

That’s when Loona tackled him to the ground and started clawing at his face. The first paw came right down his face, getting a squirm out of him. The second paw sliced right through his nose, generating a louder shriek that was stuffed like a cork by Loona’s paw reaching down his throat. As she had him in a literal claw, Blitzo had the longblade in his hands and poked a good one right through his stomach. A few inches deep into the stab, however, the blade was cut short, and the forest around them started to shake. The two stopper and looked around.

During all this, the man was ambiently screaming to himself, spilling out all of his power to let out all the pain. The trees began breaking from their trunks, and the blades and guns all levitated into the air and swirled around.

“Agggggghhhh……”

This was the stage in the game in which he would use his last resort to get himself out of this one. The weapons that were swirling around suddenly dropped to the floor...all except for the longblade and the axe. They were still circling each other, dangerously low enough to give Blitzo and Loona a “haircut”.

And then a “woosh” was heard. The axe and the longblade flew into the opposite direction and disappeared in a matter of seconds from the team’s line of sight. Loona raised an eyebrow and turned to the boss.

Then they heard the weapons coming back. The problem was…

They were coming back fast.

“LOONA!”

Blitzo was quick to react. By extending his right arm, he shoved the hound from her back and sent her to the ground.

Then the weapons clashed together…

...right through Blitzo’s arm.

PWOOSH!

An explosion resulted from the overwhelmingly high energy collision. The speed combined with their reactivity set off one of the biggest pulses ever produced by any plasma weapons. The force of the impact and the explosion that ensued can be felt from a five mile radius.

The dust cleared, and Blitzo laid there motionless. He was left with his right arm completely sliced off from his torso.

This was huge. Anybody who is a native of Hell and gets killed in the living world can be killed for good. When it comes to a mere piece of somebody, the same principles apply. Not only does Blitzo’s arm fall from his body…

...It could never grow back.

His cells were all killed in the living world. If he ever returns to Hell and shoots himself dozens of times, it would not change a thing. Blitzo’s arm was gone for good.

Moxxie and Millie groaned as they sat themselves back up. They were yards away from where they initially were. Everybody else was. 

With one exception.

Psyguy was left in the middle. The force of the collision between the weapons just happened to occur right above the right side of his head. What happens when you have an impeccable force press your head too far to the side? Easy.

You die.

And Psyguy’s neck was completely broken. In his attempt to take one of the members with him, he accidentally finished himself off with his own powers.

Loona was left on the other side, completely separated from the boss. She got up and rushed to his aid.

“BLITZ! BLITZ!”

———————

“Blitz! Blitz! Wake up!”

The hound struggled to talk properly through her braces. It was a speech impairment she had to get used to.

Blitzo rubbed his eyes and pulled the sheets down to get a better look. Yesterday was a hard day at work, and he wanted to find a good reason for why he was woken up so abruptly.

“W-What is going on, cutie pie? It’s five in the morning...I need my—“

He suddenly closed his eyes shut as he felt a warm blinding light come closer to him in the darkness.

Loona groaned. “Open your eyes, Blitz! Look! I made it myself!”

He rubbed his eyes once more and opened them for good this time.

“Oh wow...you baked a cake?”

Excitedly, the hound nodded and offered the imp to get a closer look.

“Happy 12th Birthday Loona? Wow. Looks like my right-hand girl is growing way too fast!” 

He then proceeded to tickle the hound’s stomach, getting a snort and a laugh from her.

“Ahahahahaha! Oh Blitz! Hey...why do they call it that?”

“Call it what?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “You know...right-hand people.”

That’s when the imp leaned over and grabbed his hound by the paws. “Calling someone a right-hand means they’re very important to you. They’re special...indispensable...and they make some freakin’ good cakes for you in the morning!”

Loona giggled. “You mean...I’m special?”

Blitzo nodded and put his hands to her cheeks. “Always. You’ll always be my special little girl.”

———————

As if the fight wasn’t getting intense enough, the fire that the whole team indirectly caused was suddenly catching up to them. Moxxie and Millie were there next to Loona, trying to wake Blitzo back up.

“SIR! WAKE UP!”

“SIR! SIR!”

“BLITZ!”

Blitzo slowly opened his eyes and was blinded for a second by the illumination of the fire that was engulfing everything that stood in its way.

He looked to his arm socket and put his left hand inside. “O-O-Owww…”

Loona slapped his hand away and grabbed him by the jacket. “Don’t fucking make it worse! Come on! We have to get the fuck out of here NOW! Moxxie! The book!”

The imp grunted and pulled the book from his backpack. He threw it onto the ground and opened it up to the usual page. From there, he chanted the words and opened up a portal to the headquarters.

Millie wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Hoo man, I got really fucked up, Mox! That fella sure knows how to fight!”

He shook his head. “Let’s not mind that right now. We have to go now! Sir, do you need help getti—“

The portal closed.

Everybody stopped. Their hearts sank. Loona turned to Moxxie and slapped him across his face. “STOP FUCKING AROUND! OPEN THE GODDAMN PORTAL!”

“OKAY, OKAY! FUCK!” Moxxie read the chant again, faster than usual.

The portal opened.

“Okay, let’s—-“

The portal closed. 

Loona wanted to scream and shout. This was not normal at all. She put her claws out and got on Moxxie’s face. “WHY THE FUCK IS IT NOT WORKING!? EXPLAIN!”

Moxxie shrugged and looked around like a madman. “I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW, OKAY!? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!”

Silence. Blitzo was clenching his wound, while Loona carried him in her arms. Millie dug her face into her hands, visibly frustrated by the strange dilemma. 

That’s when another portal opened from behind.

The entire group looked behind them. The portal was not your average red. It was blazing pink, and for some strange reason, the corpse of the infamous Psyguy evaporated into the air as pink mist, which the group was able to catch at the last moment.

And from the portal came the Cowboy Demon. He was in his usual get up. Jeans, belt, vest, and hat.

Blitzo stuck his hand out. “C-C-Cowboy Demon?”

The overlord guffawed and crossed his arms. “Yessiree. Ah’ see y’all have completed the contract. On time too! Congratulations, gang!”

Loona nodded. “No problem. We really should be goin—“

The demon wagged his finger. “Uh uh uh! Ma’dam, ya’ know how rude it is to interrupt me?”

The hound remained silent.

“Y’alls right. A promise is a promise! This was one heckuva target, and I’m darned that y’all managed to kill him! So here’s the deal, y’all can have yer’ twenty million, yer’ fame, and yer’ recognition for yer’ outstanin’ achievements…Just answer this...one question. This one’s for you, boss!”

Blitzo nodded.

“Where’s the Jester Demon?”

Silence.

Blitzo’s eyes widened.

That’s when the Cowboy Demon threw his hat to the side and completely removed the accent. He leaned over to Blitzo’s eye and stared dead at it for a couple of seconds. After careful examination, he reached a viable conclusion.

“I knew it. I always had a hunch, but it turns out I was fucking right. You four bastards did it…”

Somehow, Blitzo regained his strength, and was able to leave Loona’s arms to help bargain with the client. “Wait, sir! I can explai—“

The Cowboy Demon turned around and began choking the imp. His enormous and meaty fingers, wrapped around his narrow gullet.

“I hope he told you everything. I always knew you four fuckers did it, I just KNEW IT! That man was my goddamn friend. My compadre. My soul brother. And you all...erased him out of existence. You all grabbed his legacy and spat it right on its face…”

He threw Blitzo down and reloaded two guns in his hands.

“Now I’m going to show you pieces of shit how we deal with the ones that kill our own...you dirty fucking sprites.” 

Moxxie and Millie tried taking out their handguns, but realized they were all out of ammo. Loona tried to grab onto something in her pockets...until she realized she was all out of bombs. Her uzis were left stranded inside the fire. Worst of all, the boss had lost an arm.

It was all a set up. There was no $20 million dollar contract. There was no Psyguy. And worst of all, there was no chance. Their devious actions had caught up to them, and has now placed them in this very moment. 

They were fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, it just got real! Final chapter of volume 2 will be up by the end of Saturday! Man, has it really been 10 chapters already? Time flies by really fast.
> 
> By the way, I am currently working on an NSFW draft for the ‘party’ that happened between Chapter 8 and 9. Yep. That scene. THE scene.


	23. Deathwish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The volume concludes in an explosive battle between the I.M.P and the Cowboy Demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT!!! Where have I been? I've had this draft for such a long time. The same week I was making Chapter 23 back in February, I was in for a lot of schoolwork while I was finishing up my senior year. Since then, I graduated and turned 18 and have been waiting patiently for college.
> 
> I hope this makes it worth the wait. Well, probably not. Actually, now that I think about it, definitely not. But I'm back! :D So I could be wrong.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! I'll probably spend a week making another fanfiction for another work, but after that, I'll start working on Volume 3! You can count on the first chapter of that volume popping up by mid-September.

The Cowboy Demon turned around and began choking the imp. His enormous and meaty fingers, wrapped around his narrow gullet.

“I hope he told you everything. I always knew you four fuckers did it, I just KNEW IT! That man was mah’ goddamn friend. Mah’ compadre. Mah’ soul brother. And you all...erased him out of existence. You all grabbed his legacy and spat it right on its face…”

He threw Blitzo down and reloaded two guns in his hands.

“Now I’m going to show you pieces of shit how we deal with the ones that kill our own...you dirty fucking sprites.” 

Moxxie and Millie tried taking out their handguns, but realized they were all out of ammo. Loona tried to grab onto something in her pockets...until she realized she was all out of bombs. Her uzis were left stranded inside the fire. Worst of all, the boss had lost an arm.

It was all a set up. There was no $20 million dollar contract. There was no Psyguy. And worst of all, there was no chance. Their devious actions had caught up to them, and has now placed them in this very moment. 

They were fucked.

Blitzo put his hands up as the client lowered his gun to point right at his bloodied forehead. “W-We can work something out! You want all the money we have? You want our services? W-What can we do to make you—“

The Cowboy Demon heard enough. He aimed low and shot Blitzo in the foot. The imp flinched and fell over to the ground, while the team around him screamed in immense fear. They couldn’t dare challenge them. Not with the conditions they were currently in. Millie looked to her husband. The two imps were stricken with anxiety, and they grabbed the others hand to remain united when death came knocking around the corner. 

Loona sat there with a scowl on her face, being the only one to defy the Cowboy Demon with her rebellious expression. The Cowboy Demon took immediate notice of this and walked over to the hound. With a gun suddenly pointed to her head, she did not reconsider her decisions.

“We have a smart one here, huh? Don’t worry, missy. It’ll all be over soo--”

A portal opened and from the ground rose a hand holding a gun. 

Squeezing the trigger, the hand fired the gun right to the back of the Cowboy Demon’s calf. Although the bullet had certainly left its mark upon him, the overlord merely turned around and fired back with a menacing frown.   
The figure then dove inside the portal and came out the other way with an insanely amount of firepower strapped to her body. Grenades, rifles, mines, and even a flamethrower attached around her back.

Shrapnel.

The Cowboy Demon could not believe what he was looking at right now. He put the gun down and exploded in a fiery rage. “YOU!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, SOLDIER?”

Shrapnel did not flinch. She whipped her hair back and walked in a circle around the overlord. “You tell me, cabron. I busted my ass for weeks. The only thing I wanted from you, and you’re tryna’ take it away from me? Fuck you mean it’ll all be over soon?”

Loona turned to Shrapnel with an expression of disbelief. Just what was going on here? Whatever it was, it did not bode well for her at all.

The Cowboy Demon pointed his gun at the blue-eyed hound. “Didn’t Mama tell you never to trust a fella in a ten-gallon hat? I kept you away from the city for a reason. I knew you were going to catch feelings for this degenerate piece of filth. And why shouldn’t you? All you degenerates are the same, always sniffing for the next piece of ass to fill your disgusting fantasies. Here’s a suggestion. Either you stand down and return to your post, or I blow Old Yeller’s brains out.”

Shrapnel remained where she was, refusing to absorb his words the wrong way. After a long stare, she glanced down to her fingers and scoffed. “We had a deal, hombre. You don’t wanna cross me right now.”

The overlord threw his arms up. “Or what? Who's got the army? Me or you, bitch!?”

The hound pointed behind her. “You mean that army?” The Cowboy Demon walked over to look inside the portal and was shocked to see that the warehouse within Pentagram City was completely abandoned. That was until he spotted the splatters of blood all over the walls. It seemed like the wardrobe was assaulted by a rival gang. A rival gang that may have possibly been formally invited with golden tickets, courtesy of Shrapnel herself.

C.D turned back to Shrapnel. “Just what the fuck did you do!?”

“Exactly what someone would do if they overheard yo’ nefarious plans to kill the I.M.P.”

He pointed to them. “Well can you fucking blame me? They killed the Jester Demon! It was them the whole time!”

Shrapnel’s eyes widened. She turned to Loona, who returned the look with another one that was much more worrisome and nerve-wrecking. 

That’s when her own girlfriend walked over behind her and suddenly kicked her down to the floor with a big boot. The force of her foot nearly broke Loona’s spine in two. It didn’t help that she was not even anticipating the move.

Shrapnel reached to grab something strapped to her back. The flamethrower. Suddenly, a smirk reappeared within the face of the Cowboy Demon. He wagged his finger at his pawn. “Shraps, you sly devil you. I told you not to mess with daddy’s things. It’s okay, though. I forgive you. I forgive you for the shitstorm that you were brewing back at daddy’s house. Now, be a good girl and earn your spot back in the group.”

The hound nodded as she gripped the flamethrower, which was pointed down towards a grounded Loona. “With pleasure.” She turned to the stunned couple next to her and winked. 

Misconception. 

She aimed the flamethrower back up and ignited the Cowboy Demon on fire. 

“AAHHH!!!” C.D was caught by surprise and looked frantically for a way to put himself out. While he was too busy fighting off the flames, Shrapnel threw her arm up and signaled for everybody to enter the portal. “GO GO GO! VAMANOS CHINGADA MADRE!”

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie made a run for it. Shrapnel grabbed Loona off the ground and carried her along. It was going to be a hard time to explain things once they got back, but for now, they had to worry about outrunning the Cowboy Demon.

And that’s exactly what they did. They left the overlord stunned and returned to Hell...specifically in Pentagram City. 

They all landed on hard bloodied concrete, inside a dark warehouse with absolutely nothing left for plundering. 

Blitzo was the first to get up. He looked to his arm and shook his head. “I can’t fix this one, huh?” Moxxie shook his head and offered to wrap some gauze around the imp, but he politely refused. Meanwhile, Loona stormed her way towards Shrapnel and grabbed her by the collar. “What the fuck is this!? What the fuck have you done!?” 

Ignoring her intense grip, Shrapnel left her arms up and made direct eye contact with the confused hound. “Mira, corazon, don’t worry about it. You just gotta let me--”

“Um, how about I don’t let you? Seriously, what were you and that two-faced piece of shit even talking about? He led us right into his trap, and you’re telling me he’s the one you work for!? Are you the one orchestra--”

Shrapnel slapped Loona’s grip away and pointed her finger at her. “HELL NO! Just listen! About a month ago, your homie right there (points at Moxxie) got his ass bailed out by Lucy himself. Don’t y’all remember that?”

Loona mouthed a “yes”.

The hound expected a multitude of things, but she certainly did not expect Shrapnel’s accent to completely drop. “Well, that day, what neither of y’all knew was that the Cowboy Demon listened to the whole thing. With his powers, he invaded Lucifer’s business and scouted the whole rescue. He thought that if he can get to the I.M.P, he can get to Lucy. Knowing my background and my connection with you, he took me to Pentagram City and sent a casino ‘invitation’ knowing that your boss would be stupid enough to take the company out to go gambling. It took a lot of convincing, but I followed through on that. All I did was plan to infiltrate your company for the Cowboy Demon. That was all. I never expected the big red bastard to kill my friend.”

After the long explanation that satisfied at least one or two lingering questions that were left hanging above the heads of the group, Moxxie put a finger up. “What happened to your voice?”

Shrapnel turned to the imp. “This is what I always sounded like. Loona doesn’t know that, though.”

Then came Loona with her own question. “And just what the fuck happened to you all these years? You spoke like 30% English last time we met.”

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Loona. I know I sound like a fucking suburban white girl who owns a Jeep, but bear with me. I gotta get you all out of here, so you can go ahead and go whatever you gotta do, but we have approximately 20 minutes of road ahead of us!”

Millie put her fingers to her chin while she carried a drained Blitzo in her arms. “How do we know he ain’t gonna catch up with us?”

Shrapnel shrugged. “I don’t know, but he crossed over from the Hills, so we have time to spare. Now go!”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a brisk drive and a few suicides to fully recover, the team returned to Imp City under the protection of the supposed double agent. Of course, Loona still hung on to the hopes that Shrapnel was genuine in their relationship, while Moxxie was the only one out of everybody else who was truly skeptical of the hound. Although he was compelled to kill her once they crossed over, he understood that such an executive action would ruin Loona. He thought perhaps the relationship aspect of it was truly genuine. 

The red skies were blocked off by more grey clouds, as usual. It was a bad time weather wise, and it certainly complemented their situation as of now. Through all the rain and the red lightning in the background, the van finally made it to the front steps of the headquarters. Back to where they were.

Everybody got out of the car and made their way up the stairs. They all barged through the glass doors heavily to the point where the glass just shattered behind them. From there, all four of them entered the elevator and continually pressed the number that led to their main floor.

It was an awkward elevator ride, as Loona and Shrapnel couldn’t stop glimpsing towards the other and breaking eye contact the moment they looked at each other. Millie took a bottle out of her pocket and handed it to Moxxie. He took out a great number of painkillers by the hand and swallowed them whole, washing it down with a miniature flask of whiskey he kept by the shot. Blitzo turned to his side and couldn’t stop poking the socket of his missing arm. It was revolting for him to see, but for some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t help but feel fascinated by the absence of the limb.

The elevator doors opened slowly. They were all in for an unpleasant surprise, as Stolas and the Penguin Demon were both there to meet them. Stolas’ pupils widened and the hallway that led to the briefing room began shaking under his control.

They all looked in immense confusion, as Stolas progressively shook it harder. “Blitz...What is this I hear about a coup? Against the Cowboy Demon too? Oh, Blitzy, have you no respect for the work of those up in the hierarchy? To treat our brother like that is the same as spitting on the face of those who rule over yo--what happened to your arm?” The owl pointed with his wing.

Blitzo walked past him and cracked his one knuckle by pressing it against his chest. “He went for us first. I don’t know if you know this, but he knows about the Jester Demon.”

Stolas gasped, while the Penguin Demon turned to him. “Wait, he knows about him? Wh-What happened?” It seemed like the other overlord was going to turn the conversation into a long interrogation, but Stolas made sure that it wouldn’t by putting his wing up to his beak. “Quiet you! Blitz, you’re telling me he is chasing you for all this!?”

Moxxie walked past him. “Y-Yes, Stolas. The Jester Demon was good friends with him, and now he seeks vengeance for what...well…” The imp then glanced towards the confused Penguin Demon. He decided it would be better if he just kept his mouth shut the whole way through.

It didn’t take long for the overlord, however. He put his flippers on his head. “Y-You folk were the ones that disposed of the Jester Demon!? Do you know what this means!?”

Stolas shrugged.

“It means that i-if I am ever seen wi-with a renegade like yourself, then--then--”

The owl did not want to hear it. “Hey now, I am not a goddamn renegade! I was doing business with this company, alright!? That’s it! That’s all there was to it!”

The Penguin Demon paused and turned to the sight of all the team members including Shrapnel scrambling for the weapons that were left inside the crate. “This must be some really fucked up business then! Who the hell are you guys!”

Millie looked over her shoulder and walked towards the penguin with a big smile on her face. “Why, sir, we’re the Immedia--”

Loona cut her off from the distance. “No time to give people our business cards! That fucking cowboy will show up any minute now! Get whatever you need!”

After strapping a plasma version of his AK-47, Blitzo turned to Stolas and held his wings. “Look, we need as much time as we can to set things up. We’re going to take him head on, but we need the help of an overlord--”

The Penguin Demon joined in on the conversation. “Overlords! I’m in, too. I never liked the Jester Demon either. He made fun of my weight. In front of my wife and kids! Sorry, continue.” 

Blitzo brushed over the awkward interaction and refocused on Stolas. “So, we just need you two to take him to us. That is all. Just say...you scourged the place and all that. Once he checks the portal and his guard is down, kick him in. We’re pulling all the stops here.”

Moxxie grabbed a handful of things from his office, including his bullet repellent gun and a set of Holy Hand Grenades that he crafted with the purchase of forbidden holy magic, stuffed inside with gunpowder.

In the ritual room, Loona and Shrapnel grabbed some heavy firepower. Bazookas, cluster grenades, and even a nuclear warhead that they were able to get their hands on in case of emergencies. It was probably more than enough to kill the Cowboy Demon. As long as they kept strong for ten minutes while the warhead was snuck away along with the portal, they had a good chance.

The diversion was themselves. They all knew that they could not actually manage to kill the Cowboy Demon. Nevertheless, it was worth the effort. Clear their names up by killing one of the most powerful demons that the depths of Hell has ever seen. Now that they think about it, though, they should have probably just settled somewhere off the grid.

They all entered the ritual room and surrounded the portal that awaited them. This was going to take them back exactly where they were. Nothing clever about it at all. Hopefully Stolas and the Penguin Demon can lead them into the bait. Blitzo took one last look at his teammates before he crossed over, along with Shrapnel, who was supposedly now on the team as well. Millie put on her glove, Loona picked at her teeth, Moxxie cracked his neck, and Shrapnel cocked a plasma rifle in her hands.

Then they hopped in.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door that led to the headquarters was crumpled with the clench of the Cowboy Demon’s fist. It took a mere motion of his arm to throw the door five hundred feet above. In a huff, he entered the building and smashed the button for the elevator.

Once he arrived on the floor of the briefing room, he was met with Stolas and the Penguin Demon. Both overlords appeared to be holding their own glass of wine. The Cowboy Demon was not pleased to see their presence.

Stolas cracked a smile and raised his glass. “Ah, my Southern chum! How’s the pastures?”

No response.

The Penguin Demon looked to the owl with a visibly concerned expression on his face. He did not sign up for this at all. Had they waited a little longer for the I.M.P, the Penguin Demon would have bounced and gone back to his penthouse. Instead, he was forced into playing charades with one of Hell’s most feared overlords. Despite his peer’s nerves getting the best of him, Stolas continued on with his mirage. “So, I take it you received the news as well? Quite a shame. A damn shame.”

Still no response. It looked like the Cowboy Demon was only getting angrier and angrier with every word that escaped the owl’s beak.

After his second attempt, Stolas started to feel a little more flustered. There was only so much effort for his act. While he calculated his next move, the Penguin Demon sighed and put his arms out, which immediately caught the overlord’s attention.

“Cowboy Demon, we’re just very glad you’re here. We tried to get our hands on those damn imps, but they haven’t arrived yet…” Once he finished the sentence, the Penguin Demon’s left eye took a quick glance at the open door of the ritual room. The portal was gone, a relief.  
It seemed like the big bad was in no mood to listen to the Penguin Demon. Instead, he walked past the two and slowly crept up towards the open crate in the middle of the hallway. Son of a bitch. They absolutely forgot about the crate. None of them wanted to protest since it would only raise his suspicions, so they just stood there frozen still.

The Cowboy Demon took a quick look at the emptiness inside and turned his head back to the two overlords with a toothy grin on his face. He fixed his hat and chuckled.

“So, let’s get sumn’ straight here, fellas. The furry whore that took mah’ prime ribs and yanked em’ right inside a warehouse, MAH’ WAREHOUSE, managed to magically take mah’ guns n’ everythin’ all in a thirty minute span? I just saw the bitch forty minutes ago!”

Silence fell over them. The Penguin Demon and Stolas looked at each other. They both knew what was about to happen.

Which is why the penguin reached for his back…

…before getting shot to the wall by a long extended arm, summoned by the Cowboy Demon in record time.

Stolas knew he was in for it, so he chose to run off into the elevator with all the speed he could possibly gather. He was panting heavily, focusing on nothing but that elevator door. The Penguin Demon swung his fist in anger, trying to catch the attention of the owl. “HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU JERK! GET THE HELL--”

Then, with just a clench, the hand that latched onto the Penguin Demon squeezed him to death. His head and eyeballs all exploded and left a visually gruesome mess in the hallway. Then, the Cowboy Demon walked over and rose his finger up.

“Mori mori mori. Vos autem non vivet. Mori mori mori. Di non custodiat te. Mori mori mori. Relinquam in vacui. Mori mori mori. Vos mos evanui in nusquam.”

From there, whatever remained of the Penguin Demon’s mangled corpse shone brightly and suddenly disappeared after the light had worn off.

The Cowboy Demon shook his head and turned to the elevator. He knew he let Stolas go, but it was fine. He didn’t pose a threat to him at all. Nothing immediate was going to come between him and the open portal.

———————

Blitzo was already rallying the troops on the other side of the portal. Within the menacingly dark swamp was a group ready to go out guns blazin’. Millie and Moxxie held each other's hand, armed to the teeth. As for Loona and Shrapnel, they kind of just kept their distance, but they were in a prepared stance opposite to the other end of the portal. If it took hours just to corner Psyguy, then they had no idea how long it would take them to corner the Cowboy Demon, which is an even harder task by itself. 

Suddenly, they heard a warping noise from the other end. All five of them tensed up. The grips on their weapons had just hardened.

And out came the Cowboy Demon, who naturally just strolled right in, throwing off the entire team and instantly cancelling their plans to fire on sight. A major part of each individual team member prevented them from lighting up the overlord. That part was fear. Did he come to negotiate, or was he just walking in to show off his lack of need to prepare himself once he came right in?

The demon raised his pants up a little and put his hands behind his back. There was no telling what he was about to do. What everyone else knew though was that he was strong enough to take them all out, armed or unarmed. All it took was a few spells. 

Instead, the Cowboy Demon crossed his arms and turned to a heavy-shaken Blitzo. “Mmm, ya’ know, I’ve been thinkin’ about it. You crazy kids caused enough trouble, which is why I am askin’ at the last minute if y’all are ready to back down and work under my command. Social benefits, paid va--”

“We’re not going anywhere.” Everybody turned to Loona, whose voice came from the back.

Silence.

“Hmmph. Your loss, young buck.” 

Then the Cowboy Demon reached into his holster and drew a gun with a ridiculously wide barrel. The weapon was pointed right between the eyes of the hound, ready to be fired. Suddenly, the overlord’s ears perked up as he heard a sizzle right behind him.

If only he hadn’t turned around. The Holy Hand Grenade would have simply grazed his back. Instead, the Cowboy Demon took a faceblast from the front, but not before each member of I.M.P jumped the other direction and tucked their heads in.

The blast was enough to swallow the demon, but it quickly expanded out to the lower halves of each member. Luckily, their distant range left a mere burning sensation as the flames began to clear.

Once the smoke settled, the Cowboy Demon was aching on the floor, holding his stomach as his entrails were blown out from the counterattack.

“Y-Y-You pieces...of SHIT! FUCK!” The Cowboy Demon could no longer play fool with his menacing and cocky grin anymore. Now, he was at death’s doorstep, clawing with everything he had to take everybody else with him.

The I.M.P helped themselves up and stared down the injured boss. Moxxie turned to Loona and gave her a nod, prompting her to hoist her bazooka and finish off C.D. With a little pressure, the projectile blasted off and went straight to their target.

And instead, a shadow arm projecting from the back of the Cowboy Demon captured the rocket in mid-air. The entire team was in shock. Though his wounds appear to be fatal, it was clear the overlord still had enough gas left in the tank to dispose of the I.M.P and return to Hell before he croaks. 

Blitzo couldn’t believe it . “Shit! How’d he do that! Loona…” 

The hound turned to him. “What?”

“Your aim is shit.”

Her expression was blank. There’s no reason to fight his words. They were all going to be blasted off the face of the living world in mere seconds. However, Millie was not going down without a fight. She dug into her husband’s pockets and reeled in the repelling gun.

“Millie, w-what are you doing? That thing isn’t calibrated for large projectiles! MILLIE!”

No response. His wife pointed the gun towards C.D with determination, waiting for him to fire the projectile.

The overlord scoffed and coughed out some blood. “Heh, lookin’ to fulfill yer’ deathwish?” 

No response.

The overarching arm then threw the projectile back straight to the group.

Suddenly, Loona and Shrapnel drew their rifles and began firing right in front of Millie, who enabled the power of the repelling gun to harvest a gigantic ball of bullets into one.

“Oh shit! Millie! Throw it quick! We’ll be fried if we don---”

Before he could finish, the imp threw her gun back and released like it was a fishing pole. The ball came in direct contact with the rocket and managed to spare the team from the large explosion…

...somewhat.

The blast threw the team further back and even torched their clothing a little bit. Moxxie took a quick hold of Millie from behind and cushioned her fall by forcing her to land on her back (for the sake of their child). Loona and Shrapnel rolled back on the grass and somehow hit their heads together in process. As for Blitzo, he used his only arm to grab onto a bush nearby.

Unbeknownst to them, that was merely a smokescreen for the Cowboy Demon’s aerial assault. Drops of dark bullets from his harnessed energy began falling onto the team members. Those who were conscious took cover once again. 

Although the attack was ineffective as a whole, it still managed to pierce Loona’s torso twice, who howled in pain afterward. Millie raised herself from her husband and got into her stance once more. Two plasma pistols were drawn from her pockets, initiating a sole attack against C.D. 

The bullets were deflected by a wall generated from the overlord’s dark energy. None of them could even pierce through the shield. 

This was once again a one-sided battle in favor of the Cowboy Demon.

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Shrapnel raised up and ran to catch up with the battle, attending Millie’s side.

“What’s the plan now?” The boss was struggling to formulate a strategy.

But not even the brains of the I.M.P could help in that matter. Moxxie himself was stumped as well. “I have no idea, sir. Kill kill kill.”

Shrapnel and Millie chuckled. Although they were vastly different from each other, they were similar in their disapproval of relying on strategy. They’ve been begging to lash out in a frenzy from the start.

“Right then. FUCK HIM UP!” Blitzo barked what he felt would probably be his final order. 

The Cowboy Demon let out a hysterical laugh as the remaining members of the I.M.P rushed after him. 

In a cocky manner, he pointed his revolver and was ready to take them out one by one. “Ya’ fuckin’ dick’eads! I won this round!”

BANG!

Blitzo, Moxxie, Shrapnel, and Millie all stopped dead in their tracks. Their hands covered their bodies.

They all put their hands away…

...and realized that none of them just became a casualty of the first shot.

Instead, the Cowboy Demon fell to his side and collapsed. The entire group was thrown back by this. The overlord began to dissolve into the sky. All the dark energy hiding within his body carried his particles into the air.

They turned behind them. It was Loona, holding a plasma revolver of her own. Although she was greatly limited in movement due to her injuries, she managed to get herself up for one more shot.

“F-Fuck. We did it.” Loona was panting heavily. She couldn’t wait any longer to return back.

Blitzo smiled, as Shrapnel, Moxxie, and Millie rejoiced and gave out a collective sigh. With their combined determination to make it out with their lives, they managed to knock the Cowboy Demon down.

\------------------  
4 HOURS LATER

“Blitzy...slow down. Start from the beginning.”

“I don’t need to start anywhere, Stolas! We fucking killed him! In the living world!”

After repairing themselves of their injuries and substituting Blitzo’s arm with one of Moxxie’s prototype limbs, the boss came out of the situation with one arm and three legs now. Literally. It wasn’t exactly Moxxie’s fault that he was not given enough funds to research an arm. Landmines put the former at the top of the priority list for sure. And here he was, calling up Stolas and informing him of the news.

Moxxie and Millie called it a day and came back home without a word spoken to each other. They only had the energy to wrap their arms around each other and hold on to their hands tight. The couple knew they were in for a ride, and there was only so much time before the consequences of their actions would catch up to them.

“Blitzo…”

The boss hummed as he swiveled around in his office chair. “Stolas?”

“You need to come to my palace. Immediately.”

Blitzo could do nothing more but repeat himself. “Stolas?”

“Now.”

END OF VOLUME 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn! What does Stolas have in store for the I.M.P? Most importantly, what does this mean for the group as a whole now that the Cowboy Demon is eventually going to be reported as missing? Find out in the next chapter!


End file.
